Dear Reader,
Once I get into the pool and get past the cold, I really love it. I even tried meditating and doing some yoga poses in it. I'm increasing the number of laps I'm doing, but not pushing at all. While I was outside, I saw a large thing fly across the yard to where I have set up a chair in a little nook. It looked like one of these large Luna moths. After a bit, one of my dogs caught it and was carrying it in her mouth until I told her to let it go. She complied, and that's when I saw that it was a Praying Mantis! Prayng, or preying? Whatever. This thing was 6-7 inches long and angry! It had all of its wings flared out all over. Who knew!!!!? It was horrifying! And ugly! After a couple of minutes, it flew back over to my nook and got on my chair. Guess I won't be sitting there for a while!
I got the cat's bathroom thoroughly cleaned and even got a shower curtain put up. I moved her litter box to another room. I've shown it to her ... sure hope she remembers!
I made a large salad for dinner and then cooked basmati rice and made a turkey Italian Sausage currywurst whch turned out pretty well.
That's pretty much it for me. I got some odds and ends done, but nothing to speak of. Tomorrow's a fresh try.
Have a great Labor Day!
Lisa
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Page 280 - Anxiety Attack
Dear Reader,
One step forward, five steps back! Today was a rough day. I had a pretty clear-cut anxiety attack. Those are so miserable, and it just went on and one and on. Feeling afraid, frustrated because I knew there was nothing to be afraid of and that the fear was unreasonable and irrational and that I should be able to reason my way out of it. Or just keep working and hope that it disappeared. I even took a fourth of a Xanax at one point, but it didn't help. I decided to see if there was anything online and found a site called www.anxiety coach.com. MIT was actually pretty good. He even has a form for tn to fill out, a panic attack diary. I printed off the page, but wouldn't take the time to fill it out. He has five basic steps for dealing with an attack. The first is to just be aware of it, acknowledge and accept it. This is so much like the Welcoming Prayer, so I had no problem with it. Asked to learn what I could from it. You are supposed to use these steps to gently accept it without dreaming out. The second step is to wait and watch ... and maybe work. Panic attacks will peter out on their own, especially if y don't do anything to exacerbate them. So, rather than letting the panic and fear cause you to make a run for it, instead be an observer and wait for it to end, and maybe just continue with whatever work you were doing. The next is to take whatever actions you need in order to make herself a little more comfortable until the attack subsides. He suggests things like belly breathing (I know that this triggers the sympathetic (parasympathetic?) nervous system to calm you down. And to talk to yrself assuring herself that you are actually safe. That it is not your job to "make" the attack end, but to merely observe it until it does end. And then to repeat as necessary. This is to understand that sometimes panic attacks come in waves and y may have to do the work of calming and caring for yourself all over again.
Something on the printed off form caused me to realize that what brought this on was the fear that I was not going to be able to clean my house and keep it clean and the laundry done and the groceries purchased, and the dinners made and the clothes washed and ironed and out up and the yard cleaned up behind the dogs and the trash emptied, etc. etc. when I realized that was what had caused it, I started being able to accept the emotions without freaking out so baldy. OF COURSE I am not going to be able to keep a 5000 sq ft house clean! I'm not even unpacked yet! I have four dogs and a cat and all of their mounds of hair to deal with. I've got all the health,l etc. problems. It was never the intention for me to keep this house clean! I'm just reyng to stay on top of it enough to get by until I am unpacked! Good grief! Realizing that helped a lot, thigh it still "took the stuffing out of me for the rest of the day.
I was able to get a good amount of laundry done and general neatened. The kitchen counter is perfectly clean. I washed the sheets and the blanket for the bed and generally worked too hard, until I reached the point that I now call being tired all the way to a cellular level. I also got some work done in the dressing room whch was great. And the laundry room, which has been a disaster, is starting to come back together. I am moving the ironing board and the steamer up to the dressing room to take care of clothes in there instead of downstairs where there is really no floor room for the ironing board or anythg else.
I have a huge to-do list for tomorrow. It's kind of discouraging to realize that it is utterly impossible before the day has even begun. I do believe, though, that it can have the house basically unpacked and arranged before the end of September.
I have two long, dark hallways upstairs so I have been reading up on how to paint them. And, here's something surprising for you. The natural impulse is to use white, ivory, or other light paint to make it look bigger. But if there is very little light, all you are going to see is the shadows that are created on these colors. Instead, you should use medium tones of paint that have next to no black in them so that the little bit of light actually plays up the color. In fact, the less light there is in a space, the deeper you should go with your color. Isn't that cool! And so counter-intuitive! I haven't decided what color to use yet but, I have this idea that a soft green might be really nice and fresh, and work with all the rooms that open into it. We'll see. Long ways to go, yet, before that decision is made. As in ... DOG HAIR HAS TO BE CLEANED UP!
I'm so hungry. I hope I can go to sleep with no problem. I hope you can too. Oh, and guess what were going to do this weekend? Were going to go to one of the many New York beaches! I'm really looking forward to it! It will be a lot of fun!
Cheers!
Lisa
One step forward, five steps back! Today was a rough day. I had a pretty clear-cut anxiety attack. Those are so miserable, and it just went on and one and on. Feeling afraid, frustrated because I knew there was nothing to be afraid of and that the fear was unreasonable and irrational and that I should be able to reason my way out of it. Or just keep working and hope that it disappeared. I even took a fourth of a Xanax at one point, but it didn't help. I decided to see if there was anything online and found a site called www.anxiety coach.com. MIT was actually pretty good. He even has a form for tn to fill out, a panic attack diary. I printed off the page, but wouldn't take the time to fill it out. He has five basic steps for dealing with an attack. The first is to just be aware of it, acknowledge and accept it. This is so much like the Welcoming Prayer, so I had no problem with it. Asked to learn what I could from it. You are supposed to use these steps to gently accept it without dreaming out. The second step is to wait and watch ... and maybe work. Panic attacks will peter out on their own, especially if y don't do anything to exacerbate them. So, rather than letting the panic and fear cause you to make a run for it, instead be an observer and wait for it to end, and maybe just continue with whatever work you were doing. The next is to take whatever actions you need in order to make herself a little more comfortable until the attack subsides. He suggests things like belly breathing (I know that this triggers the sympathetic (parasympathetic?) nervous system to calm you down. And to talk to yrself assuring herself that you are actually safe. That it is not your job to "make" the attack end, but to merely observe it until it does end. And then to repeat as necessary. This is to understand that sometimes panic attacks come in waves and y may have to do the work of calming and caring for yourself all over again.
Something on the printed off form caused me to realize that what brought this on was the fear that I was not going to be able to clean my house and keep it clean and the laundry done and the groceries purchased, and the dinners made and the clothes washed and ironed and out up and the yard cleaned up behind the dogs and the trash emptied, etc. etc. when I realized that was what had caused it, I started being able to accept the emotions without freaking out so baldy. OF COURSE I am not going to be able to keep a 5000 sq ft house clean! I'm not even unpacked yet! I have four dogs and a cat and all of their mounds of hair to deal with. I've got all the health,l etc. problems. It was never the intention for me to keep this house clean! I'm just reyng to stay on top of it enough to get by until I am unpacked! Good grief! Realizing that helped a lot, thigh it still "took the stuffing out of me for the rest of the day.
I was able to get a good amount of laundry done and general neatened. The kitchen counter is perfectly clean. I washed the sheets and the blanket for the bed and generally worked too hard, until I reached the point that I now call being tired all the way to a cellular level. I also got some work done in the dressing room whch was great. And the laundry room, which has been a disaster, is starting to come back together. I am moving the ironing board and the steamer up to the dressing room to take care of clothes in there instead of downstairs where there is really no floor room for the ironing board or anythg else.
I have a huge to-do list for tomorrow. It's kind of discouraging to realize that it is utterly impossible before the day has even begun. I do believe, though, that it can have the house basically unpacked and arranged before the end of September.
I have two long, dark hallways upstairs so I have been reading up on how to paint them. And, here's something surprising for you. The natural impulse is to use white, ivory, or other light paint to make it look bigger. But if there is very little light, all you are going to see is the shadows that are created on these colors. Instead, you should use medium tones of paint that have next to no black in them so that the little bit of light actually plays up the color. In fact, the less light there is in a space, the deeper you should go with your color. Isn't that cool! And so counter-intuitive! I haven't decided what color to use yet but, I have this idea that a soft green might be really nice and fresh, and work with all the rooms that open into it. We'll see. Long ways to go, yet, before that decision is made. As in ... DOG HAIR HAS TO BE CLEANED UP!
I'm so hungry. I hope I can go to sleep with no problem. I hope you can too. Oh, and guess what were going to do this weekend? Were going to go to one of the many New York beaches! I'm really looking forward to it! It will be a lot of fun!
Cheers!
Lisa
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Day 281 - Feeling Especially Broken Today
Dear Reader,
I hate admitting weakness. I hate BEING weak. And I'm not talking physically, I'm talkinkg about emotional, psychological weakness. I run from it all the time. I hide from it behind my to-do lists. I think that if I "gut it up" ( a Texas phrase) I can do "it" ... whatever ... "it" is. I can function like a normal person and accomplish normal things. I hide and I run. Hide and run from my disorderly mind and heart and soul. I hold up incomparable role models (Beth Moore!) and say, "Why can't you be like her?!" I have the ability. I have the talent. But I don't have the strength.
I'm sure you are wondering what prompted this outpouring. Well, I saw my new psychologist for the second time today. I've been out of a counseling relationship for several months now, and I particularly chose this counselor because of her experience with trauma. So, today as she asked me questions, trying to get a better view of my history, she got close to some areas of my life that I don't like to talk about. I made the conscious decision that, if I wanted help for trauma from a trauma specialist ... I was going to have to talk about traumatic events. So, I did. It's not especially fun when you completely weird out experienced psychologists! At one point I laughed and said, "I bet you don't hear THIS kind of story every day!" She laughed as well (see why I love her!) and said, no, she sure didn't ... and she hears lots of stories!
I came away pretty shaky. I KNOW that I weathered everything in my life remarkably well. I've had numerous doctors and psychologists comment on this saying they are amazed that I didn't crack and develop a split personality. Thank God that He sustained me, even during those years when I didn't know Him!
But I want to be "normal." I want living a sustained life to quit being such hard work! Pathetic, I know. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and take hold of my day and charge into my list and accomplish things! Get my housework done, run errands, and get back to writing. I want to PUBLISH, for crying out loud! And to publish, you have to be able to work and perform and control your life and your time day after day after day. But I'll have one or two good days, and then collapse into an ineffective dithering and distractedness. Being constantly distracted is a huge problem for me. It's like my brain is aflutter with shifting thoughts and plans and ideas. I usually have twenty things on my mind at any one time. I expect that to ease up since we have moved. My life is already significantly less complicated than it was where we were before. And were heading into the new school year starting next week, and I am not inundated with a multiplicity of events! By this time I have usually planned and scheduled 15-20 events that I will host in the first few weeks, all the way down to wardrobe and flowers for the tables. So, while my brain is scrambled right now from decorating decisions, moving, and generally trying to keep a 5000 square foot house moderately clean with four dogs and a cat while cooking and grocery shopping and doing the laundry ... things WILL slow down and, hopefully, my brain will calm down and quit being so reactive.
I'm not going to go into my childhood in this blog. Aren't you happy! I'll just say that it was off the charts and leave it at that.
But the end result is that I am trying to live a normal, and actually an above-normal, life without having the foundation of wholeness that most people have. I don't think anyone has a "normal" childhood or "normal" parents, and I don't think anyone gets through life unwounded and without scars. But I also know that I am surprisingly scarred and wounded from my own past, but I won't accept the effect that has on my daily ability to perform. It's more like ... I think this is a metaphor, or maybe it's a simile. Whatever it is, try to feel what I'm trying to say. Most people live their life with their feet planted on solid ground. The solid ground is the result of a relatively good emotional foundation built for them during their early, formative years. But I don't have that foundation. There was nothing solid at all about my early years. It was all chaos. And, again, I'm going to leave it at that. The best way I can describe what my life feels like is to ask you to imagine that you are standing on layers and layers of plastic poker chips. (I swear, I can NOT think of a better example, although I know there have to be better ones!). I try to stand up and accomplish something (find an agent, polish an article, write a query letter, clean the house, do the laundry, cook a meal) and I struggle to stand on this huge pile of shifting plastic discs. I manage to get upright, though I'm working constantly to maintain my balance, and then all of a sudden one chip shifts just a bit, and then a whole pile slides out from beneath my foot and I crash to the ground again. THAT is what my life feels like and THAT is what is not acceptable to me and I want to be HEALED from this emotional woundedness that weakens me and makes me unstable and makes life so hard. Sometimes it's my body that gives way and causes the fall. I pull a tendon or my back comes out of joint or I have a major reaction or I catch the flu. Two years ago my hip bone almost came out of my socket suddenly. Crazy pain! Ten weeks of physical therapy kind of interfered with plans I had made.
When I was younger and had amnesia, I actually functioned better than I do now! Though there was still the hiding and the emotional running away from something in my psyche. I just didn't know from what I was running until it caught me and took me down and broke down the wall I built that held back the fifteen years of memories I refused to remember.
So. I am in a new place. I have far fewer social demands on me. I am away from my mother. I have a lovely home in a lovely village. I will have household help and laundry help before too much longer. And I have a good doctor and a good psychologist. So, as shaky as I feel today, I am still hopeful. Not giving in yet by any means!
Tomorrow I hope to be able to get a lot of work done in the house. It needs it badly! I have made out only a very basic to-do list.
Perhaps instead of expecting myself to function as well as someone who had a relatively normal childhood and life, I should congratulate myself when I function well at all and should accept that I've been broken and my expectations for myself must be different. While, at the same time, working towards physical and emotional wellness. That would mean no more anger at myself, something I am really working on.
