Dear Reader,
Well, this was an okay day. Both my husband and I were a little on edge. Not at each other, just in general. I stayed up too late last night again. Wow, that's becoming a running refrain, isn't it? I'm under orders from my friend to be in bed and to QUIT everything by 11:00, but my husband is taking a shower, so I think I can squeeze by on a technicality tonight!
I think I've hit upon part of what is going on in me. I'm all about "doing" and less about "being." I mean, look at most of the things I'm trying to do in my life. Most of them have to do with personal growth, right? They are things that will contribute to who I am. But I am frustrated by these things and want to be doing something! I have been making myself put on my makeup and fix my hair each morning, and it is torture! I HATE it and all I want to do is quit and go do something. Honestly, you know how I used to put on my makeup? I would put on my under eye cream, foundation, blush and powder ... and then go DO something! Then I'd come back and do my eyeshadow and eye liner ... then go do something! Come back and out on mascara and eyebrow pencil. I've been not only making myself put on my makeup each morning, but I've also been making myself stay at it and finish it without stopping. I mean, I am talking about FIVE MINUTES here! And I can hardly bear to take the time to simply put on my makeup.
What were looking at here is a woman who has no longer got external circumstances that dictate her life for her. I don't HAVE to get up and go to work anymore. So I don't HAVE to put on my makeup and fox my hair. I don't have to make my family breakfast. I don't have to take the kids to school. I don't have to run frantically through the house looking for clean underwear for everyone! Virtually all the things I HAVE to do are in the evenings. So I am having to decide hw to arrange my life and the actually follow through.
Hmmmm. More to think about but my husband is in bed so I'll call it a night.
Cheers!
Lisa
No comments:
Post a Comment