Dear Reader,
I am in so much pain! I went to the Y today and got in the aerobic pool with a couple of the floatie weight things you use and threw my neck, back and shoulder out almost immediately. I had a doctor's appointment later in the afternoon, but I went straight to the chiropractor right afterwards. My pelvic joint has also been out of place since the Ball, so he put everything back in place. The pelvic joint is a lot better but my neck and shoulder is killing me. It's one very small step from going into spasms. I'm in the jacuzzi with hot water and a ton of mineral salts. I also took 40 mg of prednisone, but it doesn't seem to be helping yet. He is not in the office on Fridays, so I sure hope it goes into place during the night. A few months ago my back went into spasms and it was unbelievable!!! I don't ever want that to happen again.
So ... back to square one. I suppose I could go back next week and just not use the hand weights. Or I could just go back to using the elliptical. I think the swimsuit is going to have to go back anyway. I put it on again this morning and realized that the elastic in the right leg is too loose, and that's not going to work AT ALL!
I don't think I have to go anywhere tomorrow which will be great. I plan to just do the lower body floor work at home and then just try to get everything caught up because, next week, it's back to getting day to move no matter what! My bedroom is almost clean again, finally. I haven't decided what to do about the ball dress yet. The best thing is probably to return it by mail and write a letter about it separately to the corporate office. I also have to write sandals about our "you-can't-see-the-beach-at-all room" for which we paid beach view price. And I have approximately one million other things on my to-do list for the weekend.
I was pretty disgusted with myself this morning. I'm embarrassed to admit what I did. I stayed in the bed for three hours after I woke up! I'm pretty sure that qualifies as "sloth" in the seven deadly sins sort of way! I didn't just lay there at least. I made phone calls and had my prayer time and took care of various matters ... but didn't budge from the bed. Good grief! I want to have a better character, apparently. I just don't want to do the WORK of gaining a better character! I spent some time in the pool trying fruitlessly to figure out what is going on. Why am I being my own worst enemy? Why am I consciously sabotaging myself? Why is the resistance I feel coming from me ... the one who wants to change?? Aaargh!
It was a good visit with my doctor. They are trying to get me in with the genetics department, but they wanted to do $15,000 worth of tests! He's gotten them down to $4300 which, after insurance, should be ok. Hopefully I'll have the insurance soon. But he says that between the angioedema, the allergies, the dysautonomia, the likely Ehlers-Danlos, the porphyria tests in the past (long story - no time - probably not important) I'm a pretty interesting case. He said you can have duplicates of some genes and some genes missing arms or just not there period. And I've never even told him that I seem to have the same kidney problem that my mother has! (Another long story). He also said I need to have the shingles vaccination and double-checked to be sure it wasn't grown in eggs which would mean I couldn't have it, like I can't have the flu vaccine. But it's not, so my husband and I both should get it. YOU probably should, too! Hmmmmm ... what else? Oh, yes. He thinks me consulting with a nutritionist is a great idea, but he said there's no one around here trained enough to deal with me ... but there is someone excellent out-of-state that I could talk to by phone and then she could help come up with meals for me. I called the insurance company to see if they would cover it. They put me on hold to check and u finally had up to get off. They called back but had closed for the day when I called them. If anyone qualifies I would think I would! He said the beta blockers do cause fatigue and can cause weight gain! Oh, he also said that genetic abnormalities can affect how you metabolize food and cause extra weight and certain body shapes. He probably meant ROUND like me! He's going to do a 24 hour cortisol test that tests all the adrenal levels four times during the day.
My back is wading up a bit. I don't feel like I'm about to go into spasms now. It's been aggravating because I put too much soap in the tub which produced WAY too many bubbles! I keep having to drain off the water and refill the tub to try to get rid of the bubbles. I'm drawing my fourth tubful right now. And, yes, I do know that that is wasting water!
Now, about the young man. My mother paid for him to stay at the hotel for four more days. I have put in a referral for him to move to the family shelter in a nearby town. They help with day care so a parent can go work. He had someone who was supposed to watch the boys today, whole he looked for work. But they didn't show up, so he had to take the boys with him. I'm sure that made a great impression with potential bosses! I got him a couple of job leads in landscaping here in town. He's very worried about the boys size and weight because they are small for their ages. He's taken them to health services and they have provided him with some sort of milk formula that should help them out on some weight, but they look okay to me. The mother is out-of-state and he has full custody. His mother is in North Carolina and helping him as much as she can, but she doesn't make much money herself. Life can be so rough, even without adding bad choices on top of everything. He says that his wife did something wrong. But she was late-term in her pregnancy and he didn't want his child born in jail, so he took the blame. He says he realizes now that that was a HUGE mistake, but it seemed like the right thing at the time. Now, I'm not naive. I know this may or may not be true. But that's between him and God and his family. All I need to know is that he is homeless with two small children and is trying to change his life. He is planning on going to fireman training, but the first class he can get into begins August 2nd. The boys need a few clothes. He's gone to the clothes closets in town, but they are either too small or WAY too big. There's a resale shop in town that has infinitely better prices that Goodwill or Salvation Army. I can probably pick them up several things for less than $10. If you pray, please pray for him. I'm not into the "sending positive energy your way" stuff, but I am into asking a compassionate Heavenly Father to come to the rescue of one His children and give him the second chance (or third or fourth or ...) that he may or may not deserve. I don't know about you, but I have never "deserved" any of God's grace or mercy! You may notice that I have not offered to watch the kids for him while he looks for work? Yeah. Just not a "kids" person, AT ALL!" I would be willing to help pay for a babysitter, but I am not ever going to do it myself! (Gee. I hope those don't become "famous last words"!)
I'm going to get on out of the tub now and hope for the best during the night. So much to get done tomorrow and now I've stayed up late. But really ... why is being more self-disciplined being so hard? Why am I resisting so much? Why aren't I embracing it? Do I really just WANT to be lazy? Is it health issues? Am I just worn out and don't want anyone, even me, giving me anymore to do? Maybe all three of those with a good bit of rebelliousness and deficient character thrown in! I'll have to ask my husband! He'll say that it's not bad character at all and I'm the least lazy person he knows! You gotta just LOVE a man that you know will tell you what you need to hear, whether it's QUITE the truth or not!
I envision all of you as being slim and fit and healthy and very disciplined with your lives. Sure hope I'm a WRONG about some of that!
Cheers!
Lisa
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