That's it for today. I ate moderately well other than a large chocolate candy bar I got at a picnic today. And I got into the pool twice today, each time for around thirty minutes.
Cheers!
Lisa
I hate admitting weakness. I hate BEING weak. And I'm not talking physically, I'm talkinkg about emotional, psychological weakness. I run from it all the time. I hide from it behind my to-do lists. I think that if I "gut it up" ( a Texas phrase) I can do "it" ... whatever ... "it" is. I can function like a normal person and accomplish normal things. I hide and I run. Hide and run from my disorderly mind and heart and soul. I hold up incomparable role models (Beth Moore!) and say, "Why can't you be like her?!" I have the ability. I have the talent. But I don't have the strength.
I'm sure you are wondering what prompted this outpouring. Well, I saw my new psychologist for the second time today. I've been out of a counseling relationship for several months now, and I particularly chose this counselor because of her experience with trauma. So, today as she asked me questions, trying to get a better view of my history, she got close to some areas of my life that I don't like to talk about. I made the conscious decision that, if I wanted help for trauma from a trauma specialist ... I was going to have to talk about traumatic events. So, I did. It's not especially fun when you completely weird out experienced psychologists! At one point I laughed and said, "I bet you don't hear THIS kind of story every day!" She laughed as well (see why I love her!) and said, no, she sure didn't ... and she hears lots of stories!
I came away pretty shaky. I KNOW that I weathered everything in my life remarkably well. I've had numerous doctors and psychologists comment on this saying they are amazed that I didn't crack and develop a split personality. Thank God that He sustained me, even during those years when I didn't know Him!
But I want to be "normal." I want living a sustained life to quit being such hard work! Pathetic, I know. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and take hold of my day and charge into my list and accomplish things! Get my housework done, run errands, and get back to writing. I want to PUBLISH, for crying out loud! And to publish, you have to be able to work and perform and control your life and your time day after day after day. But I'll have one or two good days, and then collapse into an ineffective dithering and distractedness. Being constantly distracted is a huge problem for me. It's like my brain is aflutter with shifting thoughts and plans and ideas. I usually have twenty things on my mind at any one time. I expect that to ease up since we have moved. My life is already significantly less complicated than it was where we were before. And were heading into the new school year starting next week, and I am not inundated with a multiplicity of events! By this time I have usually planned and scheduled 15-20 events that I will host in the first few weeks, all the way down to wardrobe and flowers for the tables. So, while my brain is scrambled right now from decorating decisions, moving, and generally trying to keep a 5000 square foot house moderately clean with four dogs and a cat while cooking and grocery shopping and doing the laundry ... things WILL slow down and, hopefully, my brain will calm down and quit being so reactive.
I'm not going to go into my childhood in this blog. Aren't you happy! I'll just say that it was off the charts and leave it at that.
But the end result is that I am trying to live a normal, and actually an above-normal, life without having the foundation of wholeness that most people have. I don't think anyone has a "normal" childhood or "normal" parents, and I don't think anyone gets through life unwounded and without scars. But I also know that I am surprisingly scarred and wounded from my own past, but I won't accept the effect that has on my daily ability to perform. It's more like ... I think this is a metaphor, or maybe it's a simile. Whatever it is, try to feel what I'm trying to say. Most people live their life with their feet planted on solid ground. The solid ground is the result of a relatively good emotional foundation built for them during their early, formative years. But I don't have that foundation. There was nothing solid at all about my early years. It was all chaos. And, again, I'm going to leave it at that. The best way I can describe what my life feels like is to ask you to imagine that you are standing on layers and layers of plastic poker chips. (I swear, I can NOT think of a better example, although I know there have to be better ones!). I try to stand up and accomplish something (find an agent, polish an article, write a query letter, clean the house, do the laundry, cook a meal) and I struggle to stand on this huge pile of shifting plastic discs. I manage to get upright, though I'm working constantly to maintain my balance, and then all of a sudden one chip shifts just a bit, and then a whole pile slides out from beneath my foot and I crash to the ground again. THAT is what my life feels like and THAT is what is not acceptable to me and I want to be HEALED from this emotional woundedness that weakens me and makes me unstable and makes life so hard. Sometimes it's my body that gives way and causes the fall. I pull a tendon or my back comes out of joint or I have a major reaction or I catch the flu. Two years ago my hip bone almost came out of my socket suddenly. Crazy pain! Ten weeks of physical therapy kind of interfered with plans I had made.
When I was younger and had amnesia, I actually functioned better than I do now! Though there was still the hiding and the emotional running away from something in my psyche. I just didn't know from what I was running until it caught me and took me down and broke down the wall I built that held back the fifteen years of memories I refused to remember.
So. I am in a new place. I have far fewer social demands on me. I am away from my mother. I have a lovely home in a lovely village. I will have household help and laundry help before too much longer. And I have a good doctor and a good psychologist. So, as shaky as I feel today, I am still hopeful. Not giving in yet by any means!
Tomorrow I hope to be able to get a lot of work done in the house. It needs it badly! I have made out only a very basic to-do list.
Perhaps instead of expecting myself to function as well as someone who had a relatively normal childhood and life, I should congratulate myself when I function well at all and should accept that I've been broken and my expectations for myself must be different. While, at the same time, working towards physical and emotional wellness. That would mean no more anger at myself, something I am really working on.
That's it for today. I ate moderately well other than a large chocolate candy bar I got at a picnic today. And I got into the pool twice today, each time for around thirty minutes.
Cheers!
Lisa
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Day 282 - Did the ALS Challenge
Dear Reader,
I had a tremendously hard time waking up this morning. I left my iPhone downstairs so I didn't have it to set a sharp alarm and only had my very gentle alarm, so it was two and a half hrs before I woke up sufficiently to get out of bed. I didn't have time to exercise by now because I had to go straight to the nearby city to try to register my car again. No go, third time in a row. Since the bank owns the car, and not us ... my husband can't give it to me. So he HAS to come down with me to the DMV to get it registered. Bummer. And another wasted trip.
Then I got my hair colored and my bangs trimmed. Feel like I hit the jackpot with this salon. Love them there!
Then to the grocery store and made dinner. Did the ALS challenge, ate, watched two,episodes of House, cleaned the kitchen and am now in bed. It's just 10:32!
I've gone through a lot more fabrics online and need to place some orders tomorrow. I beginning to get a hold of this pink/beige/gray color scheme at last.
I was a little dismayed today when talking to my mother to learn that she knew about the black mold in her hall and didn't do anything about it. I told her that the huge swelling in my abdomen was going down and she commented on how huge it had gotten and she had never seen it get that big before. I said it just have been the black mold because there was nothing else to explain it. She said, "Oh! Don't keep bringing up the mold and making me feel guilty!" I said, "But you didn't know it was there!" And she said that, yes, she had. She hadn't looked at it for a while, deliberately, because she hadn't wanted to spend the money to get the roof fixed. But she could have had someone come in and clean up the mold quite easily and inexpensively, but just didn't, even though she knows very well that I am highly susceptible to it.
Whatcha gonna do? I know I won't go back until it has been completely cleaned up, though.
That's it for me.
Cheers!
Lisa
I had a tremendously hard time waking up this morning. I left my iPhone downstairs so I didn't have it to set a sharp alarm and only had my very gentle alarm, so it was two and a half hrs before I woke up sufficiently to get out of bed. I didn't have time to exercise by now because I had to go straight to the nearby city to try to register my car again. No go, third time in a row. Since the bank owns the car, and not us ... my husband can't give it to me. So he HAS to come down with me to the DMV to get it registered. Bummer. And another wasted trip.
Then I got my hair colored and my bangs trimmed. Feel like I hit the jackpot with this salon. Love them there!
Then to the grocery store and made dinner. Did the ALS challenge, ate, watched two,episodes of House, cleaned the kitchen and am now in bed. It's just 10:32!
I've gone through a lot more fabrics online and need to place some orders tomorrow. I beginning to get a hold of this pink/beige/gray color scheme at last.
I was a little dismayed today when talking to my mother to learn that she knew about the black mold in her hall and didn't do anything about it. I told her that the huge swelling in my abdomen was going down and she commented on how huge it had gotten and she had never seen it get that big before. I said it just have been the black mold because there was nothing else to explain it. She said, "Oh! Don't keep bringing up the mold and making me feel guilty!" I said, "But you didn't know it was there!" And she said that, yes, she had. She hadn't looked at it for a while, deliberately, because she hadn't wanted to spend the money to get the roof fixed. But she could have had someone come in and clean up the mold quite easily and inexpensively, but just didn't, even though she knows very well that I am highly susceptible to it.
Whatcha gonna do? I know I won't go back until it has been completely cleaned up, though.
That's it for me.
Cheers!
Lisa
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Day 283 - Don't You Just Love the DMV?!
Dear Reader,
Thanks for hanging in here with me for so long! You're the best! I swam again this morning. I even got my dog, Beatrice, in with me for a while, just holding her and walking around with her in my arms. She's not a fan yet, but we'll see.
I ate what I think is a fairly good breakfast: a gluten-free English muffin and a slice of veggie cheese with a cup of tea. It's not great, but it's not bad either.
I went and got my social security card ordered today. It should be here in seven days. Can't get my driver's license until I get my card ... I tried!
Then I went to get my car registered, only to find that BOTH owners have to appear and prove their identity to register a car in New York! And, only my husband's name was on the insurance card, so I've had to have it reissued with my name one it. My husband gave me the car and filled in the paper work rather than have to find a time to drive to this place with me. So, hopefully, the car will at least be registered. Then, I think I have to have it inspected, but I haven't figured that out yet.
I got to the chiropractor, which was a good thing because my right arm was starting to really hurt again. He had a hard time moving the right side of my neck today
I mad a nice salad tonight with turkey bacon, field greens, pistachios, pear, and raspberries with a.blueberry vinaigrette and a gluten-free baguette. I'm hungry again, though, darn it.
It's 11:30 and I'm sleepy and ready to turn it in for the night. My niece nominated me for the ALS ice bucket challenge, so I'll have to do that tomorrow. Poor people. It is such a terrible disease!
I'm planning on walking in the morning instead of swimming. My hat should be fun. I'm going to get on this trail I'm always complaining that I've not gotten on yet.
Cheers!
Lisa
Thanks for hanging in here with me for so long! You're the best! I swam again this morning. I even got my dog, Beatrice, in with me for a while, just holding her and walking around with her in my arms. She's not a fan yet, but we'll see.
I ate what I think is a fairly good breakfast: a gluten-free English muffin and a slice of veggie cheese with a cup of tea. It's not great, but it's not bad either.
I went and got my social security card ordered today. It should be here in seven days. Can't get my driver's license until I get my card ... I tried!
Then I went to get my car registered, only to find that BOTH owners have to appear and prove their identity to register a car in New York! And, only my husband's name was on the insurance card, so I've had to have it reissued with my name one it. My husband gave me the car and filled in the paper work rather than have to find a time to drive to this place with me. So, hopefully, the car will at least be registered. Then, I think I have to have it inspected, but I haven't figured that out yet.
I got to the chiropractor, which was a good thing because my right arm was starting to really hurt again. He had a hard time moving the right side of my neck today
I mad a nice salad tonight with turkey bacon, field greens, pistachios, pear, and raspberries with a.blueberry vinaigrette and a gluten-free baguette. I'm hungry again, though, darn it.
It's 11:30 and I'm sleepy and ready to turn it in for the night. My niece nominated me for the ALS ice bucket challenge, so I'll have to do that tomorrow. Poor people. It is such a terrible disease!
I'm planning on walking in the morning instead of swimming. My hat should be fun. I'm going to get on this trail I'm always complaining that I've not gotten on yet.
Cheers!
Lisa
Monday, August 25, 2014
Day 284 - Profitable Day
Dear Reader,
I did get up and swim. Could only do five laps doing the breast stroke, but after that, I did some water aerobic exercises and continued for thirty minutes total. I sprayed off several folding chairs that had gotten spider webs on them. Then I sprayed down some cushions that had gotten very dirty from being under a big tree, and cleaned the glass table top to my large, round wicker table. After that, I read my Bible and prayed. Then bathed, dressed, and did my makeup and hair.
I then began preparing all the forms to get a new social security number, a driver's license, car registration, and some other form so we don't have to pay taxes. I had to call our New York insurance agent to get an authorization saying that we do have insurance. It took forever! But I now know how much my Terrain ways!
Then I left and drove to a city to get all this done, only to find that the offices close at 3:00 every day except Wednesday ... when they close at noon!
I'll be taking care of this tomorrow.
I made grilled cheese sandwiches and made a Paleo tomato soup for dinner that turned out delicious! I used gluten-free bread and Go Veggie cheese slices and ... it was really quite good! Then after dinner, we went for a walk around the block.
I hoped to go to the chiropractor today because the pain in my right arm and shoulder has been building up each day and is pretty severe now, but I didn't have time. Definitely have to MAKE time tomorrow.
That's it till tomorrow!
Cheers!
Lisa
I did get up and swim. Could only do five laps doing the breast stroke, but after that, I did some water aerobic exercises and continued for thirty minutes total. I sprayed off several folding chairs that had gotten spider webs on them. Then I sprayed down some cushions that had gotten very dirty from being under a big tree, and cleaned the glass table top to my large, round wicker table. After that, I read my Bible and prayed. Then bathed, dressed, and did my makeup and hair.
I then began preparing all the forms to get a new social security number, a driver's license, car registration, and some other form so we don't have to pay taxes. I had to call our New York insurance agent to get an authorization saying that we do have insurance. It took forever! But I now know how much my Terrain ways!
Then I left and drove to a city to get all this done, only to find that the offices close at 3:00 every day except Wednesday ... when they close at noon!
I'll be taking care of this tomorrow.
I made grilled cheese sandwiches and made a Paleo tomato soup for dinner that turned out delicious! I used gluten-free bread and Go Veggie cheese slices and ... it was really quite good! Then after dinner, we went for a walk around the block.
