Dear Reader,
It's 1:45 am, but I am not sleepy. I've had a hydrocortisone, one if the antihistamines the immunologist has me on for the reactions. I've even taken a whole Xanax, though I had reduced it to a half for a couple of weeks. I am reading a good book, "All the Light We Can Not See", an amazing novel set in France during WW2. But I'm unwilling and uneasy about going to sleep. Been though I know I'll suffer for this tomorrow. I think it's because of the pain I had today. Will it come back tomorrow? If I stay awake and alert and watch for it, can is keep it away? I don't know. I'm going to go ahead now and relinquish my fixed hold on consciousness to go to sleep and let tomorrow bring what it may. But I feel so wary and, whatever is causing it, I have my guard up. It is taking an act of will to lay aside everything and try to give in to sleep. Fear is at the heart of it. Always fear.
Lisa
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