... for they shall get their children in the same car!
Dear Companion,
today was our daughter's last day in Nashville and it was drenched in tears. And then she and her brother got in a big fight via texting and then they were both texting me. She was saying, please don't make me drive with him and he was saying talk to yr daughter or she'll be making this trip by herself! Our son was, as best as I can figure it out, in a very testy mood and, when he learned she would be an hour late being ready to leave was cross with her and it went downhill from there. I called her and she was crying her heart out. Couldn't hardly breathe and everything. It was a while before I could get her calm enough to understand what was going on. She said she was exhausted and she didn't want to leave that night, the weather was bad and she just wanted to go to bed and make the trip by herself in the morning. I told her she didn't have to have him drive her and that calmed her down some. Then explained how to examine any situation like this in terms of power. By crying and getting hysterical, she was giving him all the power in the situation. Instead, now knowing that she could make the trip on her own, she could retake her personal power in the situation and tell him that she could not be there until 9:00. She would like for him to go with her, but if he didn't want to, then that was fine, she would drive up on her own the next day. I told her that we wouldn't want her on the road at night, so she'd have to be prepared to stop at hotels on the way up here and that I thought it was better for her if she did come up with her brother. That he had been very testy to her, which we were used to, but we just hadn't seen him be like this for a long time and it was the straw on her back which was why she had gotten so upset by it. Then I got off the phone with her and called our son, but he was working and couldn't talk but said he could text. So I texted him that it sneed like he had been harsh with her, did he feel like he had been? And that she was terribly upset and crying so hard she couldn't get her breath. He texted back saying that she had been rude to him, etc. I said that it didn't do any good for me to go through a discussion of who said what to who, but it sounded like they had each been sharp with the other and each of them were on edge and so took everything worse. Could he consider texting her and saying he hadn't meant to upset her and just to try to get there as soon as he could, that way he didn't have to admit fault, but could smooth things out with her. To my surprise he asked me to text her, he was at work after all, and tell her he was sorry and that they'd leave when she got there. So I called her and she was still crying pretty bad, but she agreed. I had some good news for her from her father about a person in a very incredible business who wanted her to come see him for interviewing help and then was going to send her to some people in his business to see if they had a place for her. If I told you what the company was, you'd be thrilled for her! She was excited/terrified. I told her that was the thing. Stay in Tennessee and work at Wal-Mart, or come to New York and have a shot at something like this. She definitely doesn't want to stay in Tennessee if it means working some low-level job. I'm watching them on the AT&T family map and they are getting close to being across Tennessee now. She just needs to find a job, soon! That will help her out so much in this big transition. And, hopefully our son will like what he sees up here and think about moving up here, too.
So, my visit with my therapist yesterday was pretty important. We talked about the huge panic attack. I'm not sure that I have this all straight, but I'll try to put it together as best as I understand it at this point. I told her that the understanding that I was trying to say my mother was only this occasionally very nice person, and all the other stuff was just her mental illness, not her was distorting who she was. And that she actually is ALL the moms I experience. She was the nice, companionable, kind mother, but she was also the terrifying, raging person who could change on a dime and suddenly attack. And that I thought that that realization made the fact that I am no longer calling her every day put me in a place of real danger from her. That I was, in her terms, no longer "placating the beast" and it became slowly overwhelming to the point that I was so afraid I could not even stay in a chair. That it brought back the feelings in the past of being terrified out of my mind about how she was going to react to some perceived slight to the point of being completely unable to function. And that's what happened last Saturday. I became unable to function. She asked how long the whole thing had taken. I think it grew on me for about three hours, just the increasing sense of dis-ease fore I was on the floor. And I was on the floor for maybe 30 minutes. I told her what my doctor said about taking a Xanax and she asked me why I hadn't. I said that I had wanted to be able to deal with it without a medicine and just push my way through it. And that it just would have out me to sleep. So she asked me if I had been able to get much work done while I was in that distress and I said no. It was too intense. So she pointed out that I could have taken a Xanax and fallen asleep for three hours which would have been healthier for me and wouldn't have made a big difference in how much work I got done. I told her how, once the horrible feeling began to ease up some, I started making detailed plans for what I would do. I would get the piece of packing paper I was lying on and put it in the box it had come out of. Then I would wash my face and get my makeup, go downstairs and get some gluten-free chocolate cookies and a Coke Zero and watch a Glee (she totally gets Glee, which was nice). And I rehearsed that in my mind until I felt I could pull it off. She said that was all very good.
In talking though all of this, I rally liked something she said. She said it was her fault. That's not something you here anyone say very often, much less a psychologist. But she said it was her fault because she "unveiled" a truth about my mother too quickly and I wasn't prepared for it and was left vulnerable to it which wa what caused the anxiety. That she should have done what they call "inoculation" where they prepare someone for something before they help the to see it. She said that I have been calling her regularly and seeing her regularly not because I want to, but because it was my way of placating her and keeping her acting like that nice person. So as long as I was doing that, I was experiencing this "nice" mother. By showing me that I was distorting who she was by saying that nice person was the real person caused me to see that she is, also, the terrible, horrible person who I have moved away from and am no longer keeping her nice by constant contact. So my psyche suddenly perceived itself to be in grave danger. She didn't say that last thing, but that's my understanding of the gist of what she said. There was more to all of this, but that's all I was able to hand on to. At one point I was frustrated and asked why I couldn't keep this together? Why I couldn't understand it all and hold on to that understanding and keep it all in a nice little ball. She said it is because I am left with terror in me and terror is ... what did she say? Terror creates disorganized thinking, so you can't get yr thinking about something of which you are terrified nicely organized and chronicled and indexed and keep it that way, because the terror itself is unstructured and destructures your ability to understand it. Wow. That was hard to out in words. I'm not sure I've got it right even now, and then she laughed and said, "were not going to try to get it into a ball anyway". I said, "oh ... then I don't need my metaphorical ball?" And she said no, I didn't. That we are going to try to out it into a narrative. That that is the goal. Okeydoke, then. A narrative it shall be. I really ... oh wait. She said something else that I don't think I completely grasped. I said something about being broken ... and she said something about how I was not broken. My psyche was damaged, but I was not broken by that damage.
So, that the news from my little spot in the universe.
Cheers!
Lisa
Friday, October 31, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Day 230 - Even Worse Day!