I hoped to go to the chiropractor today because the pain in my right arm and shoulder has been building up each day and is pretty severe now, but I didn't have time. Definitely have to MAKE time tomorrow.
That's it till tomorrow!
Cheers!
Lisa
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Day 285 - Back Home!
Dear Reader,
I am back home after spending several days with my mother. Overall I would say the trip was a success. I didn't have internet while I was there, which was horrible! And I couldn't figure out how to access the blog on my iPhone, so I will just cover the highlights.
I did get the saline prolotherapy ... first and last time. The pain was horrible!! Far worse than it is with the sugar solution. My kids went with me and then we went out to eat and had a nice visit. I think my son has a new job he may be starting tomorrow.
My mother had her 91st birthday. My son came down to go to lunch with us, and my daughter came down to go to dinner with us. My mother suggested Noodles for dinner. There's virtually noting in this town but chain restaurants. But, while we were there, she had a sudden anxiety attack ... worst one I've seen her have in a long time. She suddenly just kind of freaked out over it being noisy and said she couldn't hear what the people taking our order were sayings. And then she kind of freaked to over the fancy Coke machine because she kept touching it wrong and couldn't get the coke flavor she wanted. My daughter and I got her to a table away from every one and talked her down. She was shaking really bad from the big cortisol and adrenaline rush, but recovered after a while.
My daughter had asked if I would buy her some new makeup because she was out of everything. I was happy to do this because she has.not been taking good care of herself and had almost quit wearing makeup. I was also glad to because I think her boyfriend doesn't want her to wear makeup ... so I wanted to get her back into wearing it. She actually let me teach her some things about makeup and let me find the things she needed. Happily, my mother beat me to the punch and bought the items while I was looking for shampoo.
I got to go with my mother to see my husband's oil portrait that has been painted and hung along with the past presidents of the university. It is FANTASTIC!!! So proud of him! Then we met with the new president and saw how she had changed the house. She has it decorated very somberly and seriously. Sage greens and blacks, etc. it's very nice, but I think it is much too contemporary of a look for an 1878 house. I don't think it's as warm and inviting as how I had it ... personally! But she is SO nice and we had a great visit.
I met my kids in Nashville on another day. My mother was going to come with me, but got to feeling unwell and I had to take her back home. We went to a guitar shop and I got our son his birthday present. Then we went to a very funky Mexican restaurant for dinner. He has written a song and played me a recording and ... I am telling you completely honestly ... it is TRULY WONDERFUL! I loved it!
My daughter and I then went to a new bath products store called Lush and had a nice time shopping there. We went to the coffee shop outside of Nordstrom for me to have some coffee with espresso before I tried to drive home. I was really tired! I didn't get much sleep while I was there.
My mother has a leak in her roof that she has known about, but didn't want to spend the money on getting it repaired. She keeps the lights out in her house except for the room she is in ... so I don't think she had turned her hall light on for quite a while. So ... when I turned it on, I was horrified to see black mold growing through the ceiling and all along the top six inches of the wall for a good fifteen feet! About 2% of the population have the gene that makes them especially susceptible to black mold and I am, of course, in that 2%! I knew I was super swollen up, and I guess that exposure is the reason why. I also had a big bunch of taste buds drop off my tongue after I ate something, this is called geographic tongue and it is related to allergies. And then today my left ear actually swelled shut! I tried to out headphones on in the plane, but the left one hurt really badly. I took the headphones off and felt my ear and it was actually shut!
That's it for now. It's good to be back.
Cheers!
Liss
I am back home after spending several days with my mother. Overall I would say the trip was a success. I didn't have internet while I was there, which was horrible! And I couldn't figure out how to access the blog on my iPhone, so I will just cover the highlights.
I did get the saline prolotherapy ... first and last time. The pain was horrible!! Far worse than it is with the sugar solution. My kids went with me and then we went out to eat and had a nice visit. I think my son has a new job he may be starting tomorrow.
My mother had her 91st birthday. My son came down to go to lunch with us, and my daughter came down to go to dinner with us. My mother suggested Noodles for dinner. There's virtually noting in this town but chain restaurants. But, while we were there, she had a sudden anxiety attack ... worst one I've seen her have in a long time. She suddenly just kind of freaked out over it being noisy and said she couldn't hear what the people taking our order were sayings. And then she kind of freaked to over the fancy Coke machine because she kept touching it wrong and couldn't get the coke flavor she wanted. My daughter and I got her to a table away from every one and talked her down. She was shaking really bad from the big cortisol and adrenaline rush, but recovered after a while.
My daughter had asked if I would buy her some new makeup because she was out of everything. I was happy to do this because she has.not been taking good care of herself and had almost quit wearing makeup. I was also glad to because I think her boyfriend doesn't want her to wear makeup ... so I wanted to get her back into wearing it. She actually let me teach her some things about makeup and let me find the things she needed. Happily, my mother beat me to the punch and bought the items while I was looking for shampoo.
I got to go with my mother to see my husband's oil portrait that has been painted and hung along with the past presidents of the university. It is FANTASTIC!!! So proud of him! Then we met with the new president and saw how she had changed the house. She has it decorated very somberly and seriously. Sage greens and blacks, etc. it's very nice, but I think it is much too contemporary of a look for an 1878 house. I don't think it's as warm and inviting as how I had it ... personally! But she is SO nice and we had a great visit.
I met my kids in Nashville on another day. My mother was going to come with me, but got to feeling unwell and I had to take her back home. We went to a guitar shop and I got our son his birthday present. Then we went to a very funky Mexican restaurant for dinner. He has written a song and played me a recording and ... I am telling you completely honestly ... it is TRULY WONDERFUL! I loved it!
My daughter and I then went to a new bath products store called Lush and had a nice time shopping there. We went to the coffee shop outside of Nordstrom for me to have some coffee with espresso before I tried to drive home. I was really tired! I didn't get much sleep while I was there.
My mother has a leak in her roof that she has known about, but didn't want to spend the money on getting it repaired. She keeps the lights out in her house except for the room she is in ... so I don't think she had turned her hall light on for quite a while. So ... when I turned it on, I was horrified to see black mold growing through the ceiling and all along the top six inches of the wall for a good fifteen feet! About 2% of the population have the gene that makes them especially susceptible to black mold and I am, of course, in that 2%! I knew I was super swollen up, and I guess that exposure is the reason why. I also had a big bunch of taste buds drop off my tongue after I ate something, this is called geographic tongue and it is related to allergies. And then today my left ear actually swelled shut! I tried to out headphones on in the plane, but the left one hurt really badly. I took the headphones off and felt my ear and it was actually shut!
That's it for now. It's good to be back.
Cheers!
Liss
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Day 290 - Guess Who Is No Longer Mad at Herself?!
ME, that's who! I had my follow-up appointment with my new functional medicine doctor and got my test results. And, the news was not exactly good news. I'm in worse health than I knew. I think this doctor is going to be so good. I may have mentioned that she is an assistant, or associate, professor at a New York medical school. She did much more thorough testing than my previous doctor did. And these are the results, in a nutshell.
My cholesterol is high
My triglycerides are high
My good cholesterol is low. One thing that this means is that my body is not being able to use the 3000 mg of fish oil I take every day. She is taking me off of that and putting me on 2000 mg of a fish oil that has omega 3 and 7 ... something I've never even heard of before.
My magnesium levels are very low, which leads to anxiety and pain
My inflammation level is huger than before at 6.6 (3 is a high risk of a heart attack)
I may be iodine-deficient
My "active" thyroid is low, though my other levels are normal. This means that the Synthroid is in my blood, but my body is not being able to use it ... so I still have low-thyroid
My testosterone level is crazy high! The highest a woman should be at is 10 ... and I am 95! This is a man's level of testosterone. She was not happy with my EPT cream (estrogen/progresterone/testosterone). She said my estroidial is super low in it, there is NO progesterone in it, and the testosterone is too low. So I am going to have to have another hormone levels test for this.
My DHEA levels are too high. I have been taking 30 mg a day, so she is taking me off of that supplement completely
My D3 levels are way low.
My Leptin levels are too high, which means I am "metabolically stunted" ... not sure what that means, but the result is being overweight.
And something called carnitine, I think, is essentially completely depleted. This stuff produces energy, burns fat and increases muscle mass ... and I, virtually, don't have any.
My kidney filtration rate is low
My mercury levels are high. So I'm going to have to be tested for heavy metals.
Seeing all of this was strangely reassuring. I'm really not very well. My fatigue and no it being able to wake up makes perfect sense
.. It's all right there in black and white on the paper. She was a little taken aback about how messed up everything was, but her words were great. She just said, several times, "we've got a lot of work to do!"
I leave early in the morning to go to Tennessee. My husband can't take me, so a car service is driving me in to the airport. And my daughter is picking me up, so I can't wait to see her! She's going to cart me around tomorrow and take me to my prolotheaoy appt tomorrow. So, think of me at 3:00 as I get 150 mg of saline injected into my joints, tendons, and ligaments with 3, 4, and 5 inch needles! And NO topical a aesthetic because I'm highly allergic to it!
That fall the other day has really messed up my L5 vertebra. I had forgotten how great it felt to not be in pain from it. Y never really notice how good NOT being in pain is. Oh ... and I have some kind of rash that's come up on my toe that wasn't getting good circulation and which I rubbed a little bit raw when I went into Manhattan to see my friend. She prescribed a steroid cream for it.
I did put write yesterday because my anxiety was off the charts! I was a wreck. I used to get very upset about leaving home for any length of time, and I guess that's part of what was going on. I'm slowly making headway and I don't want to leave! Plus, everything had piled up from not being able to work much last week from being in so much pain. And that always freaks me out and causes me to feel afraid.
Tomorrow will be the first time I have flown by myself since I was 23. I hope I don't set down my boarding pass and forget it!
So, that's it for me. I'm uneasy at going to my mother's house. I'll be there for three solid days and part of another. I was hoping my brothers would be coming in, but they're not. So ... fun, fun!
Cheers!
Lisa
My cholesterol is high
My triglycerides are high
My good cholesterol is low. One thing that this means is that my body is not being able to use the 3000 mg of fish oil I take every day. She is taking me off of that and putting me on 2000 mg of a fish oil that has omega 3 and 7 ... something I've never even heard of before.
My magnesium levels are very low, which leads to anxiety and pain
My inflammation level is huger than before at 6.6 (3 is a high risk of a heart attack)
I may be iodine-deficient
My "active" thyroid is low, though my other levels are normal. This means that the Synthroid is in my blood, but my body is not being able to use it ... so I still have low-thyroid
My testosterone level is crazy high! The highest a woman should be at is 10 ... and I am 95! This is a man's level of testosterone. She was not happy with my EPT cream (estrogen/progresterone/testosterone). She said my estroidial is super low in it, there is NO progesterone in it, and the testosterone is too low. So I am going to have to have another hormone levels test for this.
My DHEA levels are too high. I have been taking 30 mg a day, so she is taking me off of that supplement completely
My D3 levels are way low.
My Leptin levels are too high, which means I am "metabolically stunted" ... not sure what that means, but the result is being overweight.
And something called carnitine, I think, is essentially completely depleted. This stuff produces energy, burns fat and increases muscle mass ... and I, virtually, don't have any.
My kidney filtration rate is low
My mercury levels are high. So I'm going to have to be tested for heavy metals.
Seeing all of this was strangely reassuring. I'm really not very well. My fatigue and no it being able to wake up makes perfect sense
.. It's all right there in black and white on the paper. She was a little taken aback about how messed up everything was, but her words were great. She just said, several times, "we've got a lot of work to do!"
I leave early in the morning to go to Tennessee. My husband can't take me, so a car service is driving me in to the airport. And my daughter is picking me up, so I can't wait to see her! She's going to cart me around tomorrow and take me to my prolotheaoy appt tomorrow. So, think of me at 3:00 as I get 150 mg of saline injected into my joints, tendons, and ligaments with 3, 4, and 5 inch needles! And NO topical a aesthetic because I'm highly allergic to it!
That fall the other day has really messed up my L5 vertebra. I had forgotten how great it felt to not be in pain from it. Y never really notice how good NOT being in pain is. Oh ... and I have some kind of rash that's come up on my toe that wasn't getting good circulation and which I rubbed a little bit raw when I went into Manhattan to see my friend. She prescribed a steroid cream for it.
I did put write yesterday because my anxiety was off the charts! I was a wreck. I used to get very upset about leaving home for any length of time, and I guess that's part of what was going on. I'm slowly making headway and I don't want to leave! Plus, everything had piled up from not being able to work much last week from being in so much pain. And that always freaks me out and causes me to feel afraid.
Tomorrow will be the first time I have flown by myself since I was 23. I hope I don't set down my boarding pass and forget it!
So, that's it for me. I'm uneasy at going to my mother's house. I'll be there for three solid days and part of another. I was hoping my brothers would be coming in, but they're not. So ... fun, fun!
Cheers!
Lisa
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Day 292 - Never Judge a Church by It's Website!
Dear Reader,
This morning I woke up and GOT up in time to go to church. (Cue applause!). I had suggested to my husband that we try out churches as a social experiment, see the different forms the church has in New York. That way we won't be "looking" for a church and come away disappointed. Instead, we will just visit a plethora of churches and be surprised when we find "ours." So, the two churches we were interested met at 10:00 am ... insane! So I found one in a nearby village that had a FANTASTIC looking website. This place was rocking! So, we jumped in the car and found it.
It was awful.
