Dear Reader,
I'm writing this on Wednesday, because the last two days have been too awful to write about until now.
On Monday, I knew I HAD to get my prescriptions refilled! I'd been off the beta blockers and everything else for almost a week and a half, and I was feeling awful. So, I stated trying to find a family-owned pharmacy that delivered. I found one in our little village and had all of my prescriptions transferred to them. I called them after 3:00 when they had not arrived and was told that they had called and left me a voicemail. Which I had missed. Turns out they are in a city by the same name opinion NEW JERSEY and, for some reason or other, didn't really want to deliver to me in NEW YORK! So, I started trying to locate a different pharmacy. But we had had some rains and my internet searches were coming back weird and almost every phone call failed! The few calls that got through would have either a busy signal or a fax signal. I got extremely frustrated. I pulled out a huge yellow pages book, but it was for the entire county and had pages of pharmacies and the print was so small I could barely make it out. I couldn't reach my husband or his secretary or even our realtor! I kept sending my husband increasingly upset texts and finally said, "Forget it!" and left the house! "Forget it"is, of course, not actually what I said!!
He also wanted me to go get my signature on our new account and transfer money to our daughter. But internet searches were only coming up with bank locations 7-9 km (yep, it even switched to kilometers!) which I knew was wrong. After I left the house I did another search and it showed that there was one right across the street from the college. So I u-turned and drove there ... only to find, you guessed it, NO BANK!!
By this time I was almost crying, so I went to the grocery store and wired some money to our daughter and picked up some things for the dogs. I got home and made up their mix (4 cups Purina One dry foot, 1 can Pedigree dog food, a good drizzle of olive oil, a can of unsalted green beans, drained and chopped up, and about a third cup of pumpkin. This is good for their digestion. They didn't have a generic brand, so I had to buy Libby's. Their largest can was a better buy so I got that.
Oh, I forgot to mention ... I had started having dizzy spells. The first one was when we went to SAMs club the day before, and it was a doozy. I just kept having more and more on Monday. So, I just put the lid on top of the big can of pumpkin to refrigerate it. I have one of those can openers that cuts around the side of,the can so it's not a jagged edge.
Apparently, one of the dizzy spells hit as I turned to the refrigerator, because I just dropped the can of pumpkin. It hit flat in its bottom and the lid came right off. I was covered with pumpkin, as was the floor, cabinets, counter, window and CEILING!!! I tried to clean the counters, but leaning over made me feel like I was going to pass out. There was no way I was going to get on a ladder and try to clean the pumpkin off of the ceiling in the condition I was in, so I said, "This day is OVER!!" Again, that is not exactly what I said!
I texted my husband that I was going to bed, took off my clothes, that if am sure are stained, and crawled into bed with a beer and a half Xanax! The beer was gross. I haven't had a beer for a long time, so I guess I've lost the taste for it.
But here's the thing, I WAS FURIOUS AT MY HUSBAND!! He wasn't there for me when I needed him! He's putting all sorts of extra stuff in me when I already have too much to do (go to the bank and wire money)! He's not answering me online or checking his texts (I wasn't using our emergency formula). And somehow, it was pretty much his fault that no ones phone was working and that I had dropped the pumpkin!
Now, I'm not new to this marriage business, and I'm not new to my reactions to things, and I knew that this was WAAAAY over the top. That's when it hit me that I had been out of my anti-depressants for even longer, about two weeks! Good grief!
Thankfully, by going on to bed, I assured that I didn't lose it at my husband. I slept till around midnight, got,up for a,while and ate something and read some, then we went back to sleep until 11:30 in the morning.
I started calling at once for pharmacies and learned from my realtor friend that there was a nearby one. I called and the guy was just rude! New York-style rude. I asked him if he could call the New Jersey pharmacy to get my prescriptions from them, or did I need to call them and have them transfer them to him. He said neither because he wasn't doing anything unless I came in and showed him my insurance card. Well. I was still having by now, almost constant dizziness so I told,him that I was unable to do that, could I give him the information he needed off of my card? He said NO! He wouldn't do anything until he saw me personally!! What the WHAT!!!? So I said, never mind, I would use Walgreens!
I was astounded by his attitude, but got everything taken care of with Walgreens, and they were very nice. And ... THEN ... I found the box with my meds in it! Of COURSE I found the box with my meds in it AFTER I got everything taken care of! You want to know where the box was? In the downstairs formal dining room! You want to know how it was labeled? It was only labeled on the top and things had been stacked on top of it. You want to know who packed it? ME, that's who!!!
