Dear Reader,
How can I possibly be 57? Growing older is so puzzling. My husband and I wonder if it's just us, or if everyone feels this way. Since we became friends when we were 15 and 16, we have wondered if we feel this way just because there is so much continuity in our lives. I look at friends on Facebook and am amazed at how much they have aged. I feel sorry for the ones who won't post any pictures of themselves and not post pictures of flowers or flags. We still look pretty good, to tell you the truth, other than both of us being overweight. I'm appalled when I look in the mirror because I do see the body of a middle-aged woman! Not the face or hair or shoes or clothes or style of one, but the droopy breasts and large waist and flat butt of one. And let's not forget about back-fat!
After we moved here and my life went completely out of control, I decided to not continue losing and gaining back weight. It's so bad for your heart to do that. So I decided to just try to hold steady until I got my life back under control and, well, that never happened. I'm having to back out of things now, but that's because my health is getting worse. Not because I'm getting my life back. So, otherwise than a brief venture into diet pills and shots (!) I've tried to just eat right. Fatty, fried foods make me sick. To even look at a Blooming Onion makes me sick! And if I don't eat lots of fruits and vegetables, I get heartburn. My allergies keep me from eating red meat, so I'm kind of forced to eat well. Plus I've always been committed to cooking for the health of my family and to make plates beautiful and colorful and to always have a fresh vegetable salad, or a fresh fruit salad. One of my family's favorite dinners is what I call "Chicken Salad Salad." I make a great chicken salad with a roasted chicken, green grapes, pecans and curry powder. I moisten it with a little bit of mayonnaise and the. Further moisten it with (don't tell!) MILK and a teaspoon of confectioners sugar. Then I make a large, fresh salad and put it on a plate and a scoop of chicken salad on top of it. Then around it I lit all sorts of little goodies. What I put varies each time, but some of my regular things are mango slices, strawberries, grape clusters, baby carrots, tiny gherkins, black olives, celery sticks, etc. And, WOW, have I gotten off-track!
What I'm saying is that I quit trying to do diets because they were literally impossible for me. I'd have, maybe six events in one week. I'd try to figure out the WW points or the diabetic exchange value or the calories for some particular appetizer, but it would just be impossible. I had to just do my best and wait for life to slow down. Which it never did. Overall, this has been a good strategy. My weight right now, even with the extra weight from the holidays and the french fries and the potato chips my weight is only 8 ponds more then it was when we got here. And now, I think my life truly is, finely, going to become mine again!
My journey into diet pills and shots was both expensive and short-lived. I didn't tell ANYONE about it because I knew it was an extremely stupid thing for me to do. And I ESPECIALLY didn't tell my integrative health doctor, who my husband calls my "copper bracelet doctor!" So, I had a routine appointment and he pulled out my last lab tests, which were horrible, and my inflammation levels were crazy high. He went over them with me and then said, "Have you been doing something different that might account for these figures?" I had already quit taking them, but I confessed all. Seeing right there before me in black and white how they had affected my health made that my last foray into dieting. Oh, with one ill-fated venture into Weight Watchers. I couldn't figure out the new system and, again, my lifestyle kept me from being in control of what I ate.
So, the result is that I am now absolutely terrified of getting on a diet once I get moved and settled in. I automatically think I will fail and will not be able to stay on one, no matter how good and healthy and simple it might be. In all honesty, I think I need a nutritionist to figure out meals for me. With so MANY allergies, it is really hard to prepare meals or even eat out. My daughter took me out to dinner tonight because my husband had to make presentations during the basketball games. We went to a sushi restaurant and I almost couldn't find anything I could eat. I'm allergic to salmon, snapper, crab, and clams mad thy seemed to have at least one to those in every roll!
ALL my pants are tight now, even my big jeans! So I have to go back to the Y this week whether I want to or not. Oh, and, if I get on a diet I'll have to give up my Nutella! I ADORE Nutella! I don't (typically) eat more than a spoonful any one day, but if I'm upset or very stressed out, a spoon of that rich, delicious chocolate is just the thing! I wonder what a nutritionist would charge to plan out thirty days of meals for me?
I'm also going to seriously try to get hold of my physical therapist and get her thoughts on doing physical training with me. She has her own health club in the building where her business is. I need to follow through on that. And -- THIS WEEK - I WILL follow through on finding a rheumatologist and an endocrinologist.
Even though I don't have a definite diagnosis of Ehler-Danlos syndrome, I feel much better about all the weird things that happen to me. For instance, the last joint on my index finger came out of joint last week and, instead of gong, "Why is my body so weird??? Why can't I just be normal???" I was able to say, "I probably have a genetic disorder of my connective tissue and what my body is doing is normal in light of that." Much less freaking out going on these days, which is nice. And being back on two doses of the beta blocker each day has me feeling better again.
I didn't chew on my nails any today or eat my cuticles! I almost did during the basketball game, but managed to stop. And I have decided to start a new section to this blog. It will be the Why I Didn't Exercise Today entry! For every day I don't exercise I am going to make myself face up to my excuses right here in cent of God and you!
I had a wonderful day today. It began and ended in. Y husband's arms, and that's all it really takes for me to have a good day.
Good night, and I hope you have a refreshing Lord's Day tomorrow. My husband has been quite sick and we may be staying home again tomorrow so he can really rest. And it doesn't take much at all for me to decide to sleep in!
By the way, guess when the decline in religion began in England? During World War 1. It turns out that the churches heavily advocated for the young men to sign up for the military. Then the men were treated terribly by the military and just used as cannon fodder. The generals maintained their military tactics for TWO YEARS, letting their men be simply mowed down by German machine guns! For two years they continued teaching the strategy of bayonet charges!!! Against machine guns!!! So, when all was said and done and dead, the people didn't trust the church anymore and quit going. The reason the church did their best to get the men to sign up was because they were owned and supported by same government. Which is one reason why we should value our separation of church and state. And, incidentally, while I'm on the subject, I'll just mention that it was Roger Williams who suggested the idea of a "wall between church and state," but it was to protect the CHURCH FROM the STATE! Not the other way around. You have to wonder what would have happened if there had been such a separation in England and each pastor could have either stayed out of the matter, or advised according to his heart and convictions? I don't think it would have saved many lives in actuality, because people thought the war would last six weeks and it would be the adventure of a lifetime. Poor, poor misguided nations and men. What a nightmare it turned out to be.
Well, on that cheerful note I shall close! Have a lovely day tomorrow.
Cheers!
Lisa
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