They were meeting in an old church building that I guess they rent. Old, not in the sense of quaint and beautiful. Old in the sense of dark and dingy. And downright dirty! A keyboard near us was covered in dust. You could see back in a little choir room and it was all disordered and looked dirty. Someone had unwrapped something and just left the cellophane wrapper on the window ledge. There was one dying plant arrangement on one window ledge and two little plants in styrofoam cups. The people seemed very poor, but were quite welcoming. If we had decided to go there, though, I would have had to come in and scrub it down from stem to stern. (Never get to use that expression much ... not sure what it means ... boating terminology?). Anyway. That's not going to be a problem. I met the pastor out front while my husband parked the car. He seemed quite nice and said he was on a semi-sabbatical, so he was here but the pastor emeritus was preaching. My ears immediately pricked up. Pastor Emeritus means ... OLD! Well, the guitar wasn't tuned, and the three singers all seemed to be using a different key for the music. It was sad ... but sincere and I could overlook that. But then the preacher got up and it was just terrible! He used this old-time, revivalist-style, LOUD voice! And it seemed like he was going to make up in this one sermon for all the years since he has preached last. Seriously. He probably had six sermons in all of that. But, it was kind of sermon-by-concordance-search. That's sort of the expository equivalent of paint-by-numbers. It was like he got out his concordance and looked up the word "trust", picked out the ten verse he liked the best and read them all verbatim. Then, he looked up the word "providence" and did the same. He threw in an example from time to time. Like, for "providence" he used an experience from years ago, when he and his wife decided not to go some where and returned home only to find that they had left a pot of water on the stove and it had almost boiled dry. Now, I don't know about you ... but I have done this very thing. I've ruined a couple of pots and one ceramic teapot, but it's scarcely something that's going to go down, in my book at least, as a major act of Providence! And, if that's all you've got to offer, then that's just not much. Anyway, it just went on like that. Another illustration he used from a more recent event also included a pot of water that had almost boiled dry. So ... guess how long he preached?? MORE THAN AN HOUR!!! We were about to die and were struggling to stay awake! Maybe that's why he uses a loud voice, to keep people from falling asleep? As we left, the pastor came running to catch up with us and said that he was preaching next week and he hoped we'd come back and he and his wife would like to have us over for lunch afterwards if we came. I felt so sorry for him! He was obviously very embarrassed.
We came home and ate lunch and then watched a House, M.D., episode to shake off the ick that had settled on us.
So ... here's a question for you. Am I and my husband the only two Christians who think the movie "Heaven Is For Real" is just awful?? I mean, it's interesting and all. Did the kid go to heaven? Did the other little girl who painted a picture of Jesus that the little boy recognized also go to heaven? Maybe the book was better, but I just thought the movie was boring and couldn't even be rescued by Greg Kinnear's enhanced-blue eyes! And I thought that his little burst of anger at God was fairly pathetic. I mean ... if her going to be angry at God (and who hasn't been?) ... then really be angry! Don't just kick a couple of chairs. Of course, I know that I'm talking about a screen-writer's adaptation of the book, not the man's actual experience. But ... I'm just so tired of hearing all of this, "God took my child!" stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I should ... hmmm ... WRITE something about it!
Anyway,,the rest of the day I mostly worked in my study. It's actually starting to come along a little bit. I think I may even be able to put together my glass desk by myself.
I think I scheduled Allied to come pick up the empty boxes tomorrow. I still have a million things to get done, but if I apply myself hard tomorrow, maybe it can pull a good bit of it off.
Well, that's it for me. I hope tomorrow is a great start to your week.
Lisa
This morning I woke up and GOT up in time to go to church. (Cue applause!). I had suggested to my husband that we try out churches as a social experiment, see the different forms the church has in New York. That way we won't be "looking" for a church and come away disappointed. Instead, we will just visit a plethora of churches and be surprised when we find "ours." So, the two churches we were interested met at 10:00 am ... insane! So I found one in a nearby village that had a FANTASTIC looking website. This place was rocking! So, we jumped in the car and found it.
It was awful.
They were meeting in an old church building that I guess they rent. Old, not in the sense of quaint and beautiful. Old in the sense of dark and dingy. And downright dirty! A keyboard near us was covered in dust. You could see back in a little choir room and it was all disordered and looked dirty. Someone had unwrapped something and just left the cellophane wrapper on the window ledge. There was one dying plant arrangement on one window ledge and two little plants in styrofoam cups. The people seemed very poor, but were quite welcoming. If we had decided to go there, though, I would have had to come in and scrub it down from stem to stern. (Never get to use that expression much ... not sure what it means ... boating terminology?). Anyway. That's not going to be a problem. I met the pastor out front while my husband parked the car. He seemed quite nice and said he was on a semi-sabbatical, so he was here but the pastor emeritus was preaching. My ears immediately pricked up. Pastor Emeritus means ... OLD! Well, the guitar wasn't tuned, and the three singers all seemed to be using a different key for the music. It was sad ... but sincere and I could overlook that. But then the preacher got up and it was just terrible! He used this old-time, revivalist-style, LOUD voice! And it seemed like he was going to make up in this one sermon for all the years since he has preached last. Seriously. He probably had six sermons in all of that. But, it was kind of sermon-by-concordance-search. That's sort of the expository equivalent of paint-by-numbers. It was like he got out his concordance and looked up the word "trust", picked out the ten verse he liked the best and read them all verbatim. Then, he looked up the word "providence" and did the same. He threw in an example from time to time. Like, for "providence" he used an experience from years ago, when he and his wife decided not to go some where and returned home only to find that they had left a pot of water on the stove and it had almost boiled dry. Now, I don't know about you ... but I have done this very thing. I've ruined a couple of pots and one ceramic teapot, but it's scarcely something that's going to go down, in my book at least, as a major act of Providence! And, if that's all you've got to offer, then that's just not much. Anyway, it just went on like that. Another illustration he used from a more recent event also included a pot of water that had almost boiled dry. So ... guess how long he preached?? MORE THAN AN HOUR!!! We were about to die and were struggling to stay awake! Maybe that's why he uses a loud voice, to keep people from falling asleep? As we left, the pastor came running to catch up with us and said that he was preaching next week and he hoped we'd come back and he and his wife would like to have us over for lunch afterwards if we came. I felt so sorry for him! He was obviously very embarrassed.
We came home and ate lunch and then watched a House, M.D., episode to shake off the ick that had settled on us.
So ... here's a question for you. Am I and my husband the only two Christians who think the movie "Heaven Is For Real" is just awful?? I mean, it's interesting and all. Did the kid go to heaven? Did the other little girl who painted a picture of Jesus that the little boy recognized also go to heaven? Maybe the book was better, but I just thought the movie was boring and couldn't even be rescued by Greg Kinnear's enhanced-blue eyes! And I thought that his little burst of anger at God was fairly pathetic. I mean ... if her going to be angry at God (and who hasn't been?) ... then really be angry! Don't just kick a couple of chairs. Of course, I know that I'm talking about a screen-writer's adaptation of the book, not the man's actual experience. But ... I'm just so tired of hearing all of this, "God took my child!" stuff. Maybe, just maybe, I should ... hmmm ... WRITE something about it!
Anyway,,the rest of the day I mostly worked in my study. It's actually starting to come along a little bit. I think I may even be able to put together my glass desk by myself.
I think I scheduled Allied to come pick up the empty boxes tomorrow. I still have a million things to get done, but if I apply myself hard tomorrow, maybe it can pull a good bit of it off.
Well, that's it for me. I hope tomorrow is a great start to your week.
Lisa
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Day 293 - Xanax up is Hitting! Nighty Night!
Dear Reader,
Friday was a pretty full day. I had to get up early to see a new psychologist, the one I've told you about it. First impression? WONDERFUL! I really thought I'd leave there feeling completely depressed about my life, but I didn't at all. She is in her 60's, I imagine. Her office is in her home on the second floor. The staircase is lined with tons of family photos. Her office is warm tones of beige and honey with two large windows, so it is airy and bright. Perfect for me and SO much better than the last place which was in the basement of a building and was kind of gloomy. We actually just had a nice talk. I talked more about the last few years than childhood/adolescence, etc. I told her about what led up to my breakdown, filled her in on the major players in my life. A little about health issues. She smiled a lot and said that I must be "complicated"! If I had a dime for every time I've heard that before! Anyway, I am very happy to be working with her. She asked what my goal for therapy was and I said I wanted to be normal. I realized how lame that sounded and said that I had a lot of self-defeating habits and behaviors that I would like to get past. And, of course, we talked about the PTSD. So, that was very encouraging. Yay!
Next I went to Ethan Allen and met with the decorator and knocked out some better paint colors for the sunroom. I think I'm going to like this much better. And I did pick out an indoor/outdoor rug for the sunroom that I think will not only be more practical, but will look a lot better.
Then I went to a fabric store and looked at fabrics. They ordered several samples for me. Unfortunately,this turned out to not be a place where they have the fabric there, they just have all,the books there. So I found the PERFECT Ralph Lauren fabric for the drapes in my husband's study with a coordinating fabric for a pillow in his chair and a coordinating velvet for window seat covers. It will be GORGEOUS! Only one problem. After I got home I checked the price of the fabric and it is $129 a yard!! No chance! So I did a web search and found a site on etsy that has 12 yards for $40 each. Now, that is mor like it. I have to measure it tomorrow and see if 12 yards will do it. A quick head count says I can do it, but I bet that's wrong. But no cotton fabric is worth $129 a yard!
After that I saw the chiropractor. He did take X-rays of. Y neck. My vertebrae are staying in pretty good alignment with flexing so that's good. But he showed me something that I don't think anyone else has picked up on. It looks like the car wreck actually chipped off a corner of one of my vertebrae in my neck ... the corner of the C-4. You can see where the chip broke off and where it has grown back together. I knew it hurt!!!
My back and neck are adjusting more easily now. It's not taking as much force to get them to move. So, I think that may mean that some of the swelling is going down. He says that I have ligament laxity. That some of that comes with age, but mostly mine is caused by the underlying Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. So, getting adjustments is going to be a constant thing because my ligaments can't hold an adjustment. He did mor e-STEM treatment. My left arm is fine and I think has got full mobility back. But my right arm is still another story. There is a line of pain that runs the length of my bicep and the ligaments from my neck to my neck to my shoulder are still very painful and tender. And, if I touch the outside of my upper arm, it feels that awful pain/fire that I think can only come from nerve damage. I haven't looked further into wheth or not this can be just an attack from the Ehlers-danios, or something else, like being without my cymbalta for two long. My thighs are still in a lot of pain and I even seemed to pull a tendon on my right calf just below the back of the knee. Finding a rheumatologist should probably be fairly high on my list of priorities.
I was flipping through a Pottery Barn catalogue and found what I want to use in the room that we are converting into a closet. I think it will look nice without being ridiculously expensive like the closet systems you see everywhere. I have nine yards of a gorgeous fabric I bought probably fifteen years ago that I have been hanging on to all this time. It is the matching fabric to some wallpaper I used three houses ago. It is so beautiful and very romantic. I think I want to use it to make drapes for the two windows in the closet room and paint the walls a dusky light pink.
I think the foyer is going to be Hollywood glamorous before it's through.
I've chewed all my nails off to the quick again. Darn.
The house was in a really bad state today from me not being able to do much of anything this week because of my arms. I got the breakfast room cleaned and the pool house cleaned, and the kitchen cleaned.my bath room neatened,some laundry done, I also got some floors swept. It's always amazing how much these dogs shed. I went to the grocery store and made a simple meal of mnepaked potatoes and a large salad.
I'm reading an amazing book called "All the Light We Cannot See." Exquisily written but I don't think timid going to end well,for,our two protagonists. One is a blind french girl, 16 years old and a German boy about the same agel. He is using trigonometry to capture illegal french broadspcasts. She and her great uncle and her great uncle arm are broadcasting illegal transmissions. They are currently in the same town with him
Xanax is go hitting. Goy yo sleep now.
Cheers.,
Lisa
Friday was a pretty full day. I had to get up early to see a new psychologist, the one I've told you about it. First impression? WONDERFUL! I really thought I'd leave there feeling completely depressed about my life, but I didn't at all. She is in her 60's, I imagine. Her office is in her home on the second floor. The staircase is lined with tons of family photos. Her office is warm tones of beige and honey with two large windows, so it is airy and bright. Perfect for me and SO much better than the last place which was in the basement of a building and was kind of gloomy. We actually just had a nice talk. I talked more about the last few years than childhood/adolescence, etc. I told her about what led up to my breakdown, filled her in on the major players in my life. A little about health issues. She smiled a lot and said that I must be "complicated"! If I had a dime for every time I've heard that before! Anyway, I am very happy to be working with her. She asked what my goal for therapy was and I said I wanted to be normal. I realized how lame that sounded and said that I had a lot of self-defeating habits and behaviors that I would like to get past. And, of course, we talked about the PTSD. So, that was very encouraging. Yay!
Next I went to Ethan Allen and met with the decorator and knocked out some better paint colors for the sunroom. I think I'm going to like this much better. And I did pick out an indoor/outdoor rug for the sunroom that I think will not only be more practical, but will look a lot better.
Then I went to a fabric store and looked at fabrics. They ordered several samples for me. Unfortunately,this turned out to not be a place where they have the fabric there, they just have all,the books there. So I found the PERFECT Ralph Lauren fabric for the drapes in my husband's study with a coordinating fabric for a pillow in his chair and a coordinating velvet for window seat covers. It will be GORGEOUS! Only one problem. After I got home I checked the price of the fabric and it is $129 a yard!! No chance! So I did a web search and found a site on etsy that has 12 yards for $40 each. Now, that is mor like it. I have to measure it tomorrow and see if 12 yards will do it. A quick head count says I can do it, but I bet that's wrong. But no cotton fabric is worth $129 a yard!
After that I saw the chiropractor. He did take X-rays of. Y neck. My vertebrae are staying in pretty good alignment with flexing so that's good. But he showed me something that I don't think anyone else has picked up on. It looks like the car wreck actually chipped off a corner of one of my vertebrae in my neck ... the corner of the C-4. You can see where the chip broke off and where it has grown back together. I knew it hurt!!!
