Day 82 - FOR REAL????

Dear Reader,

This is Day 82?  That is AWFUL!  That means that 52 days have gone by ... no, bad math ... 53 days have gone by!  Oh my gosh!  That is extremely discouraging.  What have I gotten done?  What have I accomplished?  Hardly anything at all, it seems.  Excuse me for a minute while I have an extreme panic attack!

Ok, I'm back.  I'm not done freaking out, but I'm better.  Hmmmm. It appears that typing this in bed is not going to work out.  It's making my hand hurt.  I'll have to experiment with some different positions.  

I just want this to be OVER!  I just want to be there.  I know it will happen soon enough ... in 82 days to be exact.  But I thought I would have more done by now.  

Pardon me for a moment while I re-orient myself to my goals.
  
1.  Stay away from all the foods I'm allergic to and reduce my inflammation.  

2.  See my cardiologist and learn a little more about what's going on with this dysautonomia condition and see how to make it impact my life less.  Is there a way to get off the beta blockers?  Is a magnesium deficiency part of the problem?

3.  Get in to see a rheumatologist to find out if I have Ehler's-Danlos Syndrome or not.  (Oh, the middle joint of my middle finger on my right hand almost came out of joint today!  I was so happy when it slipped back into place immediately.)  

4.  Do I have parathyroid tumors?  When can they be taken out?  

5.  Start telling myself that I am worth being cared for by doing one good thing for myself each week:  a manicure, pedicure, facial or massage.  

6.  Quit chewing on my nails and cuticles and let my nails grow back out.  

7.  Go through every single thing in the house and basement, weeding out everything I can and giving things away.  Have every drawer, cabinet, and closet ready for the movers to come in and pack. 

8.  Do an inventory of everything in the house and basement, a job my husband says is impossible, but I say ... yeah, you're probably right!  

9.  Work on my insomnia problem and being able to go to sleep at night.  

10.  Work on my WAKING UP problem!

11.  Start exercising regularly without injuring myself, figuring out how to exercise without making the dysautonomia worse and having episodes with it and to not pull out joints or sprain tendons and ligaments.  See if I can start seeing a physical therapist for conditioning training.  

12.  Make one fresh juice a day (isn't happening at all)

13.  Work on rest and relaxation through getting enough sleep and meditation twice a day (this isn't happening at all, either)

The general goal is to be ready to make an organized move, and to have given away everything I own that I don't actually use.  Get in much better health and fitness.  Start sleeping better.  Start eating more carefully.  

Whew.  Dream big, indeed.  

I got some work done today in my white study.  I finished all the baskets in my credenza.  I have a million notes on papers here, there and everywhere on article ideas and Scripture references just jotted down.  I'm trying to get all of these written out on note cards so I can throw all these scraps of paper away.  I spent some time trying, unsuccessfully, to get the book inventory ap working.  It isn't getting the cloud thing set up and I don't see a point in getting started if I can't get the info in the cloud.  

And, do you want to know something embarrassing??  I haven't used my computer for a long time because I haven't been doing any writing or teaching for a while.  So, I have all these 3.5" floppies I found and I bought the thing to be able to open them on my computer, and I can't figure out how to do it.  I also came across a stick-drive (is that what it's called?  I know that "thingy" isn't correct) and I can't figure out how to open it.  And I even have a CD I want to record and I cant remember how to do THAT either!  That is just ridiculous!  I'm going to try one more time tomorrow to figure out all my technical difficulties before I ask my husband for help.  

I wrote out a schedule for working in my white study.  I gave myself two weeks to do it, which was just wishful thinking.  I'm supposed to be finished TOMORROW, but that isn't going to happen, but I'm going to try to hit it really hard tomorrow.  

I did exercise today and have the sore abs to show for it.  I want to ... and I'm shy to even put this in print.  But, I am going to try to actually go to the Y tomorrow and get on the elliptical.  My OCD is going in full force on the study, but I plan to break away and do this in the afternoon.  

I cooked dinner tonight.  It was okay, but I just simply hate cooking now.  

And, last, but certainly not least, I went to go see my mother today.  Had a nice time, but she wasn't feeling very well.  She is getting physical therapy, which is helping with some very bad pain she was having in her arm.  And they are trying to figure out what is going on with her legs.  She is a fierce woman, and this encroaching decrepitude is hard for her to bear.  I worked on that morning affirmation some today and printed off a copy and took it to her.  She texted me that it was "wonderful" (three exclamation points) and she had already read it five times.  

My abdomen is still swollen up very large from the reaction I had from Taco Bell's last night.  And this morning I made gluten-free, egg-free, dairy-free blueberry pancakes (they're actually really good, believe it or not) and had them with orange juice and a couple of turkey sausage patties.  And, my throat swelled up some, so I don't know WHAT is going on with my immune system now.  I hope I haven't developed some new allergies.  

Last night at the basketball game, during the half-time, our dance squad wanted to have a picture made with my husband.  He didn't "think" to mention this to me, so I'm standing at his side looking at something he was showing me and I see this picture of him posted to facebook with all these cute little belly buttons and bare midriffs!  I was NOT happy!

I am captivated by this book Regeneration Trilogy.  Amazing writing, devastating topic.  The psychiatrist has come down with the Spanish flu and the protagonist is being sent back to the front, even though the war is almost over.  I'm assuming the author is going to kill them both so, from this point on, I can't read any more unless I'm ready to just abandon everything else and finish it up.  I'm sure it's going to be gut-wrenching.  

Well, I'm off to bed, mildly frustrated with my lack of progress on all fronts.  I'm going to have to step up my game, but without making myself tense and triggering a fresh round of insomnia!

Now, if only someone would just bring me dinner for the next 81 days I'd be in great shape!

Have a great day tomorrow and enjoy your Monday!  (cue maniacal laughter!)

Cheers!
Lisa