Dear Reader,
The dysautonomia was really, really had today. I had set my medicine in a different place and so I forgot to take it last night and this morning, too. I was freezing cold ths morning and couldn't get my body temperature up even though I turned the heat on and was clutching a heating pad. I went ahead and ordered an electric blanket today, which should help with that in the future. And I've learned that the electric company will install a new thermostat that you can control with your smart phone and schedule the heat to come on at a certain time. I'm going to request that this be done and that should help, too.
But I also could not get my blood pressure to come up at all. So I just kept falling asleep and felt like crap whenever I'd try to wake up. Couple of things that contributed to this. One is that night before last I stayed u until almost 3:00 am working on all kinds of house issues that had to be settled. So I only got six hours of sleep, and then last night was mynhusband's birthday, so we went it and saw a movie and got a late dinner, so I was I late again with that. Then forgetting two doses of my beta blocker just clenched the deal.
Everything will get better once the house is finished and my stress load lightens up. It's just this long in-between-time that is being really hard two and three crews of men have been in the house each day. One set was breaking open all the windows which were sealed shut with paint. That entailed hammering all day long for two and a half days, which just had the dogs going crazy.
But the house is now a terrible disaster and our friends come in tomorrow night! And our daughter and son come in sometime the next night or during the day on Friday. So, I absolutely HAVE to feel better tomorrow!
The place on my arm is going to have to be cut off by a dermatologist because my doctor doesn't cut that deep.
My right big two has "reduced capillary action" and is causing me crazy bad pain. There's a new lump on a joint so I have to go see a podiatrist to find out what's going on there,especially with the lack of circulations. Get in a hot tub and the toe goes bone white, so something is impairing the blood flow.
I called to verify my MRI this morning only to learn that the new place did not make me an appointment and,if they got the fax with the prescription and the insurance authorization,they don't know what became of it because I'm not in their computer system. If it didn't hurt so bad, I'd just give up.
I met with the designer from Ethan Allen wh has left there and branched out other own with a partner to talk to them about helping me with getting the family areas finished. I'm just so dead tired and feel like I can't make another decision. We had a good time, except that in felt absolutely awful and looked worse!
So, if you pray, I would appreciate some prayers up here!
Maybe I'll have a more cheerful post tomorrow. Oh, when I told my doctor that I had this huge anxiety attack and wound up lying on the floor in a fetal position for a good while, she asked me if I took a Xanax and I said no. Moshe asked why not and I said because indent like taking them and was trying to get through it without one. She laughed and said, you know ... fetal position ... on the floor ... THATS the time to take a Xanax!!
Oh ... one tiny bit of good news is that i found silver, light-blocking drapes in amazon that I think will work in my daughter's bedroom on sale from $70 a panel to $19 a panel. And ... I just now realized that I only ordered two panels, not the four I needed! Oh well. I'll see how these look and go from there.
Cheers! (Sort of!)
Lisa
The dysautonomia was really, really had today. I had set my medicine in a different place and so I forgot to take it last night and this morning, too. I was freezing cold ths morning and couldn't get my body temperature up even though I turned the heat on and was clutching a heating pad. I went ahead and ordered an electric blanket today, which should help with that in the future. And I've learned that the electric company will install a new thermostat that you can control with your smart phone and schedule the heat to come on at a certain time. I'm going to request that this be done and that should help, too.
But I also could not get my blood pressure to come up at all. So I just kept falling asleep and felt like crap whenever I'd try to wake up. Couple of things that contributed to this. One is that night before last I stayed u until almost 3:00 am working on all kinds of house issues that had to be settled. So I only got six hours of sleep, and then last night was mynhusband's birthday, so we went it and saw a movie and got a late dinner, so I was I late again with that. Then forgetting two doses of my beta blocker just clenched the deal.
Everything will get better once the house is finished and my stress load lightens up. It's just this long in-between-time that is being really hard two and three crews of men have been in the house each day. One set was breaking open all the windows which were sealed shut with paint. That entailed hammering all day long for two and a half days, which just had the dogs going crazy.
But the house is now a terrible disaster and our friends come in tomorrow night! And our daughter and son come in sometime the next night or during the day on Friday. So, I absolutely HAVE to feel better tomorrow!
The place on my arm is going to have to be cut off by a dermatologist because my doctor doesn't cut that deep.
My right big two has "reduced capillary action" and is causing me crazy bad pain. There's a new lump on a joint so I have to go see a podiatrist to find out what's going on there,especially with the lack of circulations. Get in a hot tub and the toe goes bone white, so something is impairing the blood flow.
I called to verify my MRI this morning only to learn that the new place did not make me an appointment and,if they got the fax with the prescription and the insurance authorization,they don't know what became of it because I'm not in their computer system. If it didn't hurt so bad, I'd just give up.
I met with the designer from Ethan Allen wh has left there and branched out other own with a partner to talk to them about helping me with getting the family areas finished. I'm just so dead tired and feel like I can't make another decision. We had a good time, except that in felt absolutely awful and looked worse!
So, if you pray, I would appreciate some prayers up here!
Maybe I'll have a more cheerful post tomorrow. Oh, when I told my doctor that I had this huge anxiety attack and wound up lying on the floor in a fetal position for a good while, she asked me if I took a Xanax and I said no. Moshe asked why not and I said because indent like taking them and was trying to get through it without one. She laughed and said, you know ... fetal position ... on the floor ... THATS the time to take a Xanax!!
Oh ... one tiny bit of good news is that i found silver, light-blocking drapes in amazon that I think will work in my daughter's bedroom on sale from $70 a panel to $19 a panel. And ... I just now realized that I only ordered two panels, not the four I needed! Oh well. I'll see how these look and go from there.
Cheers! (Sort of!)
Lisa
Monday, October 27, 2014
Day 232 - AWFUL DAY'
Dear Reader,
I'm not going to go into my whole day. I'll just say that there are at LEAST as many incompetent people up here in administrative positions as there has ever been in the South. Someday everything I went through today trying to get the MRI taken of my shoulder will be funny. But not right now. Still don't have an appointment and I am really in bad bad pain almost all the time now. Definitely not funny.
Plus, I am not feeling kindly towards my family at all. Again, not going into all the details, but I've been trying to have a nice conversation via email with my oldest brother. But he just utterly ignored every bit of my kind of chatty letter and just focused in ine thing I said and used it to make a statement basically saying how vastly superior he is to everyone else. What's more surprising is that I actually let it hurt me. Pretty badly.