My back and neck are adjusting more easily now. It's not taking as much force to get them to move. So, I think that may mean that some of the swelling is going down. He says that I have ligament laxity. That some of that comes with age, but mostly mine is caused by the underlying Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. So, getting adjustments is going to be a constant thing because my ligaments can't hold an adjustment. He did mor e-STEM treatment. My left arm is fine and I think has got full mobility back. But my right arm is still another story. There is a line of pain that runs the length of my bicep and the ligaments from my neck to my neck to my shoulder are still very painful and tender. And, if I touch the outside of my upper arm, it feels that awful pain/fire that I think can only come from nerve damage. I haven't looked further into wheth or not this can be just an attack from the Ehlers-danios, or something else, like being without my cymbalta for two long. My thighs are still in a lot of pain and I even seemed to pull a tendon on my right calf just below the back of the knee. Finding a rheumatologist should probably be fairly high on my list of priorities.
I was flipping through a Pottery Barn catalogue and found what I want to use in the room that we are converting into a closet. I think it will look nice without being ridiculously expensive like the closet systems you see everywhere. I have nine yards of a gorgeous fabric I bought probably fifteen years ago that I have been hanging on to all this time. It is the matching fabric to some wallpaper I used three houses ago. It is so beautiful and very romantic. I think I want to use it to make drapes for the two windows in the closet room and paint the walls a dusky light pink.
I think the foyer is going to be Hollywood glamorous before it's through.
I've chewed all my nails off to the quick again. Darn.
The house was in a really bad state today from me not being able to do much of anything this week because of my arms. I got the breakfast room cleaned and the pool house cleaned, and the kitchen cleaned.my bath room neatened,some laundry done, I also got some floors swept. It's always amazing how much these dogs shed. I went to the grocery store and made a simple meal of mnepaked potatoes and a large salad.
I'm reading an amazing book called "All the Light We Cannot See." Exquisily written but I don't think timid going to end well,for,our two protagonists. One is a blind french girl, 16 years old and a German boy about the same agel. He is using trigonometry to capture illegal french broadspcasts. She and her great uncle and her great uncle arm are broadcasting illegal transmissions. They are currently in the same town with him
Xanax is go hitting. Goy yo sleep now.
Cheers.,
Lisa
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Day 295 - ... and Then I Fell!
Dear Reader,
I decided not to set my alarm last night and to just sleep until I woke up since I've been so tired. (Darn! The toes in my left foot are cramping and I can't get them to stop!). I woke up just before the painters got here at 11:36! I put on a robe and went downstairs, let them in, took off my Jack Russell's diaper and out them all upstairs and then went back to bed for a while. I decided to spend the day trying to believe that I am a strong woman. That all of this unpacking, making millions of decisions about the house, trying to find places for things, getting rid of things, the painters moving everything downstairs to a new place each day ... ETC! ... was not going to get to me because I AM A STRONG WOMAN!
So, I got dressed, toasted a Glutino English muffin, made a cup of Earl Gray tea and went straight into my study. First, I made a video of the room and posted it to Facebook. Oh, and ... before I forget , I found two of the four missing couch cushions in a box in the sunroom part of my study! I said that I was basically heading in and not coming back out until it was finished and I had found my social security card!
I got a fairly decent amount of work done, but no success in finding the card. But at this point, I think I've unpacked the boxes where it should be. So I guess I'm just going to have to order a new one, but then still keep looking. I'm pretty sure that, if I order a new one and make the payment I will find my card the next day!
Things were going along pretty well when I accidentally knocked over an iron curtain rod and it landed on my a sheltie. I was try got get to her, but instead, I fell slowly and I stages. First I stepped across the rod that was wedged at an angle against the hallway walls where I could not get to her. I. Stepping of it, the toe of one of my sandals snagged the top of a precariously balanced box full of books and magazines and feel, spilling everything out into the adjoining bathroom. I fell at an angle, slamming my most painful arm against the door jamb. Still trying to negotiate what was going on at my feet, the little ONE-EIGHTH inch this piece of leather on the sole of my sandal caught on the edge of the box under it and ... well I'm not sure what happened then except I was on the floor with the contents of two boxes spilled out. The second box was full of my decorative linens, mostly antique. And, yes, it hurt quite a bit. QUITE a bit!
My husband took me out to dinner, which was sweet. But I have still been moving pretty slow and painfully the rest of the day. Tomorrow I have to get the shelves into my bookcase so I can get the book boxes emptied. I would have done that today, but I saw that the men who handled the whit bookcase had apparently NEVER washed their hands and had dirty handprints all over it. I did at least get three lamps set up in there so I have some light to use after it gets dark outside.
We aren't going to be able to go to the Poconos this weekend after all, because they are full. I'll be gone next weekend, but hopefully well be going the next weekend. It took me a lot of time to find a pet sitter, but I did get one person for sure, and several other possibilities.
I have a long and unpleasant day ahead of me tomorrow. It starts off with an appointment with the trauma psychologist. It is always hard talking about my life to a new person and leaves me unhinged somehow and very uncomfortable. After that I'm going to the Ethan Allen store to make decisions about the paint in the sunroom because I'm not happy with any of the blah suggestions of the decorator.
Then I'm going to a fabric store in another nearby town that makes custom drapes. Trying to come up with something splendid for my husband's study. Something very Ralph Lauren-ish!
Then I have an appointment with the chiropractor and then it's DATE NIGHT! Unless it is a we're-too-exhausted-to-go-anywhere night.
I've been wanting a journal to make into my Remaking Myself journal where I put ideas and plans and resolutions and quotes from books, etc. I have a wonderful journal my daughter made for me last year, but I think I want to keep it to use as a prayer journal.
I'm really trusting my designer with what were doing in the entrance! I can't see it in my head, but I love what she did in the living room enough to stick with it. Fingers crossed!
Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. I'll be so glad when all of this part is behind me. Right now my life is totally taken up with unpacking, finding places to put things and purging other things out, decorating the house, and figuring out how to clean up that pergola and that portion of the yard so it can be used for events. There's not much time or space in my head for much of anything else. At least I can see earl progress in the closet room and now some movement going on in the study. Most of our son's room is my husband's things to unpack.
Okay, I think that's it, then.
I decided not to set my alarm last night and to just sleep until I woke up since I've been so tired. (Darn! The toes in my left foot are cramping and I can't get them to stop!). I woke up just before the painters got here at 11:36! I put on a robe and went downstairs, let them in, took off my Jack Russell's diaper and out them all upstairs and then went back to bed for a while. I decided to spend the day trying to believe that I am a strong woman. That all of this unpacking, making millions of decisions about the house, trying to find places for things, getting rid of things, the painters moving everything downstairs to a new place each day ... ETC! ... was not going to get to me because I AM A STRONG WOMAN!
So, I got dressed, toasted a Glutino English muffin, made a cup of Earl Gray tea and went straight into my study. First, I made a video of the room and posted it to Facebook. Oh, and ... before I forget , I found two of the four missing couch cushions in a box in the sunroom part of my study! I said that I was basically heading in and not coming back out until it was finished and I had found my social security card!
I got a fairly decent amount of work done, but no success in finding the card. But at this point, I think I've unpacked the boxes where it should be. So I guess I'm just going to have to order a new one, but then still keep looking. I'm pretty sure that, if I order a new one and make the payment I will find my card the next day!
Things were going along pretty well when I accidentally knocked over an iron curtain rod and it landed on my a sheltie. I was try got get to her, but instead, I fell slowly and I stages. First I stepped across the rod that was wedged at an angle against the hallway walls where I could not get to her. I. Stepping of it, the toe of one of my sandals snagged the top of a precariously balanced box full of books and magazines and feel, spilling everything out into the adjoining bathroom. I fell at an angle, slamming my most painful arm against the door jamb. Still trying to negotiate what was going on at my feet, the little ONE-EIGHTH inch this piece of leather on the sole of my sandal caught on the edge of the box under it and ... well I'm not sure what happened then except I was on the floor with the contents of two boxes spilled out. The second box was full of my decorative linens, mostly antique. And, yes, it hurt quite a bit. QUITE a bit!
My husband took me out to dinner, which was sweet. But I have still been moving pretty slow and painfully the rest of the day. Tomorrow I have to get the shelves into my bookcase so I can get the book boxes emptied. I would have done that today, but I saw that the men who handled the whit bookcase had apparently NEVER washed their hands and had dirty handprints all over it. I did at least get three lamps set up in there so I have some light to use after it gets dark outside.
We aren't going to be able to go to the Poconos this weekend after all, because they are full. I'll be gone next weekend, but hopefully well be going the next weekend. It took me a lot of time to find a pet sitter, but I did get one person for sure, and several other possibilities.
I have a long and unpleasant day ahead of me tomorrow. It starts off with an appointment with the trauma psychologist. It is always hard talking about my life to a new person and leaves me unhinged somehow and very uncomfortable. After that I'm going to the Ethan Allen store to make decisions about the paint in the sunroom because I'm not happy with any of the blah suggestions of the decorator.
Then I'm going to a fabric store in another nearby town that makes custom drapes. Trying to come up with something splendid for my husband's study. Something very Ralph Lauren-ish!
Then I have an appointment with the chiropractor and then it's DATE NIGHT! Unless it is a we're-too-exhausted-to-go-anywhere night.
I've been wanting a journal to make into my Remaking Myself journal where I put ideas and plans and resolutions and quotes from books, etc. I have a wonderful journal my daughter made for me last year, but I think I want to keep it to use as a prayer journal.
I'm really trusting my designer with what were doing in the entrance! I can't see it in my head, but I love what she did in the living room enough to stick with it. Fingers crossed!
Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. I'll be so glad when all of this part is behind me. Right now my life is totally taken up with unpacking, finding places to put things and purging other things out, decorating the house, and figuring out how to clean up that pergola and that portion of the yard so it can be used for events. There's not much time or space in my head for much of anything else. At least I can see earl progress in the closet room and now some movement going on in the study. Most of our son's room is my husband's things to unpack.
Okay, I think that's it, then.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Day 296 - Maybe I Should Stop Writing Late at Night
Dear Reader,
Maybe I should write in the morning instead of in the evening. I'm usually tired and discouraged late at night, especially if I've got any pain going on. I've been on the cranky side today from hurting for too long. The pain was much better, but I woke up with the outside of my left thigh hurting really bad in addition to the right arm and bicep. Dad gum it! And then, I got an email from my husband's new secretary who seriously is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. But her email was asking to set up a time when she and some other people could come over to the house to look it and the yard over for event possibilities. Now ... this just hit me very much the wrong way, like they were taking this away from me and they were going to be in charge. So, I wrote my husband one, or more!, emails about this. Okay, ranting about this. He wrote me back that it was in response to him asking them to handle things to get me out from under doing all the planning. He said that they have people who can do this, I just have to release it to them. Well, this set off a few more emails talking about the subtleties of hosting an event (sparkling water? With mint or lime? water with fruit essence? Wne? Champagne punch? How to set up the bartender, how to blend the flavors, colors, and textures of all the hors d'oeuvees. How to plan everything from the invitation to the entryway to the flowers and table linens to create a welcoming, delicious experience that draws people in. That this is my area of unique expertise and just because these women are New Yorkers doesn't mean they know how to host an event! This, then, gave way to emails that said, on the other hand ... the Board of Directors is not giving me any support in the way of household help, so why should I give them the benefit of my expertise anyway?! Melt them just plod along with their ladies and see how well that goes! Flaw with this plan, though, is that the Board of Directors have never been to one of my events and so they wouldn't know what was lacking. Darn. This, then, led to a nice little bout of crying and self-pity and out-right indignation! It all started from bending down in the breakfast room and seeing how dirty it is and thinking about hw much it was going to hurt me to sweep it, much less mop it. And somehow this took me straight to all of the clothes that are washed, but need ironing, and I haven't been able to iron because my shoulder has been torn up. Also, if my husband were single, they would have given huma cook and a housekeeper I bet. And ... I bet there is hardly another college or university who provides a president's residence and does not include cleaning services! I knew this was the long and the short of it and I knew this was the situation when I came here. But, apparently I'm not quite done being mad about it. So, I'm not going to say anything that could hurt the secretary, but I sort of want to say, Sure! Come on over! Knock yourself out! Mean, huh?
I know a lot of my crying and I'll-temper was just because of the high pain levels for several days. Well ... not JUST because, but I'm going to blame the pain for as much as I can!
I saw the chiropractor again and started taking the cymbalta again, so hopefully I'll be feeling better by the weekend.
My husband emailed me today asking me if I wanted to spend a weekend in the Poconos! Well, gee ... let me just think about that and get back to you! Then he reminds me about the dogs. So I've already started looking for dog sitters. Were going to need someone lined up anyway, so now is as good a time to find someone as any other.
Then, he said the most ridiculous thing yesterday! I sent an email to that man whose wife is dying and he came by to thank me for it. He is doing some work on campus and on our house, so he was right around here. He thanked me for it and told me how much it meant to him, etc. so I'm telling y husband and he says, "okay, then. That's enough of that!" I was like, HIS WIFE IS DYING! And he said he knew that, but he didn't need to be spending any more time around me. I had to start laughing at that and he said, "hey, when you've got the sexiest woman on the block, you have to keep your shotgun loaded!"
Well, that's it for me. It's almost midnight, so it's time for me to be thinking about taking that Xanax and nodding off.
Cheers!
Lisa
Oh, and the interior designer and I are talking again. Yeah.