So, OH, MY GOSH!!! I took my meds right away and the dizziness started easing a little within a few hours. It was still going on today, but the episodes were shorter and weaker, except for a pretty big one that hit me outside with a couple of men from the school working out details about the fence they are putting in. He saw it happen and grabbed me and held on to my shoulders till it settled down. He wanted to walk me into the house but I was all, "I'm fine, I'm fine ..." And walked myself back to the house, very carefully, not moving my head at all!
So, what a yucky couple of days! Oh, and I got mad at my mom, too. I talked her into buying an iPad so I could send her pictures and all. And the. She had such an attitude about it and just wouldn't take the trouble to try to figure it out. She said everyone talked over her head, ya day ads. (Okay, I left that just to show you what my spell check did with "yada yada"!). So I spent a lot of,time writing to her a very careful explanation of the web, cell service, servers, etc. and what I got back the next day was, "I returned the iPad." I was so mad at her I didn't call her or text her the whole day! Well, it turns out that she got an iPhone! I had not suggested that because I thought the keyboards would be too hard for her to use. But she seems to get this a little better somehow.
I imagine I will be much better by tomorrow. Oh, I should explain. Maybe I did before. But this dizziness apparently has to do with why my cardiologist wanted me to see an autonomic nervous system specialist. The tests showed conclusively the type of autonomic nervous system disorder in which your nervous systems don't communicate, so every movement you make shocks your body and causes tachycardia till it calms down. But my tests were strange and I think she thought that I had more than one type of dysautonomia. This dizziness seems related to another type that is orthostatic ... Orthostatic postural syndrome? Can't remember for sure. But I think it's the dizziness and passing out stuff. So .. Got to find one of those specialists before much longer.
I've got some awesome writing ideas coming to me. One would be very controversial. It will be about whether society should expect parents of minors who commit violent crimes accountable for their kids. Think about it. If my kid hits a ball through your window, I'm responsible. But if my kid kills your kid ... then I'm NOT responsible? At all? I'm taking the position that there are crazy kids out there. There are kids who get entranced with evil and say "yes" to it at some point. Parents are society's first line of defense from crazy or evil children. When they neglect their reasonable duties as parents and ignore all the signs that a child is giving off, can society say that they bear some burden of responsibility when an atrocious crime is committed.
Take, for example, these two 12 year old girls who tried to kill the other girl. We just hear the words, and we process them at the most shallow level. Goodness! Stabbed her 19 times! Kitchen butcher knife! Planned it for months! But, don't let the words pass so quickly through your mind. I want you to see yourself out in the woods with them. The sudden grabbing of the one girl. Had she picked up any signs that they were acting strange? Throwing her to the ground, no one around to help her. One "friend" holding her down while the other one straddled her stabbing her insanely over and over (count it ... NINETEEN TIMES!). The screaming! The pain! The blood! The pure evilness of the moment! This is not a "kids be crazy" incident. This is a predetermined act of evil.
Now, do you want to tell me that these parents picked up NOTHING from these daughters the months preceding the attack? Were they not monitoring their computer history? Did they not see the repeated visits to this horror site? I cannot believe that two girls sunk to such levels of depravity that their parents could not have sensed if they had been being reasonably responsible in monitoring them.
If people bring a child into the world, they MUST take the responsibility for raising and training the child so that they are safe members of society.
In the town where we lived there were several cases of children dying from parental neglect. One young woman went I to a bar "for just a few minutes," leaving her baby in the car. An hour and a half later (!) she left with some friends and went to another bar, leaving her car, and completely forgetting the baby was in it, it was during the summer and the baby died. All because she forgot her! Sure alcohol was involved, but she forgot the child before she was inebriated.
Another young mother left her four children at home by themselves all night while she went out to party. She left them in the care of the oldest child who was FOUR YEARS OLD!! The neighbors figured it out and called the police who were waiting for her when she got home. Her response was full of tears ... and self-pity. She said that she stayed home with the kids all the time and she was tired of it and just wanted to go out and have a good time.
Anyway, that's part of what I want to write, including some elements from the Old Testament law that I think pertain to this. It's really about responsibility and justice.
Maybe next week?
Cheers!
Lisa
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