Then later I called my mother and every bit of the conversation was like a sword fight. She was contentious about everything. She said she was going to drive to an amtrak station two hours away to see what kind of security they have for her car. I,said,that she might phone them first, and she interrupted me about how she wanted to see for herself, she didn't trust people to say the truth on the phone and she wasn't one of those people who just go on what people say! She wants to KNOW! So she's going to make a four hour round trip to do this. Since she had interrupted me before going off on this rant, I just said, "well, what I was going to say was that you might call them before you make that drive because they may tell you that they don't have any security for cars." To that she said, "Oh."
I did finally get all of the upstairs paint picked out and even found a wallpaper for my bathroom. The designer I was working with is coming on Wednesday to help me figure out the family area of the house which is a relief.
It's almost 2:00 and I haven't read my Bible yet. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. Got to get myself into a better mood before the morning comes!
Hope you had a better day and have less annoying family members!
Lisa
I'm not going to go into my whole day. I'll just say that there are at LEAST as many incompetent people up here in administrative positions as there has ever been in the South. Someday everything I went through today trying to get the MRI taken of my shoulder will be funny. But not right now. Still don't have an appointment and I am really in bad bad pain almost all the time now. Definitely not funny.
Plus, I am not feeling kindly towards my family at all. Again, not going into all the details, but I've been trying to have a nice conversation via email with my oldest brother. But he just utterly ignored every bit of my kind of chatty letter and just focused in ine thing I said and used it to make a statement basically saying how vastly superior he is to everyone else. What's more surprising is that I actually let it hurt me. Pretty badly.
Then later I called my mother and every bit of the conversation was like a sword fight. She was contentious about everything. She said she was going to drive to an amtrak station two hours away to see what kind of security they have for her car. I,said,that she might phone them first, and she interrupted me about how she wanted to see for herself, she didn't trust people to say the truth on the phone and she wasn't one of those people who just go on what people say! She wants to KNOW! So she's going to make a four hour round trip to do this. Since she had interrupted me before going off on this rant, I just said, "well, what I was going to say was that you might call them before you make that drive because they may tell you that they don't have any security for cars." To that she said, "Oh."
I did finally get all of the upstairs paint picked out and even found a wallpaper for my bathroom. The designer I was working with is coming on Wednesday to help me figure out the family area of the house which is a relief.
It's almost 2:00 and I haven't read my Bible yet. Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. Got to get myself into a better mood before the morning comes!
Hope you had a better day and have less annoying family members!
Lisa
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Day 233 - Worst Anxiety Attack in Years
Dear Companion,
I expected to get so much work done Saturday, remember? Well, that didn't happen. My anxiety just went sky-high as I was working in our sons room, and I couldn't get ahold of it. No self-talk would bring it down or anything. I finally sat down because I could not keep working, and then wound up so weak and panic-stricken that I was on the floor in a fetal position. For a long time. Completely caught me by surprise. I had not had my klonopin that morning, or my beta blocker, or anything else. I just got up and started working. I had completely forgotten what a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling that is! Incapacitating. As I lay in the floor and felt the extreme panic begin to roll off, I plotted a very precise course of action for when I felt I could get up. I would put the piece of packing paper I was laying on in the box. Then I would go to my bathroom and wash my face,pick up my makeup bag, and go downstairs. There I would get the box of gluten-free cookies and sit down and watch an episode of Glee while I ate my cookies and out on my makeup. It took one and a half Glee's to get pretty calmed down. The chocolate cookies were my way of telling myself that I was okay, I was safe, and I was taking care of myself. Grow up hungry and things like that are important to you. My mother, literally, never prepared me an afternoon snack of any kind my entire life. So, it was a very rough day. My husband came home from his things after I was functioning a little again. I told him about it and I could tell he was discouraged by it. Especially since this hasn't happened for YEARS.
I spent some time trying to figure it out, and I think it has to do with my not telephoning or texting my mother regularly. I'm really trying to break that up so that it is completely unpredictable. This would have, in previous years, left me vulnerable to extreme retaliation. One time, years ago, I didn't invite her to go see a movie with us, and she went on a nine month suicidal period. I can remember being almost paralyzed with fright at times when she was away and I didn't know what kind of state she would be in when she came back home. Maybe it had to do with realizing from my last therapy session that my mother is not the sweet, kind woman who shows up sometimes. She is that person, but she is the living terror also. I am not keeping her placated by calling daily and that just snuck up and took me out.
Today was better. But I couldn't sleep last night and finally took a whole Xanax to go to sleep which caused me to sleep till almost 1:00. I felt good and refreshed, though, when I woke up. So I have mountains of work to get taken care of tomorrow!!!
My daughter and I both need coats for our new climate. My husband has two long cashmere coats that were super expensive, even though he got them on sale. And he has a real good, long trench coat with a heavy lining in it, so he's good. I bought a long, heavy, dressy coat from talbots last spring on half-price just in case we moved here. But my raincoat is several years old and was no longer rain resistant last season, and our daughter doesn't have a rain coat at all. We both have short, quilted car coats, but I don't think either of us can fasten them now, and they are very lightweight. Macys had most of their heavy coats on half-price sale with an extra 15% off tonight, so I got us taken care of. I don't know if these things will be warm enough or not. But I do have a long, puffy coat for when it gets really cold.
I emailed my designer last night with my three biggest design dilemmas. I felt better handing those over to her. I hope I hear back from her tomorrow. One of the problems, though, had to do with wallpaper in my bathroom, and I do believe I happened upon a paper that will work and that I like this evening ... And that is on sale!
So, it's late now, but I feel,like I finally got some things moving. I found fans for Amy's room and the den and ordered them. And I think I have found a nice fan for our bedroom, but haven't ordered it yet. So, things are coming along.
Never missing my klonopin again, or running it of it again, I can tell you that for sure!
Have a great week! Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. , I got a sapphire trench coat for myself. I don't want to one of a million in black! So dreary. Now ... maybe some beautiful galoshes?? I gave mine away before we moved here because they were so incredibly heavy I could hardly wear them, and hurt my feet badly. Finding really cheap ones on amazon. I was a little worried because the ones in the department stores were running $79-199!! But these are only around $25, so that's okay.