Maybe I should write in the morning instead of in the evening. I'm usually tired and discouraged late at night, especially if I've got any pain going on. I've been on the cranky side today from hurting for too long. The pain was much better, but I woke up with the outside of my left thigh hurting really bad in addition to the right arm and bicep. Dad gum it! And then, I got an email from my husband's new secretary who seriously is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. But her email was asking to set up a time when she and some other people could come over to the house to look it and the yard over for event possibilities. Now ... this just hit me very much the wrong way, like they were taking this away from me and they were going to be in charge. So, I wrote my husband one, or more!, emails about this. Okay, ranting about this. He wrote me back that it was in response to him asking them to handle things to get me out from under doing all the planning. He said that they have people who can do this, I just have to release it to them. Well, this set off a few more emails talking about the subtleties of hosting an event (sparkling water? With mint or lime? water with fruit essence? Wne? Champagne punch? How to set up the bartender, how to blend the flavors, colors, and textures of all the hors d'oeuvees. How to plan everything from the invitation to the entryway to the flowers and table linens to create a welcoming, delicious experience that draws people in. That this is my area of unique expertise and just because these women are New Yorkers doesn't mean they know how to host an event! This, then, gave way to emails that said, on the other hand ... the Board of Directors is not giving me any support in the way of household help, so why should I give them the benefit of my expertise anyway?! Melt them just plod along with their ladies and see how well that goes! Flaw with this plan, though, is that the Board of Directors have never been to one of my events and so they wouldn't know what was lacking. Darn. This, then, led to a nice little bout of crying and self-pity and out-right indignation! It all started from bending down in the breakfast room and seeing how dirty it is and thinking about hw much it was going to hurt me to sweep it, much less mop it. And somehow this took me straight to all of the clothes that are washed, but need ironing, and I haven't been able to iron because my shoulder has been torn up. Also, if my husband were single, they would have given huma cook and a housekeeper I bet. And ... I bet there is hardly another college or university who provides a president's residence and does not include cleaning services! I knew this was the long and the short of it and I knew this was the situation when I came here. But, apparently I'm not quite done being mad about it. So, I'm not going to say anything that could hurt the secretary, but I sort of want to say, Sure! Come on over! Knock yourself out! Mean, huh?
I know a lot of my crying and I'll-temper was just because of the high pain levels for several days. Well ... not JUST because, but I'm going to blame the pain for as much as I can!
I saw the chiropractor again and started taking the cymbalta again, so hopefully I'll be feeling better by the weekend.
My husband emailed me today asking me if I wanted to spend a weekend in the Poconos! Well, gee ... let me just think about that and get back to you! Then he reminds me about the dogs. So I've already started looking for dog sitters. Were going to need someone lined up anyway, so now is as good a time to find someone as any other.
Then, he said the most ridiculous thing yesterday! I sent an email to that man whose wife is dying and he came by to thank me for it. He is doing some work on campus and on our house, so he was right around here. He thanked me for it and told me how much it meant to him, etc. so I'm telling y husband and he says, "okay, then. That's enough of that!" I was like, HIS WIFE IS DYING! And he said he knew that, but he didn't need to be spending any more time around me. I had to start laughing at that and he said, "hey, when you've got the sexiest woman on the block, you have to keep your shotgun loaded!"
Well, that's it for me. It's almost midnight, so it's time for me to be thinking about taking that Xanax and nodding off.
Cheers!
Lisa
Oh, and the interior designer and I are talking again. Yeah.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Day Whatever - Observations In the Beginning of a Yucky Day
Dear Reader,
Well, I guess it should be obvious that I haven't started out the day in what you might call a chipper mood. But, this day didn't really have a chance, did it? I stayed up way too late for that to happen. I'm still on the tense side. My left arm is virtually back to normal now. I didn't have any more pain in it the rest of the night and so far, so good today. My right arm, however, is not so good. It's got a low, constant pain going that makes me me unwilling to use it for fear of sending it off the charts again. I called the Prolotherapy doctor in Nashville and left him a message reminding him of the Ehlers-Danlos because he needs to use a salt solution instead of a sugar solution for the injections. Mast time he didn't have any, so he had to kind of jimmy-rig a solution to get it closer to what I needed. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I mean, the injections are unbelievably painful, and I've been out of yoga for long enough that I'm not sure how good I'll be able to get my Zen on! And if he has the right solution, it's supposed to hurt a lot worse and a lot longer. What he used last time wasn't bad at all. But if he has the real stuff, what will that he like?
The chiropractor I saw yesterday has a female massage therapist on staff and it sounded like he was going to prescribe that for me after he did some more research about my condition. Apparently, from a quick glance I took last night, it is therapeutic and recommended. Apparently, virtually constant physical therapy is strongly recommended. And, I definitely need to get back into yoga because that's good for it, too.
So, I had a hard time waking up because of staying awake last night too long. And I woke u in a bad mood because I was afraid of waking up to another awful day. My husband came home from lunch and we snuggled while he napped. I can't get going on all of the health initiatives until I have this house unpacked, though. So I'm going to keep pointing most of my energy that direction.
So, what are the health initiatives? Hmmm ... good question, Reader! Let's see:
1. Jazzercise two days a week
2. Yoga three days a week. I'll have to find an affordable yoga studio. We checked out the nearest YMCA and it is just unbelievably SAD! There is another one in a nearby, larger city that may be better. But there are lots and lots of studios around me, I'm just worried about how much they will cost. So, more to look into.
3. Massage therapy, one day a week?
4. Strength training twice a week. No idea where or how, unless a Y membership in the other city works out. Then I could do strength training on the days I'm there for yoga.
5. I'd really like to be taking at least a stroll on the nearby trail most every day. Shoot, even just around the block would be good. Walking is supposed to very effective at lowering your cortisol.
6. Doing WHATEVER the new functional medicine doctor tells me to do! One thing cool about her practice is that she offers a lot more resources than my previous doctor did.
7. She has a nutritionist on staff, for one thing. I looked up her qualifications and she is HIGHLY trained. Apparently you meet with her monthly at no extra charge which is great because the one I looked into seeing charged $400 an hour! And it looks like she has three different programs you can be in depending on how much change you're ready to make and how hard you're ready to pursue it. She has one program for people just getting their feet wet, one for people who are ready to give it a harder go, and one for people who are all in. At least that's what it looks like from going over it briefly. Since she is in a functional medicine doctor's office, I think she will be better equipped to help me lose weight with all the complexities I've got going. Plus, just figure out what I CAN eat and give me some new ideas. The doctor also has a massage therapist on staff and apparently you can get a monthly (or weekly?) massage. But that's not going to work for me because he's a man and I'm not going to get a massage from a man, even if my husband would let me! That's one reason why I was glad that this chiropractor has a female massage therapist on staff. Oh, something you should know is that therapeutic massages hurt like hell. They aren't the kind of massage that you pay for because it feels so good!
8. Is that what number I'm on? I can't scroll up on my IPad for some reason to check. Continuing to pursue a more peaceful lifestyle in general.
One thing good that happened so far today is that I was able to wear a dress that I haven't been able to wear before. The bad thing, though, is that I have begun swelling already and so I'm going to have to go change.
Sometimes I can judge how good or bad the day is going to be by noting how early in the day I go for the F word. Well, I rang that bell pretty much first thing today!
If you think that pain is making me cranky, you should hear what I'm like if I'm nauseated badly!!
So, I'm going to go take off my increasingly tight dress, put on some makeup and press on for the day. My plan is to mostly work upstairs in my study/office which is a ferocious mess!
Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. I'm trying to change to a different template for this, but I'm not sure if I've done it right. I'll find out after I hit the publish button. Trying to jazz things up a bit! I see all these fancy blogs by women in their thirties and I wonder how IN THE WORLD they have time to put so much into their blog!
Well, I guess it should be obvious that I haven't started out the day in what you might call a chipper mood. But, this day didn't really have a chance, did it? I stayed up way too late for that to happen. I'm still on the tense side. My left arm is virtually back to normal now. I didn't have any more pain in it the rest of the night and so far, so good today. My right arm, however, is not so good. It's got a low, constant pain going that makes me me unwilling to use it for fear of sending it off the charts again. I called the Prolotherapy doctor in Nashville and left him a message reminding him of the Ehlers-Danlos because he needs to use a salt solution instead of a sugar solution for the injections. Mast time he didn't have any, so he had to kind of jimmy-rig a solution to get it closer to what I needed. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I mean, the injections are unbelievably painful, and I've been out of yoga for long enough that I'm not sure how good I'll be able to get my Zen on! And if he has the right solution, it's supposed to hurt a lot worse and a lot longer. What he used last time wasn't bad at all. But if he has the real stuff, what will that he like?
The chiropractor I saw yesterday has a female massage therapist on staff and it sounded like he was going to prescribe that for me after he did some more research about my condition. Apparently, from a quick glance I took last night, it is therapeutic and recommended. Apparently, virtually constant physical therapy is strongly recommended. And, I definitely need to get back into yoga because that's good for it, too.
So, I had a hard time waking up because of staying awake last night too long. And I woke u in a bad mood because I was afraid of waking up to another awful day. My husband came home from lunch and we snuggled while he napped. I can't get going on all of the health initiatives until I have this house unpacked, though. So I'm going to keep pointing most of my energy that direction.
So, what are the health initiatives? Hmmm ... good question, Reader! Let's see:
1. Jazzercise two days a week
2. Yoga three days a week. I'll have to find an affordable yoga studio. We checked out the nearest YMCA and it is just unbelievably SAD! There is another one in a nearby, larger city that may be better. But there are lots and lots of studios around me, I'm just worried about how much they will cost. So, more to look into.
3. Massage therapy, one day a week?
4. Strength training twice a week. No idea where or how, unless a Y membership in the other city works out. Then I could do strength training on the days I'm there for yoga.
5. I'd really like to be taking at least a stroll on the nearby trail most every day. Shoot, even just around the block would be good. Walking is supposed to very effective at lowering your cortisol.
6. Doing WHATEVER the new functional medicine doctor tells me to do! One thing cool about her practice is that she offers a lot more resources than my previous doctor did.
7. She has a nutritionist on staff, for one thing. I looked up her qualifications and she is HIGHLY trained. Apparently you meet with her monthly at no extra charge which is great because the one I looked into seeing charged $400 an hour! And it looks like she has three different programs you can be in depending on how much change you're ready to make and how hard you're ready to pursue it. She has one program for people just getting their feet wet, one for people who are ready to give it a harder go, and one for people who are all in. At least that's what it looks like from going over it briefly. Since she is in a functional medicine doctor's office, I think she will be better equipped to help me lose weight with all the complexities I've got going. Plus, just figure out what I CAN eat and give me some new ideas. The doctor also has a massage therapist on staff and apparently you can get a monthly (or weekly?) massage. But that's not going to work for me because he's a man and I'm not going to get a massage from a man, even if my husband would let me! That's one reason why I was glad that this chiropractor has a female massage therapist on staff. Oh, something you should know is that therapeutic massages hurt like hell. They aren't the kind of massage that you pay for because it feels so good!
8. Is that what number I'm on? I can't scroll up on my IPad for some reason to check. Continuing to pursue a more peaceful lifestyle in general.
One thing good that happened so far today is that I was able to wear a dress that I haven't been able to wear before. The bad thing, though, is that I have begun swelling already and so I'm going to have to go change.
Sometimes I can judge how good or bad the day is going to be by noting how early in the day I go for the F word. Well, I rang that bell pretty much first thing today!
If you think that pain is making me cranky, you should hear what I'm like if I'm nauseated badly!!
So, I'm going to go take off my increasingly tight dress, put on some makeup and press on for the day. My plan is to mostly work upstairs in my study/office which is a ferocious mess!
Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. I'm trying to change to a different template for this, but I'm not sure if I've done it right. I'll find out after I hit the publish button. Trying to jazz things up a bit! I see all these fancy blogs by women in their thirties and I wonder how IN THE WORLD they have time to put so much into their blog!
Monday, August 11, 2014
Day 298 - Why Won't I Release the Day?
Dear Reader,
It's 1:45 am, but I am not sleepy. I've had a hydrocortisone, one if the antihistamines the immunologist has me on for the reactions. I've even taken a whole Xanax, though I had reduced it to a half for a couple of weeks. I am reading a good book, "All the Light We Can Not See", an amazing novel set in France during WW2. But I'm unwilling and uneasy about going to sleep. Been though I know I'll suffer for this tomorrow. I think it's because of the pain I had today. Will it come back tomorrow? If I stay awake and alert and watch for it, can is keep it away? I don't know. I'm going to go ahead now and relinquish my fixed hold on consciousness to go to sleep and let tomorrow bring what it may. But I feel so wary and, whatever is causing it, I have my guard up. It is taking an act of will to lay aside everything and try to give in to sleep. Fear is at the heart of it. Always fear.
Lisa
It's 1:45 am, but I am not sleepy. I've had a hydrocortisone, one if the antihistamines the immunologist has me on for the reactions. I've even taken a whole Xanax, though I had reduced it to a half for a couple of weeks. I am reading a good book, "All the Light We Can Not See", an amazing novel set in France during WW2. But I'm unwilling and uneasy about going to sleep. Been though I know I'll suffer for this tomorrow. I think it's because of the pain I had today. Will it come back tomorrow? If I stay awake and alert and watch for it, can is keep it away? I don't know. I'm going to go ahead now and relinquish my fixed hold on consciousness to go to sleep and let tomorrow bring what it may. But I feel so wary and, whatever is causing it, I have my guard up. It is taking an act of will to lay aside everything and try to give in to sleep. Fear is at the heart of it. Always fear.
Lisa
Day 298 - I Don't Know What to Do
Dear Reader,
I was in much less pain last night and was able to go to sleep pretty easily. But then, it just hit me in the afternoon. It was so bad on the outside of my arms and the biceps that I could scarcely move my arms. I went to the grocery store to pick up the things I'd need for an easy Tuscan Bean soup, but just with that little bit of moving the pain was very nearly at the "excruciating" level. I try to maintain a pretty tough demeanor to all the things that go on, but my nerves broke today. I started crying in the car on the way back to the house and had a hard time getting back in control. I still don't exactly have a stiff upper lip yet, but I'm better off than I was at least.
