Dear Reader,
after a couple of high-anxiety days, I think I am ready to put my big-girl panties back on and act like an adult again. I had another rough encounter with my mother yesterday which, combined with the phone call the night before had me back to an area of kind of primal fear. I think what it is is that, when she de-stabilizes,it rings all sorts of alarms deep in me that she is going to start behaving in what used to be a truly terrifying way. But, hey! I'm not five years old anymore and I have a CAR! I can leave the scene! I've been just kind of shaky for two days, not externally, but internally. I told my husband this evening as we were on our way to a movie that it felt life fearful things from my childhood were curling up out of the ground around my ankles and I just wanted to run away out into a big field we were passing screaming, "No! No! No!" I think realizing that kind of brought me to a realization of how much I was letting her effect me which helped me get a grip on it. And, it just occurred to me this morning while I was praying that, if she says she wants to move to New York, I will say right out that I don't think that's a good idea. That my husband and I need this time to ourselves, just the two of us. We will have had kids living with us for 29 years and it's time to be just a couple again. She will go utterly ballistic, but I will be in New York and, if I handle it right with enough differentiation, it will be my brothers' problem.
Speaking of going to a movie, we went to see, "Shadow Agent" which was REALLY good! When they say it is based off of Tom Clancy's work, what they mean is that Tom Clancy had a character named Jack Ryan who was in the CIA! Nothing else is from anything Clancy ever wrote, but whoever did write this did an excellent job.
I am very happy to say that I have exercised every day this week ... I think every day! I really feel good when I'm finished and feel like I'm actually getting some cardio in with this floor workout. Someone told me that Michelle Obama said something about less cardio, more yoga! So ... that works for me since cardio makes me feel awful and can frequently knock me back two or three days. I'm going to go . through that ap I bought and find more muscle toning exercises I can do on the floor.
I think I'm doing pretty well with nutrition, but my middle is bloated up like a balloon! I don't know what's going on, but I have nothing even resembling a waist right now. I don't think I've mentioned it, but one of my conditions is chronic idiopathic angioedema. So, right now, my blood vessels are bing very permeable and letting plasma out into the surrounding tissues around my middle. I don't know what has triggered this, I just hope it's not a new allergen.
Oh! Speaking of my mother, which I know you thought I had quit speaking of her, but you were WRONG ... I told her when I went to her house yesterday that my husband is taking me to Jamaica and she said, "Why in the world would you want to go to Jamaica! I've been there before and it's filthy!" Yeah, Mom! She also told me she didn't like or need or want a Christmas present I had purchased for her, but had only just come in.
I have gotten almost no work done on inventorying all of my Christmas decorations, but I hope to do a lot tomorrow and Sunday afternoon. I've not gotten a lot of work done on going through all our belongings before we move and culling things dramatically this week. I have gone through two of. Y bedside table drawers and am working on the third drawer now. Big drawers, hugely overfull, so no small feat! I also got one yucky bathroom counter cleaned out. Some kind of gel spilled sometime back and it was gross!
I saw my doctor this week. He was happy with that reduced inflammation level also. I asked him about whether or not I might have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. He told me that he has glove patients he sees, which is more than most rheumatologists have. I told him about how my joints come out of joint really easily and the big muscle and tendon tears I've had in my legs. I could see he wasn't taking me seriously until I got to the part where I said, "and I've had four tumors removed from around each elbow." He looked up sharply and said, "What?! You've never told me about that!" I started laughing and so did he ... I mean, I've always got so much going on, so why would I say, "oh, and, by the way ... while we are NOT on the topic, I had fourteen tumors removed a few years ago and have since made a lot more." So now he wants me to have my cardiologist refer me to a rheumatologist and he says that they will be the one to decide about the diagnosis. It won't help anything to have a diagnosis, it will just mean another genetic defect, but it would be nice to understand what's going on. For people with weird health problems, diagnoses are a relief.
There's only one problem. My blood calcium levels were very high which either means I'm low in Vitamin D, orrrr ... I have a tumor on the para-something-or-other gland in my brain. Gee. He's running a couple more tests. I'm certainly hoping it's just the vitamin D thing.
Our realtor in New York called today to tell me there was a great article in the newspaper about my husband coming. Here's a funny story for you. My husband's secretary called and talked with us new secretary. The new secretary told her that things in the office were always very tense and she typically works 12 hour days. My husband's secretary (who is a fantastic secretary, but country as the day is long!) told her, "Well, you've got "Jesus walking on the water" coming to you!" (I know some people who would think that was a blasphemous thing to say, (I am in the DEEP South, after all, but she didn't mean it like that at all. But I shudder to imagine what my mother-in-law would think!)
Our son is coming down tomorrow to see us and get rent money from us. I really hope to hear that he's gotten a job!
Well, it's late. Oh, one last thing. I did talk with my housekeeper finally, but just touched on a few things and decided I can address specifics gradually next week.
So, altogether, a pretty good day.
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