Dear Reader,
Well, all the well-laid plans did certainly go astray today. As I told you, I'm trying this "Habit Stacking" book's ideas. So, I set up three habit stacks, basically following the routine of my usual day, but shifting things up a little. Like, before I start on housework or unpacking or exercising, I'm going to try to do desk work first.
I didn't take even a half of a Xanax, because I only had one left and I didn't know if my doctor had sent me a hard-copy prescription or not. I slept fairly well, better than the night before, but not great. When my alarm went off after about 8 hours I felt just exhausted. I kept pushing dose until, by a huge act of will, I got up and started on my day, as planned. I kept expecting to shake it off, but I never, ever did. I made some coffee and enjoyed about three swallows before it started messing with my stomach.
I got completely dressed, even my hair and makeup done and put on tennis shoes because I intended to really work. But then the painters got her and emptied the living room into my large entry and my dining room, which I had not expected. These were the first two areas I was going to sweep once I started the housework!
But ... I never got to the housework. I cleaned off the breakfast table and set up my computer on it. The plan is to do computer work first, then male phone calls, and then do any written work I need to do, like paying a bill or writing a note. I began with reviewing world news. This is one of the suggestions of Habit Stacking and I decided to try it having been caught completely off-guard by someone bringing up ICE in a conversation and I had no idea what they were taking about. I think I covered it okay, unless they interpreted my blank face as embarrassed ignorance, which it was. I found a fantastic app/website called, unfortunately, "inkabinka". It sums up the world news in a two minute presentation. It breaks down each item into four points for you and the will send you to the full article if you want. So, I did know about the Palestinian teenager who was killed already, but I now know that thy have arrested six men, one of which made a confession. Then I worked through a bunch of emails and checked Facebook.
Then I made a bunch of necessary one calls that never made it to the top of any to-do list. Grueling! But, I do have an appointment with a vet tomorrow for my sheltie, and I did find a functional health doctor who accepts insurance, though she is out-of-network. I'm going to keep looking, but she sounded like she was saying that she would adjust things to equal what my insurance would do if she were in network. So, well see. I called my bank and ordered a debit card and checks. And I even got my Western Union problem worked out and they are refunding me my money. Yeah!! I did some other calls and then took care of some written things I needed to go through and a couple of bills I needed to mail in. Whew! I HATE doing stuff like that! I tried to print off some return slips for amazon, but couldn't figure out how to print them off with my husband's new computer/printer set-up. During all of this I kept feeling worse and worse and like I really needed to go back to bed. But there were four strange men in the house painting and I didn't want to go to bed while they were here, so I kept,working until they got finished and left. But by then, I was very sick.
Now, when I say "sick," I mean my immune system started acting u like it was being attacked. My doctor once told me that my body thought it was a village under siege and anything could make it go screaming into action. I'm very sick at my stomach and having various digestive complaints, but I'm pretty sure I'm not sick from a bacteria or anything. But my body is trying to kill whatever it is that made me feel so tired. So, tonight, I'm not going to set an alarm and will just get up when I wake up and that should take care of that. I went to bed around 3:00, I guess and just laid there pretty comatose until around 8:00. I ate a couple of gluten-free English muffins and drank some coke. I expect to feel fine tomorrow. But it's very frustrating to lose so much of the day because of my body misinterpreting fatigue.
Had a few interesting things happen today. I had worked long and hard at picking out the white paint for the ceilings and molding and had gone with "Simply White" by Benjamin Moore after reading a lot of articles by designers taking about their favorite whites. This white has no grey to it and works equally well with warm colors or cool colors. But, after they started painting they called me in and were all worried about the paint color, asking me if this was what I wanted, wasn't too,late to change my mind, etc. the problem was that they were painting the ceiling and it looked like a cream instead of a white. I assured them that it was the right color (inwardly I was groaning and thinking I had made a terrible mistake, but I wasn't going to second-guess myself at that point). I showed them how the ceiling looked mind of grey, but this fresh paint did not, etc. They were still very worried, but I insisted that it was fine. I was pleased to see, though, that I had been right. I couldn't think that I had made a terrible mistake because I had gone through all the paint swatches and everything. Once the ceiling was painted, though, it looked great and, more importantly, WHITE! Whew! When the contractor came back to the house I showed it to him and he was amazed. Said he thought I had made a mistake and that it was almost a beige, etc. I told him that I had been moderately terrified. He exclaimed that I didn't show it at all, that he never would have guessed that I had any doubt at all. I told him that I'm really good at poker, and he said he would never play poker with me!
