Dear Friend,
My husband and I had a talk yesterday evening about my health issues and how he feels about them. He says he hasn't lost respect for me at all, he knows I have a chronic illness, and he agrees that he thinks my depression is worse and seeing the doctor to tweak my meds is a good idea. He doesn't mind that I'm not a "charger" who can just keep marching forward like he does, and he doesn't wish at all that he had a stronger or more competent wife! No way I believe any of that, but it was nice of him to try hard to convince me that this wasn't a problem for him.
Today started out bad. I completely slept through my doctor's appointment. I could hear the alarm go off, but I could not wake up for anything. I think it went off for an hour before it finally turned off. I called in and left a message apologizing, but I still couldn't fully wake up for a while.
I hurt my daughter's feelings telling her she couldn't eat in the formal living room. (!) she was eating toast on one of the white floral chairs and got impatient with me because people have eaten and will eat in there and then got upset and went upstairs. I went up after a little bit and she was crying. Said she didn't have any place where she could be, just her tiny little bedroom. I had strongly evicted her from my study one time. I apologized for that and said as long as she relinquished my chair when I wanted it, she could use my room, but eating needed to stay in the dining room or breakfast room or den. She has been sick and so she cried a fair amount. It's a hard transition from your own apartment to back in your parents' home.
My husband and she went to some fabulous art store and then we met at this huge, incredibly crowded and busy place to get a Christmas tree, which nearly made my husband crazy! Then we went out for dinner and came home. He and I dozed for a while and then they finished up "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" and then we watched a House, M.D. And came up for bed. He has issues going on at the college that are being pretty stressful.
I had a tussle with my mother on Friday over something ugly she wrote on my daughter's Facebook page. She texted me about it and I defended the posts and tried to calm her down, but she was just off in her own crazy place and kept ranting about it, so I just didn't respond anymore and didn't contact her any more that day or the next. So I felt like I needed to call her today and did. I didn't bring up any of the Facebook stuff and neither did she. I was able to turn it into a cheerful conversation.. Sometimes I feel like my role in my family is just calming everyone down!
So, I didn't get a thing accomplished today except getting a good rest. But, I have managed to pretty much stay out of the doldrums, so that's good.
I read up on that church I find and it sounds like it is really good. And ... they meet at 2:30 in the afternoon! Brilliant!! My husband is staying home tomorrow to work a bunch on these issues at the college, so I'm going to go check them out myself. I have high hopes, despite having had my hopes dashed over and over! I need friends! I need fellowship! I need to be able to worship corporately and hear good sermons! I need to be able to teach again! At least they surely won't have jazz music! I hope!!
I have picked my bathroom sconces and have just this evening fund two really pretty mirrored medicine cabinets that I think will look great in there. But I'm doing the most boring thing ever right now! My powder room needs a soap dispenser, a toilet paper holder, a towel ring and a corner shelf. I found two sets after a lot of looking, but the designer shot them down. She didn't like either of them and made her suggestions. Well... It's just ridiculous! I can't find a set that has everything I need in the color I need it to be (dark bronze) except in styles that I know she won't like. There are very few wall-mounted soap dispensers, so I've started with them and then try to find the accompanying pieces that I need. Good heavens! You won't think that would be hard, would you?? Well ... guess again, because it is! It's driving me nuts!
I hope to get some work done tomorrow around the house. One full week of being amazingly productive would help me so much. I presume that we will decorate the tree tomorrow. That will be fun. I actually am looking forward to it, which is unusual for me.
Oh, darn! I just remembered I have to wire our son some money. He has talked to some temp agencies who say they can keep m busy until his adjunct professor job starts, but he needs some food and gas money in the meantime.
I have one event to give this week, which is a dinner for four. It's a couple I really like, at least. But it will be our trial run giving a dinner here.
Have a blessed day tomorrow.
Cheers!
Lisa
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