Page 280 - Anxiety Attack

Dear Reader, 
One step forward, five steps back!  Today was a rough day.  I had a pretty clear-cut anxiety attack.  Those are so miserable, and it just went on and one and on.  Feeling afraid, frustrated because I knew there was nothing to be afraid of and that the fear was unreasonable and irrational and that I should be able to reason my way out of it.  Or just keep working and hope that it disappeared.  I even took a fourth of a Xanax at one point, but it didn't help.  I decided to see if there was anything online and found a site called www.anxiety coach.com. MIT was actually pretty good.  He even has a form for tn to fill out, a panic attack diary.  I printed off the page, but wouldn't take the time to fill it out.  He has five basic steps for dealing with an attack.  The first is to just be aware of it, acknowledge and accept it.  This is so much like the Welcoming Prayer, so I had no problem with it.  Asked to learn what I could from it.  You are supposed to use these steps to gently accept it without dreaming out.  The second step is to wait and watch ... and maybe work.  Panic attacks will peter out on their own, especially if y don't do anything to exacerbate them.  So, rather than letting the panic and fear cause you to make a run for it, instead be an observer and wait for it to end, and maybe just continue with whatever work you were doing. The next is to take whatever actions you need in order to make herself a little more comfortable until the attack subsides.  He suggests things like belly breathing (I know that this triggers the sympathetic (parasympathetic?) nervous system to calm you down.  And to talk to yrself assuring herself that you are actually safe.  That it is not your job to "make" the attack end, but to merely observe it until it does end.  And then to repeat as necessary.  This is to understand that sometimes panic attacks come in waves and y may have to do the work of calming and caring for yourself all over again.  

Something on the printed off form caused me to realize that what brought this on was the fear that I was not going to be able to clean my house and keep it clean and the laundry done and the groceries purchased, and the dinners made and the clothes washed and ironed and out up and the yard cleaned up behind the dogs and the trash emptied, etc. etc.  when I realized that was what had caused it, I started being able to accept the emotions without freaking out so baldy.  OF COURSE I am not going to be able to keep a 5000 sq ft house clean!  I'm not even unpacked yet!  I have four dogs and a cat and all of their mounds of hair to deal with.  I've got all the health,l etc. problems.  It was never the intention for me to keep this house clean!  I'm just reyng to stay on top of it enough to get by until I am unpacked!  Good grief!  Realizing that helped a lot, thigh it still "took the stuffing out of me for the rest of the day.  

I was able to get a good amount of laundry done and general neatened.  The kitchen counter is perfectly clean.  I washed the sheets and the blanket for the bed and generally worked too hard, until I reached the point that I now call being tired all the way to a cellular level.  I also got some work done in the dressing room whch was great.  And the laundry room, which has been a disaster, is starting to come back together.  I am moving the ironing board and the steamer up to the dressing room to take care of clothes in there instead of downstairs where there is really no floor room for the ironing board or anythg else.  

I have a huge to-do list for tomorrow. It's kind of discouraging to realize that it is utterly impossible before the day has even begun.  I do believe, though, that it can have the house basically unpacked and arranged before the end of September.  

I have two long, dark hallways upstairs so I have been reading up on how to paint them.  And, here's something surprising for you.  The natural impulse is to use white, ivory, or other light paint to make it look bigger.  But if there is very little light, all you are going to see is the shadows that are created on these colors.  Instead, you should use medium tones of paint that have next to no black in them so that the little bit of light actually plays up the color.  In fact, the less light there is in a space, the deeper you should go with your color.  Isn't that cool!  And so counter-intuitive!  I haven't decided what color to use yet but, I have this idea that a soft green might be really nice and fresh, and work with all the rooms that open into it.  We'll see.  Long ways to go, yet, before that decision is made.  As in ... DOG HAIR HAS TO BE CLEANED UP!  

I'm so hungry.  I hope I can go to sleep with no problem.  I hope you can too.  Oh, and guess what were going to do this weekend?  Were going to go to one of the many New York beaches!  I'm really looking forward to it!  It will be a lot of fun!  

Cheers!
Lisa