Dear Reader,
well, I am here to report on my progress, or lack of it. As I said, it's a morass and I'm trying to find my way out. It's like being lost in a swamp. No, I know what it's like. We used to live by a small creek. It was right beside our house, and my son and I used to go tramping around through it for fun. Obviously, this was when he was MUCH younger! The thing about this creek is that there were patches of quicksand in it, which made it all the more fun! We'd be tramping along in our boots when all of a sudden one of our legs would sink in all the way to the knee, or sometimes, all the way up your leg! We would roar with laughter as we tried to pull our leg out without driving the other leg in. Often, we could finally get our foot out, but only by slipping our foot out of the boot and leaving it there in the sand. Then we had to dig through the sand to fetch out the boot, which was seldom accomplished without thrusting some other part of our anatomy into the sand. We would ultimately arrive home filthy dirty, happy, and exhausted.
Finding my way out of all these health and behavioral issues is like that. But without the camaraderie and without the fun!
So ... successes first!
I am doing slightly better at going to bed. After the bad experiences with mom I started losing time again. I'd be getting ready fir bed and suddenly it would be 2:00 am and I wouldn't know how that had happened. So I've tightened up on my evenings and have tried to keep my focus better.
I have quit going downstairs late at night to eat a snack. Instead I have been bringing up a banana or a Lara Bar or one of those little pouches of mushed up fruit that are for kids! They only have 50 calories and are kind of fun to eat. Sometimes I swell up badly after eating them, though which makes me worry that I may be getting allergic to bananas again. A couple of nights I have gone downstairs and gotten some frozen blueberries and put a spoon of xylitol on them and brought them upstairs to eat. Delicious!
I worked out every day last week, I think. I didn't work out yesterday, Martin Luther King day. It was a holiday and my husband was home and I just didn't get it in. But I did work out today. I have added in more exercises and it's going well. I'm still using the Mama Mia sound track, but I'm sure it's going to get old fast. My legs and hips are definitely getting stronger. I can tell a real difference walking up all the stairs in our house.
I'm still eating nutritiously, but not losing weight or really trying to. I honestly don't think there's any point until we get moved and settled and I quit producing so much cortisol constantly. I do want a strong dose of chocolate each day, though. Usually it's just a tablespoon of Nutella, and that does the trick. I know I should reduce my sugar intake, but overall, I think I have.
I am slowly working with my housekeeper, trying to sit down with her a half hour each day. She's not held a steady job before, so she doesn't know how to keep her moods in check and have a professional and business-like approach to her job. The quality of her work depends entirely on her mood. I have spent time with her trying to help her learn how to get more sleep at night. I'm about to suggest meditation as a way to achieve mental discipline so she can quiet her thoughts at night. I'm sure she will think its silly, but she spends hours rehearsing everything she's worried about in her head, and can't go to sleep because of it. One of the VP's her wants to get rid of the entire custodial staff and outsource all of it to contractors. I have been vehemently against it, and my husband has blocked it, but her job could be in real danger if she isn't doing a top notch job by the time I leave.
I got a pedicure last week on Wednesday! My daughter and I had lunch together and then got pedicures. I was conservative in my color choice and regret it now. My goal tomorrow is to get a massage. I have always thought it was ridiculous to spend $60 for a massage, but I'm going to try to do it tomorrow. There's a new place that has opened up and only does massages, so I'm hoping it will be cheaper.
I have ordered three jackets and two skirts on sale to wear to meet the Board of Directors when we go to New York. I won't keep them all, but ordered them hoping to find one outfit that will work. I also ordered two pairs of camel- colored shoes and am really hoping at least one of them will work. I can't wear pumps because me heel slips out, no matter what kind of heel grips I put in. I feel certain that someone could come up with a good heel grip if they just set their mind to it! Like one that is covered with tiny suction cups to grip your foot!
I am rolls trying to focus on getting more rest. When I set my alarm, I set it for nine hours of sleep. I am using my wake-up alarm clock which has a light that starts turning thirty minutes before your alarm, and then uses bird calls to wake you. It doesn't wake me up at all, though. I wear ear plugs, for one thing, and am usually turned facing away from it in the morning, so I don't think the light is too effective. I also set my phone alarm and, between the two of them, I wake up.
So here are the not-so-good things.
I am sick of cooking! I just hate it now. I would rather have a Bol of oatmeal than make a meal. There are no good restaurants here, so I keep cooking and dream of better days after we move. I made Thai food tonight to try to make something interesting. I forgot to turn on the rice cooker, so we didn't have the coconut-ginger rice I made. The cucumber salad was good, but the Tom Ka Gai soup was way too salty! I used lemongrass paste and I think that May have been what did it, because I didn't add salt to it. I frequently am not eating a proper lunch or breakfast, mostly because I just don't want to. So I'm kind of living off of chai soy lattes I make and edemame!
I'm still staying u too late at night. It's 12:12 am right now.
But the worst is that I just can't wake up! I doze and doze and doze. I think I could sleep twelve hours a night! I'm not sure what to do about this. The main problem is that I don't WANT to get up. I have no cortisol surge! You're supposed to have a cortisol surge in the morning that wakes you up, but this doesn't seem to happen. I take a Xanax before I go to sleep and two hydroxyzene, and it could be that it is them that causes this. But self-discipline isn't being enough to make me get out of bed, so this is still a big problem, and I don't know what to do to counteract it.
Well, I'm tired and ready to try to go to sleep now. The good news is that my husband isn't snoring badly tonight, so maybe I'll be able to go to sleep quickly.
That's it for tonight. I. Totally intimidated about inventorying all of my books. My husband has already done his and our cd collection. But I have a ton to do as well.
I hope you have a good day tomorrow! Tomorrow will be day January 21st. So that's 21 days I've stayed focused on my resolutions. I think that must be some type of record! Did you see the Saturday Night Live skit this past Saturday with Drake doing the skit about resolutions? It was actually funny!
Cheers!
Lisa
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