Dear Reader,
well, I am shocked to see that yesterday's blog is here. I knew my iPad was about out of power, but I only had one more line I wanted to write when it turned off. When I charged it, it was completely gone. It didn't bother me much, because the function of this blog is just to keep myself focusing on my goals to get healthy and get us ready to move. So, by writing the blog I had done that. But I decided to write tonight on my husband's computer, and it pulled up yesterday's writing as a draft. I was so happy!
I am having a fair amount of pain in my right shoulder. I've got some tendons acting up in it. This is from what I've told you about, every time I exercise I hurt myself. This has been hurting for about five days now, I guess. I'll take some prednisone tonight and see if I can get the inflammation to settle down. The good part of this is that it is ONLY my right shoulder that is hurting. Usually I have brought on a major inflammatory attack with pain all through my body, or badly strained or sprained something. So, as I said, this endeavor is going to be a matter of balancing between progress and pain. This week as I've worked out, I've started to enjoy it and keep pushing myself further. I keep trying to remember to stop and go to some other part of the body if I want to keep working, but I obviously went too far doing push-ups or planks, one or the other.
I was pretty mad at myself last night because I completely and utterly bombed on the whole going-to-bed-on-time thing. We had a date last night and after we came home, I got in bed and got on my iPad doing this, that, and the other (shopping!) and then got in the tub with the plan of finishing the Mockingjay, the last book in the Hunger Games series. (Yes, mock me all you want! I deserve it. To make it worse I will confess that this is my SECOND time to read the books!) I happened to glance at the clock and saw that it was 1:50 am! I had not been aware of time passing. Do you know that that is one of the symptoms of PTSD, no awareness of time? So I got out of the bath and went immediately to bed. It took me a while to go to sleep, of course, since I left the rebel forces advancing on the Capital and Katniss and her allies in the tunnels under the city! Not a good place to stop and try to sleep! I really felt bad about this. I was willfully unaware of my goal of taking care of my body and starting to be sure to get enough sleep and not let myself reach the point of exhaustion. And I just threw the goals behind me because I had a good book. That I had already read before. I confessed it to God and moved on today. I did feel like God nudged me that I need to start writing down the time when I do things upstairs getting ready for bed. Like,
9:45 - browsed clothes on iPad
10:15- bathed
10:30- skin care, supplements
etc., just to help me become aware again of time passing. I literally cannot understand how, on so many nights, I'm not turning out my lights until three or four hours after I've gone to bed! What have I been doing??? Usually I'm just at a complete loss.
I didn't intend on exercising today and don't intend to do so tomorrow. Hopefully my shoulder will heal by then. I've been fairly careful with what I've eaten. A gluten-free turkey sandwich with grapes and kettle chips. A chai soy-latte. Fish tacos. I may make some gluten-free chocolate chip cookies mix I have tonight. I have to replace eggs with this egg-replacement powder and it doesn't seem to work terribly good, but it's all I can do.
I still haven't gotten back to meditating, and I think that's one reason why I've had this problem with pulling myself together from these interactions with my mother. I've only spoken to her briefly the last two days, and it's apparent that she's trying hard to be very pleasant. Which makes me start feeling sad for her, which leads me back to empathy, which leads me to feeling compassion, which will lead me, if I'm not careful, to inviting her to move to New York. Horrors! I just had a terrible thought! What if she wanted to move to where we'll be, but can't afford to buy anything and so wants to move in with us???
I've been working on inventorying my Christmas decorations today. So boring, but I'm going to keep plugging away. My husband has gone to see a movie I didn't want to see, so I'm going to use my evening working on this
I think we'll be going to church tomorrow. I wonder if you are as well? I wonder what churches will be like in New York? I'm hoping more real and about real faith and not about a culture that has grown up around Christianity, like we have in the South. The church we go to is low-income, ethnically mixed, and without glamour, show-biz, or pretend. That's the only way I can handle church at all. Put robes on a choir and I'm out of there!
I hope we all have a restful Saturday evening and a good night's sleep.
Cheers!
Lisa McNichols
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