Night night
I expected to get so much work done Saturday, remember? Well, that didn't happen. My anxiety just went sky-high as I was working in our sons room, and I couldn't get ahold of it. No self-talk would bring it down or anything. I finally sat down because I could not keep working, and then wound up so weak and panic-stricken that I was on the floor in a fetal position. For a long time. Completely caught me by surprise. I had not had my klonopin that morning, or my beta blocker, or anything else. I just got up and started working. I had completely forgotten what a horrible, HORRIBLE feeling that is! Incapacitating. As I lay in the floor and felt the extreme panic begin to roll off, I plotted a very precise course of action for when I felt I could get up. I would put the piece of packing paper I was laying on in the box. Then I would go to my bathroom and wash my face,pick up my makeup bag, and go downstairs. There I would get the box of gluten-free cookies and sit down and watch an episode of Glee while I ate my cookies and out on my makeup. It took one and a half Glee's to get pretty calmed down. The chocolate cookies were my way of telling myself that I was okay, I was safe, and I was taking care of myself. Grow up hungry and things like that are important to you. My mother, literally, never prepared me an afternoon snack of any kind my entire life. So, it was a very rough day. My husband came home from his things after I was functioning a little again. I told him about it and I could tell he was discouraged by it. Especially since this hasn't happened for YEARS.
I spent some time trying to figure it out, and I think it has to do with my not telephoning or texting my mother regularly. I'm really trying to break that up so that it is completely unpredictable. This would have, in previous years, left me vulnerable to extreme retaliation. One time, years ago, I didn't invite her to go see a movie with us, and she went on a nine month suicidal period. I can remember being almost paralyzed with fright at times when she was away and I didn't know what kind of state she would be in when she came back home. Maybe it had to do with realizing from my last therapy session that my mother is not the sweet, kind woman who shows up sometimes. She is that person, but she is the living terror also. I am not keeping her placated by calling daily and that just snuck up and took me out.
Today was better. But I couldn't sleep last night and finally took a whole Xanax to go to sleep which caused me to sleep till almost 1:00. I felt good and refreshed, though, when I woke up. So I have mountains of work to get taken care of tomorrow!!!
My daughter and I both need coats for our new climate. My husband has two long cashmere coats that were super expensive, even though he got them on sale. And he has a real good, long trench coat with a heavy lining in it, so he's good. I bought a long, heavy, dressy coat from talbots last spring on half-price just in case we moved here. But my raincoat is several years old and was no longer rain resistant last season, and our daughter doesn't have a rain coat at all. We both have short, quilted car coats, but I don't think either of us can fasten them now, and they are very lightweight. Macys had most of their heavy coats on half-price sale with an extra 15% off tonight, so I got us taken care of. I don't know if these things will be warm enough or not. But I do have a long, puffy coat for when it gets really cold.
I emailed my designer last night with my three biggest design dilemmas. I felt better handing those over to her. I hope I hear back from her tomorrow. One of the problems, though, had to do with wallpaper in my bathroom, and I do believe I happened upon a paper that will work and that I like this evening ... And that is on sale!
So, it's late now, but I feel,like I finally got some things moving. I found fans for Amy's room and the den and ordered them. And I think I have found a nice fan for our bedroom, but haven't ordered it yet. So, things are coming along.
Never missing my klonopin again, or running it of it again, I can tell you that for sure!
Have a great week! Cheers!
Lisa
P.S. , I got a sapphire trench coat for myself. I don't want to one of a million in black! So dreary. Now ... maybe some beautiful galoshes?? I gave mine away before we moved here because they were so incredibly heavy I could hardly wear them, and hurt my feet badly. Finding really cheap ones on amazon. I was a little worried because the ones in the department stores were running $79-199!! But these are only around $25, so that's okay.
Night night
Friday, October 24, 2014
Day 235 - Lovely Day
Dear Companion,
yes ... That's right, companion! To refer to you, whoever "you" are as "Reader" has seemed too cold. If you, for some reason, follow my ramblings as I try to regain my health and take possession of my life, you are more than just a reader!
Today was a lovely day because I did not have to leave the house at all today. This is a regular conversation between me and my psychologist. Having had full-blown agoraphobia before, my reluctance to leave the house, and my difficulty doing so is of some concern to her. Knowing how much worse I used to be, my current level,of anxiet at leaving the house doesn't concern me at all!
Another thing that made it a nice day is that almost no one came to the house! The dry cleaners man and the facilities director,who brought over a chimney sweep! Yep, I didn't know they were still around either.
I was able to get quite a lot done. In my som's bedroom today and am looking forward to cleaning it more tomorrow. I also have to pick a paint color for it. I have five windows in there, and six dark brown velvet curtain panels. I think I've got it figured out how to handle that. I have to pick a paint color and, hopefully, will have it painted and clean before our guests get here Thursday. Oh, that reminds me ... I need some sheets. Doubletree has promised to have us the mattress here in time!
My husband and I went to a nearby village for dinner at a nice cafe. I had the lobster tacos and the grilled shrimp on arugula with tomatoes and white cannellini beans, the same salad I had for lunch yesterday.
I picked a shower curtain today for the bathroom that goes with my study. It's a beautiful Celtic design in luscious shades of ourple and blue that I think will tie together the lavender in my study with the blue tile in the bathroom.
My husband has a very full day and evening tomorrow, so I should be able to get a lot done tomorrow!
The klonopin is building up some and the anxiety is going down, but there's still a ways to go.
Cheers!
Lisa
yes ... That's right, companion! To refer to you, whoever "you" are as "Reader" has seemed too cold. If you, for some reason, follow my ramblings as I try to regain my health and take possession of my life, you are more than just a reader!
Today was a lovely day because I did not have to leave the house at all today. This is a regular conversation between me and my psychologist. Having had full-blown agoraphobia before, my reluctance to leave the house, and my difficulty doing so is of some concern to her. Knowing how much worse I used to be, my current level,of anxiet at leaving the house doesn't concern me at all!
Another thing that made it a nice day is that almost no one came to the house! The dry cleaners man and the facilities director,who brought over a chimney sweep! Yep, I didn't know they were still around either.
I was able to get quite a lot done. In my som's bedroom today and am looking forward to cleaning it more tomorrow. I also have to pick a paint color for it. I have five windows in there, and six dark brown velvet curtain panels. I think I've got it figured out how to handle that. I have to pick a paint color and, hopefully, will have it painted and clean before our guests get here Thursday. Oh, that reminds me ... I need some sheets. Doubletree has promised to have us the mattress here in time!
My husband and I went to a nearby village for dinner at a nice cafe. I had the lobster tacos and the grilled shrimp on arugula with tomatoes and white cannellini beans, the same salad I had for lunch yesterday.
I picked a shower curtain today for the bathroom that goes with my study. It's a beautiful Celtic design in luscious shades of ourple and blue that I think will tie together the lavender in my study with the blue tile in the bathroom.
My husband has a very full day and evening tomorrow, so I should be able to get a lot done tomorrow!
The klonopin is building up some and the anxiety is going down, but there's still a ways to go.
Cheers!