My chiropractor was on vacation, so I got in to see a different one in one of the other villages. I think this guy is probably better and I'm going to stick with him. Besides, if nothing else, his office is right by a really cool antique store! He took a really careful history and asked me all sorts of good questions about what has gone on in the past and what is going on now. I have never had this kind of pain before. Then he excused himself for a bit, I think to research things some. He came back and said he wants to do more x-rays on me because I haven't had any for a long time and because this pain is new. But for today, he suggested doing e-stem on my arms first, and then on my neck and lower back, and then doing an easy adjustment. The higher you set your e-stem, the more effective it is. So, in my arms I had it up so high that my muscles were literally jumping. He was able to get my back to adjust pretty easily, but he said my neck was very stiff. He was able to get some movement in it, though. I will go back on Wednesday.
We ordered Indian food delivery and watched two episodes of House, M.D. To keep my mind off the pain, I've pretty much kept my arms clamped to my torso to keep from moving them any. I'm moving like a little T-Rex! My left arm is waaaay better than it was, but the right one is still pretty painful. The chiropractor said that, obviously, I am very complicated and have a lot of different conditions that overlap each other so it's hard to know at this point what exactly is causing the pain. After I got home I looked up the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and find that it can cause severe pain, just in and of itself. I was not happy to read that! Did you know that their is a branch of psychology that is all about pain? It apparently is to train your mind to deal with pain better. But it could be nothing more than a nerve being impinged by a vertebra out of place. My neck and upper back are still somewhat painful, but bearable.
I don't really have anything else to talk about because this has pretty well taken up most of this day. But, here. How about this. I got to wondering if Hitler grew up going to church. He did grow up Catholic, but I don't know anything yet about how much he went or if his parents were devout or what. But I did find a bunch of quotes of him where he talks like a Believer! It's freaky horrifying!! It all made me feel even more strongly that Christians should stand apart from the government and to not get caught up in nationalism!
Cheers!
Lisa
I was in much less pain last night and was able to go to sleep pretty easily. But then, it just hit me in the afternoon. It was so bad on the outside of my arms and the biceps that I could scarcely move my arms. I went to the grocery store to pick up the things I'd need for an easy Tuscan Bean soup, but just with that little bit of moving the pain was very nearly at the "excruciating" level. I try to maintain a pretty tough demeanor to all the things that go on, but my nerves broke today. I started crying in the car on the way back to the house and had a hard time getting back in control. I still don't exactly have a stiff upper lip yet, but I'm better off than I was at least.
My chiropractor was on vacation, so I got in to see a different one in one of the other villages. I think this guy is probably better and I'm going to stick with him. Besides, if nothing else, his office is right by a really cool antique store! He took a really careful history and asked me all sorts of good questions about what has gone on in the past and what is going on now. I have never had this kind of pain before. Then he excused himself for a bit, I think to research things some. He came back and said he wants to do more x-rays on me because I haven't had any for a long time and because this pain is new. But for today, he suggested doing e-stem on my arms first, and then on my neck and lower back, and then doing an easy adjustment. The higher you set your e-stem, the more effective it is. So, in my arms I had it up so high that my muscles were literally jumping. He was able to get my back to adjust pretty easily, but he said my neck was very stiff. He was able to get some movement in it, though. I will go back on Wednesday.
We ordered Indian food delivery and watched two episodes of House, M.D. To keep my mind off the pain, I've pretty much kept my arms clamped to my torso to keep from moving them any. I'm moving like a little T-Rex! My left arm is waaaay better than it was, but the right one is still pretty painful. The chiropractor said that, obviously, I am very complicated and have a lot of different conditions that overlap each other so it's hard to know at this point what exactly is causing the pain. After I got home I looked up the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and find that it can cause severe pain, just in and of itself. I was not happy to read that! Did you know that their is a branch of psychology that is all about pain? It apparently is to train your mind to deal with pain better. But it could be nothing more than a nerve being impinged by a vertebra out of place. My neck and upper back are still somewhat painful, but bearable.
I don't really have anything else to talk about because this has pretty well taken up most of this day. But, here. How about this. I got to wondering if Hitler grew up going to church. He did grow up Catholic, but I don't know anything yet about how much he went or if his parents were devout or what. But I did find a bunch of quotes of him where he talks like a Believer! It's freaky horrifying!! It all made me feel even more strongly that Christians should stand apart from the government and to not get caught up in nationalism!
Cheers!
Lisa
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Day 300 - So Much Pain!
Dear Reader,
I am in so much pain again! Last night I couldn't go to sleep till around 4:00 a.m.! The pain gas been very bad today and is intensifying this evening. It's bother shoulders, arms and biceps. And the outsides of each thigh. Plus, I just happened to itch a tendon on my neck behind the ear and it was extremely painful. I will definitely be getting to a doctor or chiropractor Monday!
I'm having a problem. I realized that I can't go with my super shabby chic design plans in the family areas because they just won't work at all with the rest of the house. I've been online some looking for pictures and ideas and fabrics, but have not come up with anything yet. The Ethan Allen decorator showed me an upholstery fabric for the sunroom, that I didn't like for in there at the time. But now I think it might be a good fabric for the loveseat I'm planning on recovering. But they don't let you know the manufacturer and so you're out of luck unless you happen to be able to find it.
I really like this fabric and think it could be the starting point for a lot of good ideas.
But it's $50 something a yard so I'd have to use it only it accents, like pillows. But it is pretty, isn't it? I've already forgotten what website I found it on. I should probably go find it and mark it right away! I definitely want to pull in a black and white buffalo check on something. Or beige and white, or pink and white. But some how, somewhere use a buffalo check. I love them!
This is a picture of a room I like. Colors are soft and subtle, and I love the art!
But at the same time, it's kind of mushy. Doesn't feel like there is a definite color scheme. And, the brass chandelier fixture really needs to be replaced!
But, before it go any further, I want to be sure that you are appropriately impressed that I was FINALLY able to paste actual picture on here, and not just the website info!
Our son has a job!!Starting Monday! We are so happy for him. He'll be a customer relations person for a pharmaceutical company. It's temporary right now, but may become permanent. Of course, we've heard that before!
I was SO frazzled last night. So I decided I needed a peaceful day. I sat outside for a time of prayer and relaxation. Then we went out to a bustling Greek restaurant and then saw Into the Storm, which I found terrifying having just moved out of tornado alley!
Well, I'm going to try to go to sleep now sitting up in a recliner to see if that will keep the pain in my arms down. Just saw that I don't need to worry about not being able to find the site for that fabric. It's already showing up as the ad on safari sites!
P.S. I see that I boasted too early about posting photos. I'll try again here.
I am in so much pain again! Last night I couldn't go to sleep till around 4:00 a.m.! The pain gas been very bad today and is intensifying this evening. It's bother shoulders, arms and biceps. And the outsides of each thigh. Plus, I just happened to itch a tendon on my neck behind the ear and it was extremely painful. I will definitely be getting to a doctor or chiropractor Monday!
I'm having a problem. I realized that I can't go with my super shabby chic design plans in the family areas because they just won't work at all with the rest of the house. I've been online some looking for pictures and ideas and fabrics, but have not come up with anything yet. The Ethan Allen decorator showed me an upholstery fabric for the sunroom, that I didn't like for in there at the time. But now I think it might be a good fabric for the loveseat I'm planning on recovering. But they don't let you know the manufacturer and so you're out of luck unless you happen to be able to find it.
I really like this fabric and think it could be the starting point for a lot of good ideas.
This is a picture of a room I like. Colors are soft and subtle, and I love the art!
But at the same time, it's kind of mushy. Doesn't feel like there is a definite color scheme. And, the brass chandelier fixture really needs to be replaced!
But, before it go any further, I want to be sure that you are appropriately impressed that I was FINALLY able to paste actual picture on here, and not just the website info!
Our son has a job!!Starting Monday! We are so happy for him. He'll be a customer relations person for a pharmaceutical company. It's temporary right now, but may become permanent. Of course, we've heard that before!
I was SO frazzled last night. So I decided I needed a peaceful day. I sat outside for a time of prayer and relaxation. Then we went out to a bustling Greek restaurant and then saw Into the Storm, which I found terrifying having just moved out of tornado alley!
Well, I'm going to try to go to sleep now sitting up in a recliner to see if that will keep the pain in my arms down. Just saw that I don't need to worry about not being able to find the site for that fabric. It's already showing up as the ad on safari sites!
P.S. I see that I boasted too early about posting photos. I'll try again here.
Day 301 - In Too Much Pain to Sleep
Dear Reader,
I'm in so much pain. Pretty much all of the fascia thought my body is hurting me really bad, but the worst is what's going on in both upper arms. They just hurt and burn and both biceps are exceptionally painful. At this point I've had two Xanax and two Tylenol, I've tried using headphones and listening to the piano music that usually puts me to sleep, reading, etc. nothing has helped. I usually zap this kind of pain with a huge dose of prednisone, but my prolotherapist said not to do that anymore because it basically turns off my immune system for a month. So I'm trying to just grin and bear it ... but that's not helping a whole lot.
I've had a very anxious day today. I was already upset at having to go over all my medical history yesterday. But then the morning began with me getting very upset/ angry at something my mother commented on one of my Facebook posts. It really, REALLY, got to me and I got all kinds of worked u about it. My husband was in the run today and didn't have time to talk. UHC except to tell me to not let her get to me. After a while of still letting her get to me (!) I called my son. I tell you, he can be really great. He gave me some really good advice. After talking to her I gave her a call. She brought it up in a laughing way, saying she tight my post was so funny and asked if I had seen what she posted. I said yes and after a bit, I told her that I thought she had been serious. She said, oh no ... she just couldn't remember where the emoticon button was. I reminded her of the simple way to do an emoticon and that you always have to do that, otherwise your words will just be taken at face value. I didn't tell her that I removed her comment! So ... all that emotional energy got used up for want of an emoticon!
I'm in awful pain just doing this much typing, so ths will have to do for now. Made the horrifying discovery that the Japanese captured 9 of our air men who crashed in their B-29 bomber in Japanese territory. One survivor had the good sense to shoot himself dead. The captain was captured and sent off for questioning/torturing. He ultimately survived the war. The other 8 were taken to a medical university where they were vivisected. One mans liver was possibly grilled and eaten, but this could not be substantiated so these charges were dropped. At least three of the vivisectionist a were in staff at the university. The school is still open today with a nice modern website and everything. They did a report saying that they were completely innocent. The lab space was requisitioned and no university personnel were involved ... which is just a lie. The people who were charged, tried, and convicted were the same people who got, literally, their get-out-of-jail-free card in 1958 when MacArthur granted everyone amnesty. And we quit teaching it and the Japanese quit teaching about all the terrible things they did during WW2. Most of the younger ones truly don't know what their parents and grandparents did. I'm used to knowing about the nazi atrocities, but the Japanese were actually far, far worse and more barbaric.
I'm super frustrated right now with my life. I know a lot is because I've been in so much pain and it's costing me a lot of sleep. But, the last two days unnerved me emotionally and it's going to take a while to get centered again. And ... I'm still 40 pounds overweight and completely unfit and getting weaker by the day, I would imagine. Trig tonremind myself that I saw the regular doctor this week, the functional medicine doctor this week, and spoke with the trauma psychologist today and have an appointment set up for next week. So things are starting to get into place. I even have my housekeeper coming u to help me with the basement AND our POOL should be heated Tuesday! Things are coming along. I just have to be patient! Yeah, right!
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep now, to almost 4:00.
Have a great saturdayM. I'm pretty sure mine is going to suck!
Lisa
I'm in so much pain. Pretty much all of the fascia thought my body is hurting me really bad, but the worst is what's going on in both upper arms. They just hurt and burn and both biceps are exceptionally painful. At this point I've had two Xanax and two Tylenol, I've tried using headphones and listening to the piano music that usually puts me to sleep, reading, etc. nothing has helped. I usually zap this kind of pain with a huge dose of prednisone, but my prolotherapist said not to do that anymore because it basically turns off my immune system for a month. So I'm trying to just grin and bear it ... but that's not helping a whole lot.
I've had a very anxious day today. I was already upset at having to go over all my medical history yesterday. But then the morning began with me getting very upset/ angry at something my mother commented on one of my Facebook posts. It really, REALLY, got to me and I got all kinds of worked u about it. My husband was in the run today and didn't have time to talk. UHC except to tell me to not let her get to me. After a while of still letting her get to me (!) I called my son. I tell you, he can be really great. He gave me some really good advice. After talking to her I gave her a call. She brought it up in a laughing way, saying she tight my post was so funny and asked if I had seen what she posted. I said yes and after a bit, I told her that I thought she had been serious. She said, oh no ... she just couldn't remember where the emoticon button was. I reminded her of the simple way to do an emoticon and that you always have to do that, otherwise your words will just be taken at face value. I didn't tell her that I removed her comment! So ... all that emotional energy got used up for want of an emoticon!
I'm in awful pain just doing this much typing, so ths will have to do for now. Made the horrifying discovery that the Japanese captured 9 of our air men who crashed in their B-29 bomber in Japanese territory. One survivor had the good sense to shoot himself dead. The captain was captured and sent off for questioning/torturing. He ultimately survived the war. The other 8 were taken to a medical university where they were vivisected. One mans liver was possibly grilled and eaten, but this could not be substantiated so these charges were dropped. At least three of the vivisectionist a were in staff at the university. The school is still open today with a nice modern website and everything. They did a report saying that they were completely innocent. The lab space was requisitioned and no university personnel were involved ... which is just a lie. The people who were charged, tried, and convicted were the same people who got, literally, their get-out-of-jail-free card in 1958 when MacArthur granted everyone amnesty. And we quit teaching it and the Japanese quit teaching about all the terrible things they did during WW2. Most of the younger ones truly don't know what their parents and grandparents did. I'm used to knowing about the nazi atrocities, but the Japanese were actually far, far worse and more barbaric.
