Dear Reader,
"How do I love me ... let me count the ways. Ummmm... "
Does it come with being a mother? I see myself as only existing to take care of other people. Cook, clean, drive, meet, shop, entertain, etc. Taking care of myself would have to mean that I CARE about myself ... and I don't. I'm not even avoiding wheat at all and have even been eating cheese, which I am very allergic to. I just don't care anymore. I'm so tired all the time, making the right foods, juicing, keeping groceries going, going back to being vegetarian ... all of these require self-love. I'm praying that God will show me how to do this again. I don't exercise because it's so much trouble and I don't care. I don't meditate. I don't eat right, I'm not even getting a prayer time hardly ever. Not even getting manicures at all. You should see my cuticles! Everything takes effort and energy. I will summon the energy for any member of my family who needs it. Our daughter had an interview for an internship for a theater company, which she got! It came out of the blue and she asked me if I would go into town with her the next day and, of course, I said yes and found the energy. I really need things to slow down somehow. Maybe my good friend will come up and spend a week with me and help me unpack again??? (Yes, that's what we call a "hint"!)
Tonight our daughter has a meltdown over her ex boyfriend and ... did I have the time to sit up with her and talk? Of course I did. And her daddy did, too, even though I know he was exhausted. We eventually got her to go downstairs and we watched two episodes of "Friends" which got her laughing and she's gone one to bed.
I don't know what to do, that's the theme of my life, I think.
My mother comes in tomorrow and then my husbands family comes in on Thursday of next week for his installation. It's going to be a pure nightmare. He is super tense right now with all the things on him.
I saw the neurologist today and got some of the testing done, but they did not get me scheduled for several of the tests so I have to come back. I couldn't have any caffeine, so it was awful trying to wake u to get into the city for a 10:00 test. But when I got there,they said my test wasn't until 3:39@. So I drove back home and went back to sleep. Couldn't wake up again and had major brain fog when I did get up. I couldn't find my keys and had to get the spare. I couldn't find my phone. I made a BLT to take with me and cooked the bacon in the microwave, and then forgot and left it there. I backed t of the car and realized that I wasn't sure how to get there. Didn't have my phone, so I had to use my iPad which had no signal even though I was right outside the house. So I decided to run inside and print off directions. So I started getting out of the car, but the car started moving and I couldn't figure out how to stop it. Fortunately, there was a nice big TREE right there that stopped it! So I ran back into the house and had all sorts of trouble getting the directions printed off. Even still, I took the "George Washington" exit instead of the "Ft. Washington" exit, which screwed me up like crazy!! Took me forever to find the hospital. Then, after it got there, I found my phone in my purse. I stopped and picked up pizza slices on the way home because I just didn't care what I ate.
My brothers are continuing their attacks. They are 64 and 68 years old!!! I've been really saddened by it all.
Well, that's it for tonight. I hope for an petter day tomorrow and for you, too.
Lisa
(discouraged).
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