Lisa
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Day 236 - Some Insights Today
Day ... -
Dear Reader,
Interesting day. Gave me a lot to think about. I woke up around 8:30 and almost felt like I could get up. But I fell back asleep and slept till around 10:30. I was disappointed in myself for falling back asleep for so long, but it had decided to let it new one of those days when I let myself just sleep till I woke up. But then, I didn't get up. I just laid there looking out towards the staircase through one door, and through the dressing room and down a hall through the other door, full of a deep hesitancy to get out of bed. I tried to examine it and figure out what I was feeling and realized that it was fear. I think I've talked about this before, that I used to just stay in bed for hours during the summer because it was safe in bed. My mother never made us get up for some reason. If it was the weekend, she would be screaming at my dad, so the bed was for sure the safest place to be. I tried to examine the fear some more and realized that I could feel the fear in my stomach. I've been asked for and heard people talk about where they felt fear, and that never made sense to me until now.
I had a revelation, though. I realized that I was, by staying in bed, continuing to enact the role of the victim, the child who was the victims of her mother's mental illness. But by staying in bed now, as an adult, I am still acting like a victim. To get up and be in charge of my day would be enacting the role of the heroine, the adult who was no ones victim and was in charge of her life and home. By caving to the feeling of fear and staying in bed, I was actually reinforcing my prior victimization. Safety no longer lies in remaining in bed. Safety lies in inhabiting my role as the woman who is no longer under the domination of a seriously mentally I'll mother.
There was a lot more today, but I'm ready to go to sleep. The power is out and I have no internet and no husband (he's at an event) so I'm going on to sleep.
Hope all is well in your world!
Lisa
Dear Reader,
Interesting day. Gave me a lot to think about. I woke up around 8:30 and almost felt like I could get up. But I fell back asleep and slept till around 10:30. I was disappointed in myself for falling back asleep for so long, but it had decided to let it new one of those days when I let myself just sleep till I woke up. But then, I didn't get up. I just laid there looking out towards the staircase through one door, and through the dressing room and down a hall through the other door, full of a deep hesitancy to get out of bed. I tried to examine it and figure out what I was feeling and realized that it was fear. I think I've talked about this before, that I used to just stay in bed for hours during the summer because it was safe in bed. My mother never made us get up for some reason. If it was the weekend, she would be screaming at my dad, so the bed was for sure the safest place to be. I tried to examine the fear some more and realized that I could feel the fear in my stomach. I've been asked for and heard people talk about where they felt fear, and that never made sense to me until now.
I had a revelation, though. I realized that I was, by staying in bed, continuing to enact the role of the victim, the child who was the victims of her mother's mental illness. But by staying in bed now, as an adult, I am still acting like a victim. To get up and be in charge of my day would be enacting the role of the heroine, the adult who was no ones victim and was in charge of her life and home. By caving to the feeling of fear and staying in bed, I was actually reinforcing my prior victimization. Safety no longer lies in remaining in bed. Safety lies in inhabiting my role as the woman who is no longer under the domination of a seriously mentally I'll mother.
There was a lot more today, but I'm ready to go to sleep. The power is out and I have no internet and no husband (he's at an event) so I'm going on to sleep.
Hope all is well in your world!
Lisa
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Day 237 - I Need a Personal Assistant!
Dear Reader,
It's not quite 11:30 and I'm trying to get to bed early tonight. I have a 9:30 AM (!) doctor's appointment tomorrow! It's the only time they have so I had to take it to get my Klonopin prescription. I also have to have the back scratch allergy test and get a place cut off of my arm that I think is probably pre-cancerous. She may decide to send me to a dermatologist, though, for it. It won't go away. I've scratched it off several times, but it keeps coming back. It's like a place I had on my leg a few years ago that was a pre-cancer spot. I can't have the MRI on my arm done until the doctor talks with the insurance company. They apparently ask a million questions before they will approve it.
I organized my giant to-do list today, and it's a scorcher, for sure. Organized, it takes up about three pages! I worked pretty steadily today, but I have this appointment and a meeting to plan the thanksgiving luncheon we are hosting for the faculty and staff.
Our new mattress should be delivered soon. They put it on sale $500 and are going to give me the sale price, so that will be great. Then I can start putting our son's bedroom together. It is still a disaster with tons of boxes in it.
I was really tired today and felt kind of sick. Probably just getting over the trip. And, yes, I am very aware that the days are ticking by without me having started exercising at all, Or, as. Y daughter would say, "I am well aware!"
I don't know how I am ever going to be settled in the house! Everything is taking so long! Right now I'm just trying to find ceiling fans for our bedroom, our daughter's bedroom, and the den ... but I'm having a really hard time finding them.
Right now the big deal is trying to figure out how to wax the hardwood floors in the main rooms before the furniture arrives. I used to do this by hand with Johnson's paste wax, but this is far too much square footage for that. And there are so many new products on the market. I'm having a had time sorting through it all. Especially with a lot of things contradicting each other.
So ... I've got a lot on my plate right now and will have at least to the end of the year.
That's it for me. Now ... I am going to put down my iPad and I am NOT going to shop anymore because I am going to go to bed NOW!
Good night!
Lisa
It's not quite 11:30 and I'm trying to get to bed early tonight. I have a 9:30 AM (!) doctor's appointment tomorrow! It's the only time they have so I had to take it to get my Klonopin prescription. I also have to have the back scratch allergy test and get a place cut off of my arm that I think is probably pre-cancerous. She may decide to send me to a dermatologist, though, for it. It won't go away. I've scratched it off several times, but it keeps coming back. It's like a place I had on my leg a few years ago that was a pre-cancer spot. I can't have the MRI on my arm done until the doctor talks with the insurance company. They apparently ask a million questions before they will approve it.
I organized my giant to-do list today, and it's a scorcher, for sure. Organized, it takes up about three pages! I worked pretty steadily today, but I have this appointment and a meeting to plan the thanksgiving luncheon we are hosting for the faculty and staff.
Our new mattress should be delivered soon. They put it on sale $500 and are going to give me the sale price, so that will be great. Then I can start putting our son's bedroom together. It is still a disaster with tons of boxes in it.
I was really tired today and felt kind of sick. Probably just getting over the trip. And, yes, I am very aware that the days are ticking by without me having started exercising at all, Or, as. Y daughter would say, "I am well aware!"
I don't know how I am ever going to be settled in the house! Everything is taking so long! Right now I'm just trying to find ceiling fans for our bedroom, our daughter's bedroom, and the den ... but I'm having a really hard time finding them.