I'm super frustrated right now with my life. I know a lot is because I've been in so much pain and it's costing me a lot of sleep. But, the last two days unnerved me emotionally and it's going to take a while to get centered again. And ... I'm still 40 pounds overweight and completely unfit and getting weaker by the day, I would imagine. Trig tonremind myself that I saw the regular doctor this week, the functional medicine doctor this week, and spoke with the trauma psychologist today and have an appointment set up for next week. So things are starting to get into place. I even have my housekeeper coming u to help me with the basement AND our POOL should be heated Tuesday! Things are coming along. I just have to be patient! Yeah, right!
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep now, to almost 4:00.
Have a great saturdayM. I'm pretty sure mine is going to suck!
Lisa
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Day 302 - How the Other 0.025% Live
Dear Reader,
This will be super short because, frankly, I had too much wine this evening! Now, mind you, almost ANY wine is too much wine for me, and I think I had two glasses this evening.
Here's the skinny version of the day:
1. Could barely drag myself out of sleep again today. What is up with that? And where's that cortisol surge rye supposed to get in the morning? Oh, yea. I would know if I had done that cortisol test yet,which I haven't.
2. Got a really good mani/pedi for $30
3. Had the appointment with the functional medicine doctor. She seems to have a much more intensive practice than my former doctor has.
4. Was first shown in to a white woman, instead of the Korean doctor I was expecting. I'm not sure what was going on, but I casually questioned her until I found out that she was not an M.D. But had, instead, studied naturopathy. Now, I'm all for naturopathy, but I had picked the Korean doctor because of the med school she attended and because she is an associate professor at a New York med school ... or some kind of teaching position there. I told her I was not comfortable with seeing her and wanted to see the doctor I had come to see. This was a big step for someone who has been steeped in the Southern culture for women for 25 years. I did like the Korean doctor very much and am looking forward to seeing her.
5. Going over all my medical history and surgeries and hospitalizations, etc. is always pretty depressing. I can handle the day to day pretty well. But looking at the whole picture takes a chunk out of me each time.
6. I missed the call back from the trauma psychologist. But at least she called back.
7. We had dinner in a nearby town with an incredibly rich couple. I mean ... really, really rich. As in, I have never seen a house like this, much less been in one! There was a gate you had to go through to get into the neighborhood with a guard and a guard house, and before we could go in, the guard called their home to speak to them to be certain it was ok! When we pulled up I said, "wait a minute!" and grabbed the camera just to snap a picture of the house to show our daughter!
8. I am down to four picture boxes in the dining room now.
9. I did manage to make a little progress in the closet room which has been such an unbelievable disaster.
And that's it for me! Good night!
Lisa
This will be super short because, frankly, I had too much wine this evening! Now, mind you, almost ANY wine is too much wine for me, and I think I had two glasses this evening.
Here's the skinny version of the day:
1. Could barely drag myself out of sleep again today. What is up with that? And where's that cortisol surge rye supposed to get in the morning? Oh, yea. I would know if I had done that cortisol test yet,which I haven't.
2. Got a really good mani/pedi for $30
3. Had the appointment with the functional medicine doctor. She seems to have a much more intensive practice than my former doctor has.
4. Was first shown in to a white woman, instead of the Korean doctor I was expecting. I'm not sure what was going on, but I casually questioned her until I found out that she was not an M.D. But had, instead, studied naturopathy. Now, I'm all for naturopathy, but I had picked the Korean doctor because of the med school she attended and because she is an associate professor at a New York med school ... or some kind of teaching position there. I told her I was not comfortable with seeing her and wanted to see the doctor I had come to see. This was a big step for someone who has been steeped in the Southern culture for women for 25 years. I did like the Korean doctor very much and am looking forward to seeing her.
5. Going over all my medical history and surgeries and hospitalizations, etc. is always pretty depressing. I can handle the day to day pretty well. But looking at the whole picture takes a chunk out of me each time.
6. I missed the call back from the trauma psychologist. But at least she called back.
7. We had dinner in a nearby town with an incredibly rich couple. I mean ... really, really rich. As in, I have never seen a house like this, much less been in one! There was a gate you had to go through to get into the neighborhood with a guard and a guard house, and before we could go in, the guard called their home to speak to them to be certain it was ok! When we pulled up I said, "wait a minute!" and grabbed the camera just to snap a picture of the house to show our daughter!
8. I am down to four picture boxes in the dining room now.
9. I did manage to make a little progress in the closet room which has been such an unbelievable disaster.
And that's it for me! Good night!
Lisa
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Day 303 - Another Day, Another Dollar ...
Dear Reader,
... another dollar spent! My husband says he's going to ban me from shopping online at night in bed! Silly man. As if he could! :-). Really, though ... I hate going shopping and I so prefer just ordering online, usually through amazon since I have a prime membership, so I don't pay shipping. And every day is like Christmas! I never remember what I ordered so I never remember what's in the box. It can be something as mundane as the clips to hold my ironing board on tight, or a Clorox cleaning product I can't find in the village, or a scrub brush. It's still always fun to open the packages!and you can almost always find things on sale. For instance, after my trip into Manhattan to see my friend, I realized I needed a different pair of black heels since the ones I wore tore my feet up. I looked at the Clark's website and found a beautiful shoe for $120, but my size was sold out. Well, I found the exact shoe on amazon for $62!
My husband let me buy a plane ticket for my former housekeeper to come up for a few days in September to help me with the basement. I would take her to see a Broadway play, but she is deaf, so I don't know whether to do that or not. It would be a lot of money to spend if she couldn't enjoy it. I spent five minutes in the closet-to-be room today. It's probably the most disorganized room of them all. I got a little dab done in there, and that's going to be the plan each day now. Five minutes, get a little dab done.
I called the psychologist today. Had to leave a message and I'm sure I sounded like a complete idiot. "Hi! I've got a lot of trauma and PTSD big time and you seem to have written the book on that. Ha! Ha! But really, your resume is very impressive! Anyway ..." And it wasn't one of those recordings that gave you the option of deleting and re-recording. Ouch.
My husband had an appointment with a doctor in a nearby town. He said that he is excellent and teaches at one of the medical schools, etc. I'm really glad that he found a good one.
I go to see the functional medicine doctor tomorrow. I am really hoping that this will be good. I want to push forward on a lot of my health issues, as you already know.
I got some work done in the dining room today. Put up some linens that had been stacked there and emptied the box with all of our games in it. I have them in the coat closet so they'll be handy. Now we just need some friends! Local friends, that is.
I'm having some problems with the interior designer. I may have mentioned that I found out that she had submitted the furniture order, which she wasn't supposed to do until after we got the figure for the stairway carpet that has to be replaced. Only got that figure today and it's just shy of $10,000. It's a beautiful staircase that floods out as you approach the entry floor. But it pops our budget by a good $3000. So I had to write her a letter about all of this and I found that an email I had written her wanting to change the order for the sunroom had actually gone out on the day that the purchase order was sent. She said I would have had to change my order within three days ... well, I did! And she wasn't supposed to have placed the order anyway. So I copied the woman here whose in charge of all this and my husband my email to her telling her that the order should not have been placed and we were going to have to adjust it some now based on the rug price ... which had been the plan all along. The nice thing is that I didn't have to agonize over the wording of the letter since I'm not in the South. I was able to just write a straight-forward letter saying ... nope! Can't do that. Figure it out.
I had an interesting/very sad visit with the man who is going to be installing our blinds. He, too, is just developing an interest in history and has been doing some reading of his own on WW 1 and 2 and also our revolutionary war. He told me a horrible, little known fact about what the English did to American POWs. They crowded them into buildings in Manhattan like sardines and left them to just die. They did the same thing with boats. Just had the boats moored off the coast of New York and, when the smell of the dead and dying prisoners got to be too bad, they sank the ship.
Wow! Just unbelievable.
The sad part,though, was he said something about his wife and the woman from our college asked about her. So I asked if his wife was ill, and she has stage 4 colon cancer. She is only 49. They have been married for 29 years and have known each other since they were children. They have three daughters, two of whom are still at home and one who lives just down the street. We talked for a good while about her and the family and how they were trying to handle it. I hugged him and told him I would be praying for God to sustain him through this. He is obviously very torn up about it. I saw that he has written me the sweetest email thanking me for being so kind to him. The poor man. What on earth is he going to do? How do you lose your spouse and go on?
Speaking of spouses, I had another awful dream this morning in which my husband was being terribly cold to me and then I found out that he was having an affair and had no intention of stopping. And it was with some floozy! This one didn't wipe me out like the one yesterday did at least, though it lingered a long time and was very hard to pull out of. I wonder if I didn't have this extra 40 pounds in the middle of my body ... would I still have these dreams? I keep reminding myself that this is my place of healing. This is the place where I am going to get healthier. Right now my focus is on unpacking and getting settled and getting the house decorated. But after that ...it's going to be about me and about exercising and losing weight and getting more healthy. I hope! Everyone needs to NOT HAVE ANY CRISES DOE A WHILE! It used to be like clockwork. I'd lose ten pounds, and someone in my family would have a massive crisis! Or I was in that big car wreck. Or something else would storm into my life and throw me off course. So ... no more! Please! For the love!
Cheers,
Lisa
... another dollar spent! My husband says he's going to ban me from shopping online at night in bed! Silly man. As if he could! :-). Really, though ... I hate going shopping and I so prefer just ordering online, usually through amazon since I have a prime membership, so I don't pay shipping. And every day is like Christmas! I never remember what I ordered so I never remember what's in the box. It can be something as mundane as the clips to hold my ironing board on tight, or a Clorox cleaning product I can't find in the village, or a scrub brush. It's still always fun to open the packages!and you can almost always find things on sale. For instance, after my trip into Manhattan to see my friend, I realized I needed a different pair of black heels since the ones I wore tore my feet up. I looked at the Clark's website and found a beautiful shoe for $120, but my size was sold out. Well, I found the exact shoe on amazon for $62!
My husband let me buy a plane ticket for my former housekeeper to come up for a few days in September to help me with the basement. I would take her to see a Broadway play, but she is deaf, so I don't know whether to do that or not. It would be a lot of money to spend if she couldn't enjoy it. I spent five minutes in the closet-to-be room today. It's probably the most disorganized room of them all. I got a little dab done in there, and that's going to be the plan each day now. Five minutes, get a little dab done.
I called the psychologist today. Had to leave a message and I'm sure I sounded like a complete idiot. "Hi! I've got a lot of trauma and PTSD big time and you seem to have written the book on that. Ha! Ha! But really, your resume is very impressive! Anyway ..." And it wasn't one of those recordings that gave you the option of deleting and re-recording. Ouch.
My husband had an appointment with a doctor in a nearby town. He said that he is excellent and teaches at one of the medical schools, etc. I'm really glad that he found a good one.
I go to see the functional medicine doctor tomorrow. I am really hoping that this will be good. I want to push forward on a lot of my health issues, as you already know.
I got some work done in the dining room today. Put up some linens that had been stacked there and emptied the box with all of our games in it. I have them in the coat closet so they'll be handy. Now we just need some friends! Local friends, that is.
I'm having some problems with the interior designer. I may have mentioned that I found out that she had submitted the furniture order, which she wasn't supposed to do until after we got the figure for the stairway carpet that has to be replaced. Only got that figure today and it's just shy of $10,000. It's a beautiful staircase that floods out as you approach the entry floor. But it pops our budget by a good $3000. So I had to write her a letter about all of this and I found that an email I had written her wanting to change the order for the sunroom had actually gone out on the day that the purchase order was sent. She said I would have had to change my order within three days ... well, I did! And she wasn't supposed to have placed the order anyway. So I copied the woman here whose in charge of all this and my husband my email to her telling her that the order should not have been placed and we were going to have to adjust it some now based on the rug price ... which had been the plan all along. The nice thing is that I didn't have to agonize over the wording of the letter since I'm not in the South. I was able to just write a straight-forward letter saying ... nope! Can't do that. Figure it out.
I had an interesting/very sad visit with the man who is going to be installing our blinds. He, too, is just developing an interest in history and has been doing some reading of his own on WW 1 and 2 and also our revolutionary war. He told me a horrible, little known fact about what the English did to American POWs. They crowded them into buildings in Manhattan like sardines and left them to just die. They did the same thing with boats. Just had the boats moored off the coast of New York and, when the smell of the dead and dying prisoners got to be too bad, they sank the ship.
Wow! Just unbelievable.
The sad part,though, was he said something about his wife and the woman from our college asked about her. So I asked if his wife was ill, and she has stage 4 colon cancer. She is only 49. They have been married for 29 years and have known each other since they were children. They have three daughters, two of whom are still at home and one who lives just down the street. We talked for a good while about her and the family and how they were trying to handle it. I hugged him and told him I would be praying for God to sustain him through this. He is obviously very torn up about it. I saw that he has written me the sweetest email thanking me for being so kind to him. The poor man. What on earth is he going to do? How do you lose your spouse and go on?
Speaking of spouses, I had another awful dream this morning in which my husband was being terribly cold to me and then I found out that he was having an affair and had no intention of stopping. And it was with some floozy! This one didn't wipe me out like the one yesterday did at least, though it lingered a long time and was very hard to pull out of. I wonder if I didn't have this extra 40 pounds in the middle of my body ... would I still have these dreams? I keep reminding myself that this is my place of healing. This is the place where I am going to get healthier. Right now my focus is on unpacking and getting settled and getting the house decorated. But after that ...it's going to be about me and about exercising and losing weight and getting more healthy. I hope! Everyone needs to NOT HAVE ANY CRISES DOE A WHILE! It used to be like clockwork. I'd lose ten pounds, and someone in my family would have a massive crisis! Or I was in that big car wreck. Or something else would storm into my life and throw me off course. So ... no more! Please! For the love!
Cheers,
Lisa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)