My husband posted on Facebook a picture of me from when I was 27 and, frankly, I had had no idea that I was that pretty! I mean ... I look GORGEOUS! Oh how the mighty have fallen! Oh, by the way, one thing I like about this doctor I talked to today is that weight is one of their main areas. My weight problems are all tied up in my immune system problems, so I'm hoping she can help my body decide it can give up the extra pounds. One time a few years ago I gave it a very concentrated effort. I worked out a lot, diets, and even took diet shots and pills. In four months I think I lost maybe six pounds! And I screwed my immune system up so much worse. I had not told my doctor I was doing that, but I finally had to go in to see him for extreme fatigue. He ran some tests and when I went back on, he showed me how very much worse all my immune system markers were and how extreme they were ... seriously, off the charts! He told me about it and then said something had changed and asked me if I knew what had caused this!
I haven't done anything stupid since then.
But, dear Lord, I want a waist again!!!
I can't remember what the third thing is that I was going to tell you, so I'll tell you this instead. I'm down to one box in the bedroom which is pretty exciting.
Oh, now I remember! The college got me a new washer and dryer, and I selected a whirlpool front-load washer with the matching dryer. I washed some sheets today and -- OH, MY GOSH -- they were practically dry when I took them out of the washing machine! I literally could have put them on the bed as they were and let them finish up! One of the things I rad was that they spun the clothes more gently, but still removed more water than a top-loading washer and that this would save on the costs of drying. Well, I didn't pay any attention to that because I thought, yea, yea. Sure. But it's true!
I woke up this morning from an awful dream. So interesting how my mind works through things in my dreams. It apparently has decided to take on the incident from several years ago that broke our hearts when a group of women at the church we were in kind of ganged up on me. The most bizarre period of our lives! Irrational hostility! So, in my dream, I was at a women's retreat sort of thing and they started criticizing me about everything from my boot-cut jeans to my narrow face. My best friend at the time, who did stand by me during it all, told me that I had to go before a group of them to hear all,of,their accusations. I said I wouldn't do that and got on a bike and rode away in the pouring rain. Then the dream shifted to my childhood home, and they were all there at the house next door. And the woman who became my arch-enemy, for real, was there making all kinds of notes about me in a book. I was trying to ignore them and go I about my business just having nothing to do with them. Part of this involved going to the back of my yard and walking through a gate to the house behind my house, which was a diner! Weird, huh? But I was very aware that they were all ganging up against me. A couple of things interesting is that my childhood home represents a lot of shame I felt growing up. And so, my mind takes this incident in which I was attacked for no reason and puts it in the setting of this house. The other thing interesting is that I used to have nightmares quite frequently in which I was running in terror, pure terror, away from my house. I always ran through the backyard and leaped the fence into the yard of this house and then kept on running like the hounds of hell were after me for block after block after block, leaping fence after fence. So, I this dream, the first yard into which I used to leap now has a place of refuge in it in the form of a diner.
My husband never would have started looking for jobs if this horrible incident had not happened, so we count it now as a blessing and think that God allowed something this extreme to happen because nothing less would have shaken us loose as effectively as this did. You know how Exodus says that God hardened Pharaoh's heart against the Israelites? It seems almost unfair then, when He punishes Pharaoh afterwords, doesn't it? But, if you pay attention, you see that the first few times, it says that Pharaoh hardened his own heart. What I think this means is that Pharaoh made the decision to be hostile towards Israel all on his own. But then, God used that hostility to effect His will in releasing the Israelites from slavery and get them out of Egypt. So, while God may have augmented the hostility, He was only using what Pharaoh already had. I think this was sort of the same thing. I realized later how this couple already had hostility based in envy towards me. Then they saw their opportunity and began playing it out. But then God took their hostility and kept them at it to the point of being ridiculous to effect His will in our lives which was to release us from that place and that life because He had something infinitely better in mind for us.
So, once again ... "Deep Thoughts with Lisa McNichols!"
I hope to have a good day tomorrow and wish you a good one, too.
Cheers!
Lisa
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