Right now the big deal is trying to figure out how to wax the hardwood floors in the main rooms before the furniture arrives. I used to do this by hand with Johnson's paste wax, but this is far too much square footage for that. And there are so many new products on the market. I'm having a had time sorting through it all. Especially with a lot of things contradicting each other.
So ... I've got a lot on my plate right now and will have at least to the end of the year.
That's it for me. Now ... I am going to put down my iPad and I am NOT going to shop anymore because I am going to go to bed NOW!
Good night!
Lisa
Monday, October 20, 2014
Day 238 - So Glad to Be Back Home!
Dear Reader,
We had a good time at my husband's reunion. I looked great, if I do say so myself; and he did as well. It was fun getting to dance, even though they had the worst DJ EVER! Seriously. He was doing '70's music, but no one knew what the heck he was playing. If was just awful! I finally took him a list of the top 20 songs of the 70's and asked him to play them. Things got a bit better after that. But he never even played "Color My World" and that's just unforgivable!
We got home pretty late last night. I slept late, but then worked hard the rest of the day. I looked for French main course salad recipes for dinner and chose one that turned out fabulous! A definite keeper!
I'm going to try to wake up at 8:00 tomorrow. I have a horrendous to-do list for tomorrow! Probably 100 things on it! But I'm starting to make some headway. The bedroom walls are painted a soft yellow, and the ceiling an even softer yellow. So it's looking really pretty
Trying to get to sleep now, I'm out of the klonooin and I just learned that I need a written Rx every single time it is refilled! Good grief. That means I have to drive to my doctor's office again tomorrow to pick it up!
Cheers!
Lisa
We had a good time at my husband's reunion. I looked great, if I do say so myself; and he did as well. It was fun getting to dance, even though they had the worst DJ EVER! Seriously. He was doing '70's music, but no one knew what the heck he was playing. If was just awful! I finally took him a list of the top 20 songs of the 70's and asked him to play them. Things got a bit better after that. But he never even played "Color My World" and that's just unforgivable!
We got home pretty late last night. I slept late, but then worked hard the rest of the day. I looked for French main course salad recipes for dinner and chose one that turned out fabulous! A definite keeper!
I'm going to try to wake up at 8:00 tomorrow. I have a horrendous to-do list for tomorrow! Probably 100 things on it! But I'm starting to make some headway. The bedroom walls are painted a soft yellow, and the ceiling an even softer yellow. So it's looking really pretty
Trying to get to sleep now, I'm out of the klonooin and I just learned that I need a written Rx every single time it is refilled! Good grief. That means I have to drive to my doctor's office again tomorrow to pick it up!
Cheers!
Lisa
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Day 243 - A Better Day
Dear Reader,
Well, I handled today better, thank goodness. I felt really bad when I got up, but I started right in on working through the lessons I've missed. They were just what I needed, too. All about feeling stuck and unable to make progress in your life. So that was good.
There were workers everywhere in the house today! At one point, I looked upwards to someone on the stairs and my neck made a loud cracking sound and I thought I was going to pass out for a minute. He thought I was going to pass out, too, and rushed down the stairs in a panic. Wonder what that was?
I called the attorney for the city of Houston to find out what in the world was going on there. In case you haven't heard, the mayor has demanded that some of the pastors turn over their sermons to her. Yeah, right! A bunch of people have filed a lawsuit against this and I was told they weren't answering questions during the discovery stage of the suit. I knew I wouldn't be told anything. I mostly just wanted to communicate that this was garnishing national attention and that they were getting phone calls from housewives in New York, for crying out loud!
Then, I went to a Mexican food restaurant for lunch and made great choices! I had a watercress salad with roasted beets, orange segments and a vinaigrette dressing along with three chicken tacos.
Then I had a mani/pedi at a different place and really liked the Korean women there. Much friendlier than the other local place I've been to.
I went to a Jewelers to get batteries in watches and clocks and jewelry repaired, things I've had in my car for four months! Then I went to the chiropractor for an adjustment. After that I went to a health food store and bought something's for dinner. I started to buy a bison steak, until I learned it was $18! So I instead had a sweet potatoe with a veggie patty I sautéed with a bunch of mushrooms.
I got some more laundry done, cleaned the kitchen, and met with the pet sitter who will watch the animals while were gone. So, whew! Hoping to get a lot more done tomorrow and get caught up in this course.
Oh, plus ... I weighed last night because I felt like I had gained a ton of weight. But, nope. Not even a pound. Wonder why I feel so much fatter? Well, that's it for me.
Cheers!
Well, I handled today better, thank goodness. I felt really bad when I got up, but I started right in on working through the lessons I've missed. They were just what I needed, too. All about feeling stuck and unable to make progress in your life. So that was good.
There were workers everywhere in the house today! At one point, I looked upwards to someone on the stairs and my neck made a loud cracking sound and I thought I was going to pass out for a minute. He thought I was going to pass out, too, and rushed down the stairs in a panic. Wonder what that was?
I called the attorney for the city of Houston to find out what in the world was going on there. In case you haven't heard, the mayor has demanded that some of the pastors turn over their sermons to her. Yeah, right! A bunch of people have filed a lawsuit against this and I was told they weren't answering questions during the discovery stage of the suit. I knew I wouldn't be told anything. I mostly just wanted to communicate that this was garnishing national attention and that they were getting phone calls from housewives in New York, for crying out loud!
Then, I went to a Mexican food restaurant for lunch and made great choices! I had a watercress salad with roasted beets, orange segments and a vinaigrette dressing along with three chicken tacos.
Then I had a mani/pedi at a different place and really liked the Korean women there. Much friendlier than the other local place I've been to.
I went to a Jewelers to get batteries in watches and clocks and jewelry repaired, things I've had in my car for four months! Then I went to the chiropractor for an adjustment. After that I went to a health food store and bought something's for dinner. I started to buy a bison steak, until I learned it was $18! So I instead had a sweet potatoe with a veggie patty I sautéed with a bunch of mushrooms.
I got some more laundry done, cleaned the kitchen, and met with the pet sitter who will watch the animals while were gone. So, whew! Hoping to get a lot more done tomorrow and get caught up in this course.
Oh, plus ... I weighed last night because I felt like I had gained a ton of weight. But, nope. Not even a pound. Wonder why I feel so much fatter? Well, that's it for me.
Cheers!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Day 244 - Loser!!
