Dear Reader,
Shazam! I am tired of working in this house! It's been two and a half weeks and I feel like I've barely made a dent in things. And I haven't even started in my study. I'm actually working pretty diligently, but trying to figure out where to put things is taking a lot of time. Would you believe they packed a wet toilet brush??! And sometimes I'll unwrap and unwrap and unwrap two or more sheets of,that big wrapping paper to find something like two metal measuring spoons! I can't even begin to reach the third shelf in my kitchen cabinets so I guess that's where I'm going to store my china and all my milk glass until we get some china cabinets or something. I still haven't found our regular dishes, but I found some pots and pans and flatware and seasonings today. This kind of impinges on my needing for us to go out to dinner each night!
I was pretty unhappy this morning for getting onto people last night on Facebook. I had to have a long prayer time this morning about it. It comes down to this: they were saying bad things. I was acting in my calling and conviction and gifting. I cannot stand by and let people say hateful things and let them go unchallenged. I believe this is the topic, or part of the topic of the book my counselor told me to read, A Failure of Nerve. I did what I thought was the right thing to do. I believe that God was pleased with me contending as I did . I think it's appropriate, though, that it not make me happy. There is the adrenaline surge, the up strapping of the sword and wielding it a bit, I can't deny it. But overall, I don't like not being nice all the time. Twenty-five years in the Deep South will do that to you.
After working through all that in prayer, I opened up Facebook to see what happened after I got off. No response from the poster of the video of the little Hispanic boy or the person who made the unbelievably rude comment; but one person liked my comment.
The guy who went off on the canned, Bill Mayr rant against religion did not respond at all.
The guy who said kill all the Muslims and let God sort them out said that I was a fool. Did I let it go? Ha! You KNOW I didn't let it go! I said, "Gary - Really? That's all you've got? Just an insult? I find this intriguing. Especially in light of you talking about Christ but then appearing to be unaware of what He said in Matthew 5:22."
The only thing I wish I had written differently was I wish I had added "blithely", as in, "blithely unaware"! Yea ... that would have REALLY crushed him! Ha! Ha! As soon as I read what he wrote I was ready to go back at it! I mean, come on. Just insult me without even beginning to deal with the point? Anyway ... the original poster called for a cease and desist. Literally. She said "I'm calling a cease and dismiss." He said, "You rock!" And I said, "Peace." and that was the end of that little skirmish.
The anti-religion guy never responded. But when I put up a regular post about actually remembering to take my reusable bags into the grocery store he posted a peaceable comment.
So ... online haters, beware! I WILL call you out! This country has GOT to return to civil debate! This hateful speech and unbridled tongues and basic rabble-rousing going on is detrimental to the health of any society. And I am sick of the vilification of other people. I swear, some of the stuff I read starts sounding a lot like Nazi talk before Hitler came into power.
Speaking of Nazi-talk ... I started reading a book that has a little to say about when America started buying into the eugenics idea of race purification and all of those ideas that the Nazis latched onto and carried out to the extreme. But, did you know that California sterilized 20,000 people during that period!? And in California people who were considered mentally I'll were given blood transfusions from patients who had TB to give them the disease?! And many elderly people and people in mental hospitals died demo deliberate neglect and from actually being killed. And that's just California were talking about. I'd look up other figures for the nation, but my internet connection just died. God's way of telling me to quit wasting time and go to bed? Nah!
I cooked a real meal for dinner for,the first time tonight. The only problem is that cooking a real meal means cleaning up real dishes! Yuck.
So, here comes the uncomfortable part. Back twenty years ago (good grief! It has actually been twenty years ago!) I had a massive nervous breakdown. I may have mentioned it already. Too much trauma and my psyche couldn't hold it back any longer. During it, I developed for real agoraphobia, fear of open places. I couldn't leave my room for five weeks and I couldn't leave my house for two years. Even when I was able to,start leaving my house for short periods of time, I had to have Xanax with me to handle the terrible panic attack I was likely to have.
And, well, I'm having some of these feelings again. I hate to even admit it because even admitting it feels like giving in to it. I'm sure that is bad psychology and bad theology. I don't want to leave the house now. I get anxious going to the grocery store. I out off running errands semi-deliberately so that I run out of time and can't get them done so I don't have to leave the house. My counselor one time said that my last move was very disorienting for me. I think disorienting was the word she used. I don't want that to happen again. I don't have TIME for that to happen again! She wanted me to have a counselor picked out and ready to go before I got here, and I saw the wisdom of that at the time and did try to find someone. But, literally, it seems like every fifth person is a counselor of some type! When you do an internet search there are tons of them of all varieties! I found one that I thought was interesting and a possibility, but she doesn't accept insurance. But I may need to get serious about looking for someone. But, I'm hoping that for now just talking about it will help.
I need some friends, of course. I'm going to have to choose between jazzercise and the YMCA because they're pretty pricey.
Well, I'm turning it in for the night. I didn't do anything for my health today other than cooking a healthy dinner, including a wonderful kale salad with red onions, fresh blueberries and pecans. Oh, and part of a York mint I got at the grocery store.
I'm having lunch tomorrow with my realtor. She's an interesting person. Kind of ... agitated? Anxious? Frantic? She needs some yoga! Which reminds me, I need some yoga! Which definitely tilts me towards the Y. We'll see.
Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. Before I actually leave, I have to tell you what happened last night. I was calling the dogs to come in. My little blind dog is handling the move so much better than I thought she would, but she still hasn't figured out where the door is to come back into the house. Apparently she can hear some out of only one ear, so she can sometimes hear your voice, but can't locate you. So, I was standing at the door after dark in a blouse and panties. The spotlights were on to light up that portion of the yard. The only light switch we can find to do this is upstairs in my bedroom. So, the light is on. I can't turn it off. I'm in my panties. My blind dog can't figure out where I am. And right then, my cat runs out the door! I will eventually let her go outside, but not yet. I've read that you have to wait a month before you let a cat out so that they are reoriented to your new home. And we have coyotes! So, I call her and she very prissily refuses to come. I can't call up to my husband to turn off the light because he's in the shower. I can't go,upstairs and grab some pants because I'm afraid she'll get out of the fence in that time and really be gone. So, I go inside and get a can of cat food, then go outside, yes, in my panties! I had to follow her around before she let me get her and go back inside! It's a six-foot picket fence. No neighbors can look into the back yard, but someone walking by might could have seen between the slats. It was pretty embarrassing, but at least I still have my cat, who I adore!
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