Dear Reader,
I'm not in the loop regarding buying our house, but I have been told that the owners are not sure if they can be out before June 1, which will kind of put a damper on starting this new life on May 13! They have had their house on the market since, October, bit haven't begun to search for their own new home! If worst comes to worst, my husband can go on and start work, and then come home and help me drive our car, dogs, and cat(s) to New York. Hopefully there will be no problem getting the fence put up before we get there. And that's the only thing that really has to be done before we move in.
I read last night that French women turn their bathrooms into their own private sanctuary, even if it's tiny. That makes me feel better about my new bathroom. It's very long and narrow. It has several windows in it, so it's nice and sunny ... But it comes with a powder blue tub and toilet why I have never seen before. Their are even butterflies in the enamel, somehow. I know it sounds awful, but it's not that bad, once you wrap your mind around the color. That's not exactly the direction I wanted to take my bathroom, but I can live with it. The house does have, after all, a saltwater pool, so I think I can handle pretty much everything else!!
You know last night I was talking about going to the Y and starting to swim and do water aerobics? Well, I've been thinking about getting in that pool in the mornings and just treading water for thirty minutes! It's not big enough for laps, but treading water is supposed to be really great for you and burns large amounts of calories. I'm so looking forward to this!
I was gone all day today. I went into the "big city" and had a nice long lunch with my friend, and then went to see. Y counsellor. I spent time this morning finally working through almost all of the packages I needed to return to places. I didn't get to the ups store or the post office, though, so it looks like I'll be running errands tomorrow which, have I ever mentioned how much I HATE doing that??!
After I saw my counselor, I got to the big mall in town and returned four pairs of shoes to one store. I tried to exchange one of the pumps for a half size larger, but that was, of course, the one size they were out of. I also went to the Loft to pay my bill because the computer absolutely refuses to pay online. They can't figure out what's wrong, so they said they would wave the late fee and just mail it or take it to a store. A the store, it took the manager and two other clerks thirty minutes and I don't know how many phone calls to figure out how to apply my check to my account!
The visit with the counselor was not an especially important one. We talked about me "losing time" and whether I am disassociating or going into fugue states. We also talked about why making to-do lists are so important to me and if I use them to keep me rooted in time. She said she didn't hear anything that worried her, but that it would be useful if someone were around to observe me when I "lose time." But, we both know that having someone with me would keep me from doing it anyway, so the likelihood of having an observer is pretty much 0.
We also talked about my concerns regarding how I will do, leaving town and moving away from my children and everyone I know. Moving here shook me up pretty badly and it took a long time to get my feet back under me. I really don't want that to happen again! She suggested I start looking for a counselor or life coach in the area before I move so I have someone in mind or can even start with right a way. She also suggested I check out some churches and see if any of them have women 's groups. I know there are a couple of evangelical churches around us there, but I suspect we may wind up finding a church in Manhattan. I mean, Tim Keller is there after all. It would be a shame to not visit, even if we know that we are absolutely not Calvinists and thus, not Presbyterians and can never BE Presbyterians.
I am worried that I will get there and be completely engulfed by introversion again. I really do think that everything will work out really great there, but I reserve the right to worry, at least some!
Tomorrow I HAVE to make headway on finding an endocrinologist and a rheumatologist and getting in to see them quickly. I am really starting to run out of time,,especially if I'm going to need surgery. I also have to make appointments with moving companies to come give us prices and with woodworking companies to refinish some furniture for us. We have an event at 5:00 tomorrow, so time is limited. But the MOST important thing is for me to work further in my study tomorrow! It's just killed me that I couldn't do anything the last two days.
I ate okay today except for four Glutino cookies,which come to 200 calories. I wrote and mailed two essential letters today, also.
One really good thing that is happening is that I am getting sleepy at a much more normal time. I mean, right now it's just 10:45 and I am actually ready to go to sleep.
Oh, I also told my counselor that keeping this blog is good for me because it is forcing me to evaluate myself and my life each and every day. And it's because of,this I've realized how angry I am at myself all the time and how ugly my self-stalk is. She was concerned about that and will come back to that, but it will be a month before we meet again because of vacations.
So, here it is: Why I Didn't Exercise Today:
My time was very limited because I had to leave the house at 12 and was trying to write the letters and get all the packages ready to be mailed. I didn't get home until 7:00, so there was no time. Which means I didn't prioritize it and get up early enough to do it which means that the answer is ... wait for it ... I didn't want to! I fully intend to tomorrow, however.
I have a vague article in mind which I would call, "Finding Your Core." You know how every magazine says that it has THE exercises that will strengthen your core? Well, I'm thinking of making that a little more esoteric and talk about how to find the core for your soul when your soul is worn out. When there is not anything there anymore, and you need to find that core of strength within you again. I think it's a great idea and could really be developed into something nice. But before I can do that, I need to find out what the answer is! Isn't that what I'm doing here? Trying to muddle my way through all my mess and gain some clarity in my life and stop undermining myself and begin to move toward meaningful goals for myself? To quit fighting with myself on everything from chewing on my nails to exercising to making arrangements for movers to getting location chips in one of my dogs and registering the chips of the other three. Guess why I have to do this? The chips carry the identification information for the veterinarian clinic to which it is sold. The idea is that, if your pet gets lost and found, that a vet reads the info on the chip and calls the vet who had that chip, and gets the dog or cats information from him. The on,y problem with this is that a TORNADO took out the place of the veterinarian who put the chips in three of my dogs! He chose not to reopen , so those chips are completely untraceable now. Isn't that so weird.
Well ... I decided to be brave and put the magnesium lotion on more of my body this evening and it is stinging! I may have to take another bath, darn it.
I hope you have a great evening and are making good progress n your own personal goals. Is goal-setting an evaluating your life as important a matter to you as it is to me? I love that quote, "It's never too late to become the person you were meant to be."
Cheers!
Lisa
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