Dear Reader,
My husband left early this morning and I had to get up early for the painters to start in my daughter's room. I didn't feel well at all today from the cold, so I didn't accomplish much of anything today. Ate shortbread cookies with Nutella this evening ... so that kind of tells you what kind of day I had. Felt very captured by poor white trash childhood and like I could never escape. The 18 years of living at home seemed interminable and it felt like I would never be able to start having my own life instead of tending to my mother. Tonight was a weak night from not feeling well and my husband gone, so I gave in to feeling helpless. Planning on a better day tomorrow.
Cheers!
Lisa
My husband left early this morning and I had to get up early for the painters to start in my daughter's room. I didn't feel well at all today from the cold, so I didn't accomplish much of anything today. Ate shortbread cookies with Nutella this evening ... so that kind of tells you what kind of day I had. Felt very captured by poor white trash childhood and like I could never escape. The 18 years of living at home seemed interminable and it felt like I would never be able to start having my own life instead of tending to my mother. Tonight was a weak night from not feeling well and my husband gone, so I gave in to feeling helpless. Planning on a better day tomorrow.
Cheers!
Lisa
Monday, October 13, 2014
Day 245 - Being Able to Go to Sleep is Interfering with My Blog!
Dear Reader,
This klonopin seems to really be helping. I don't need Xanax now to go to sleep and am able to go to sleep more like normal people. Waking up doesn't seem to be as difficult either, but I'm not sure about that yet.
News in a flash.
My husband and I are being featured in a high-society glossy magazine for this area. We may even be on the cover. They are doing an issue about power couples. That can so make me laugh to think of ME being included as part of a power couple! They have requested more pictures of us from our wedding and other things, so that sounds good, they brought a real photographer,like what you see in the movies! He must have taken a million photos. The interview went well, I don't have a problem doing that. What I do have a problem with is deciding what to wear. I ultimately tut peg ether an outfit that looked real sharp, but still looked like something I'd wear.
We leave Friday to go to our hometown for a reunion. I have come down with a cold today, so I'm hoping I get well before Friday! I've ordered an orange top on sale from Kenneth Cole and sure do hope it gets in on time or I'm not sure what I'll wear to the game. Our colors are orange and black.
We got a lot done outside for the interview and photo shoot, so all of the outside living areas are looking a lot better, which is a relief.
That's it for now.
Cheers!
Lisa
Oh, my study is actually looking like a study now! It's going to be so fabulous!
Oh, and ... I don't have a tumor in my arm. I have a torn muscle. I have to have an MRI now to find out what else is going on in there. I bet I've got some torn tumors, too. All better than having a tumor!
This klonopin seems to really be helping. I don't need Xanax now to go to sleep and am able to go to sleep more like normal people. Waking up doesn't seem to be as difficult either, but I'm not sure about that yet.
News in a flash.
My husband and I are being featured in a high-society glossy magazine for this area. We may even be on the cover. They are doing an issue about power couples. That can so make me laugh to think of ME being included as part of a power couple! They have requested more pictures of us from our wedding and other things, so that sounds good, they brought a real photographer,like what you see in the movies! He must have taken a million photos. The interview went well, I don't have a problem doing that. What I do have a problem with is deciding what to wear. I ultimately tut peg ether an outfit that looked real sharp, but still looked like something I'd wear.
We leave Friday to go to our hometown for a reunion. I have come down with a cold today, so I'm hoping I get well before Friday! I've ordered an orange top on sale from Kenneth Cole and sure do hope it gets in on time or I'm not sure what I'll wear to the game. Our colors are orange and black.
We got a lot done outside for the interview and photo shoot, so all of the outside living areas are looking a lot better, which is a relief.
That's it for now.
Cheers!
Lisa
Oh, my study is actually looking like a study now! It's going to be so fabulous!
Oh, and ... I don't have a tumor in my arm. I have a torn muscle. I have to have an MRI now to find out what else is going on in there. I bet I've got some torn tumors, too. All better than having a tumor!
Monday, October 6, 2014
Day 252 - Eventful Day
Dear Reader,
A lot happened today. We are being interviewed by this magazine this Wednesday, so I had a lot of things to arrange this morning to get the house ready. Then my daughter and I went shopping at Loft. I had a bunch of $25 off cards that I pulled out, only to find they expired last week! Boy, that hurt.
I took her to the airport and, as I was driving away, I saw a pigeon with a broken wing in the road. The porters were trying to scare it into moving out of the way of the cars and were satisfied when they got it to the curb of the sidewalk between two roads. But, I watched and saw her try to hop the curb, but not be able to, and she fell onto her back in the gutter. If you have learned anything about me, you know that it was impossible for me to leave her there. So, I found a spot where I could pull over and got a box out of my car and made me way through the cars to her. She was on her back looking terrified and one of her feet was shaking so badly. I took off the scarf I was wearing and used it to pick her up and put her in the box. Then I started the drive home with the box beside me in the seat. She scratched around some, but seemed to respond well to my voice. I called my vet, but they said they could not work on wild animals. They referred me to a bird vet, so I called them. They said they couldn't work on wild animals, either, and sent me to a nature center where they take care of wounded wild animals. They said they would call ahead and tell them I was coming. But, when I got there, way out in the country, there was no one there. I was not too pleased and called them and they said, oh yeah. We just got hold of them and they said there is no one there. So, that was helpful.
So, I brought her home and have created a small enclosed area in a Room in the basement that can be closed off with a door, along with bird seed and a shallow dish of water. I hope she is still alive tomorrow. I read up about what to do, and I may just take care of her myself. Well see.
Our daughter is still intent on moving here in November, so that is GREAT!
I have massive amount of work to do tomorrow to have the house ready for the onto shoot and interview. Plus I'm getting my hair colored and cut, getting a mani and pedi, and meeting with a stylist. So I have no idea how I'm going to pull it all off for Wednesday morning.
My husband and I went out to eat and then came home and started watching an episode of Housekeeper when we decided to take a nap. We slept there on the couch for abut an hour! Then we finished the episode and came upstairs and got ready for bed. Then I heard barking and remembered one dog was still outside. So I went to let her in and, in the process, managed to step into a fresh puddle of pee and fall down all the way to the ground, HARD, into the pee. Wearing a fresh nightgown to boot. I landed on my right hip and right shoulder, the one that's been hurting so bad, so I am not a happy camper right now.
I tried on shoes at Clark's today at the mall and not a one of them fit me. I have to have a flat pair of shoes I can walk in Manhattan comfortably in, and I need a pair of low-heeled dressy comfort shoes that I can wear with dresses to walk in the city. I have two of the five pairs of shoes I need: a nice pair of low-heeled dress shoes with ankle straps that look really nice, and a pair of black low-heeled boots, since I wore out my Born's last winter. Now I need the two pairs I just told you about and a pair of galoshes and I'll be set for the winter.
SOOO tired. Sooooo sore from falling. Sooooooo discouraged by my food allergy test. I know have 52 food sensitivities and do not know what I'm going to do.
Cheers!
Lisa
A lot happened today. We are being interviewed by this magazine this Wednesday, so I had a lot of things to arrange this morning to get the house ready. Then my daughter and I went shopping at Loft. I had a bunch of $25 off cards that I pulled out, only to find they expired last week! Boy, that hurt.
I took her to the airport and, as I was driving away, I saw a pigeon with a broken wing in the road. The porters were trying to scare it into moving out of the way of the cars and were satisfied when they got it to the curb of the sidewalk between two roads. But, I watched and saw her try to hop the curb, but not be able to, and she fell onto her back in the gutter. If you have learned anything about me, you know that it was impossible for me to leave her there. So, I found a spot where I could pull over and got a box out of my car and made me way through the cars to her. She was on her back looking terrified and one of her feet was shaking so badly. I took off the scarf I was wearing and used it to pick her up and put her in the box. Then I started the drive home with the box beside me in the seat. She scratched around some, but seemed to respond well to my voice. I called my vet, but they said they could not work on wild animals. They referred me to a bird vet, so I called them. They said they couldn't work on wild animals, either, and sent me to a nature center where they take care of wounded wild animals. They said they would call ahead and tell them I was coming. But, when I got there, way out in the country, there was no one there. I was not too pleased and called them and they said, oh yeah. We just got hold of them and they said there is no one there. So, that was helpful.
So, I brought her home and have created a small enclosed area in a Room in the basement that can be closed off with a door, along with bird seed and a shallow dish of water. I hope she is still alive tomorrow. I read up about what to do, and I may just take care of her myself. Well see.
Our daughter is still intent on moving here in November, so that is GREAT!
I have massive amount of work to do tomorrow to have the house ready for the onto shoot and interview. Plus I'm getting my hair colored and cut, getting a mani and pedi, and meeting with a stylist. So I have no idea how I'm going to pull it all off for Wednesday morning.
My husband and I went out to eat and then came home and started watching an episode of Housekeeper when we decided to take a nap. We slept there on the couch for abut an hour! Then we finished the episode and came upstairs and got ready for bed. Then I heard barking and remembered one dog was still outside. So I went to let her in and, in the process, managed to step into a fresh puddle of pee and fall down all the way to the ground, HARD, into the pee. Wearing a fresh nightgown to boot. I landed on my right hip and right shoulder, the one that's been hurting so bad, so I am not a happy camper right now.
I tried on shoes at Clark's today at the mall and not a one of them fit me. I have to have a flat pair of shoes I can walk in Manhattan comfortably in, and I need a pair of low-heeled dressy comfort shoes that I can wear with dresses to walk in the city. I have two of the five pairs of shoes I need: a nice pair of low-heeled dress shoes with ankle straps that look really nice, and a pair of black low-heeled boots, since I wore out my Born's last winter. Now I need the two pairs I just told you about and a pair of galoshes and I'll be set for the winter.
SOOO tired. Sooooo sore from falling. Sooooooo discouraged by my food allergy test. I know have 52 food sensitivities and do not know what I'm going to do.
Cheers!
Lisa
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Day 253 - Ready for the New Week!
Dear Reader,
Believe it or not, I'm excited about the new week. I know ... A your jaw is dropping!
My daughter and I will be going shopping tomorrow, and hopefully getting desperately needed mani/pedis! He flight home is around 5:00. I'll be stopping to pick up something easy for dinner, and my husband has agreed to go back to the dining table for dinners, instead of eating in front of the tv. Then I'll clean the kitchen, bathe, and put on a pretty nightgown, and then watch some tv. I think well get our schedules closer together doing this.
The immersion program I joined begins tomorrow with the first lesson for the first week. I'm really looking forward to this.
I stayed home today while my husband and daughter went into Manhattan to go to sons museums.I worked like crazy to get the house just picked up and laundry done. My back got to spasming, but has calmed down now. But the house cleaners come tomorrow and the house is actually completely picked up so they will be able to actually clean!
We're going to be interviewed by a "high society" magazine as a "power couple"! It's a huge, huge thing for our college to get this chance to open itself up to the community, and I'm excited abut doing it. A hair stylist will be coming and a makeup artist. I'm meeting with a nordstrom stylist to pick out what to wear. The only problem is I realized that they keep almost no 16 clothes in stock, so I ordered a really pretty dress today from Nordstrom, and a dress and top I saw at Kenneth Cole's store by Grand Central Station. They said they didn't have them in XL, but they did online. Now, if only something will get in on Tuesday. The interview is at 10:30, which is not goo news, since I'm not usually fully awake at that time and certainly not feeling perky!
The interview will be at out house. We will sit on ... I don't know what! We have no furniture yet!
The baby grand looks wonderful, super happy with it.
I've got to get my eating and working out to start happening. This week!
Oh, and really good news! I'm not needing Xanax to go to sleep for the last several days. Awesome, huh?
Have a great week!
Lisa
Believe it or not, I'm excited about the new week. I know ... A your jaw is dropping!
My daughter and I will be going shopping tomorrow, and hopefully getting desperately needed mani/pedis! He flight home is around 5:00. I'll be stopping to pick up something easy for dinner, and my husband has agreed to go back to the dining table for dinners, instead of eating in front of the tv. Then I'll clean the kitchen, bathe, and put on a pretty nightgown, and then watch some tv. I think well get our schedules closer together doing this.
The immersion program I joined begins tomorrow with the first lesson for the first week. I'm really looking forward to this.
I stayed home today while my husband and daughter went into Manhattan to go to sons museums.I worked like crazy to get the house just picked up and laundry done. My back got to spasming, but has calmed down now. But the house cleaners come tomorrow and the house is actually completely picked up so they will be able to actually clean!
We're going to be interviewed by a "high society" magazine as a "power couple"! It's a huge, huge thing for our college to get this chance to open itself up to the community, and I'm excited abut doing it. A hair stylist will be coming and a makeup artist. I'm meeting with a nordstrom stylist to pick out what to wear. The only problem is I realized that they keep almost no 16 clothes in stock, so I ordered a really pretty dress today from Nordstrom, and a dress and top I saw at Kenneth Cole's store by Grand Central Station. They said they didn't have them in XL, but they did online. Now, if only something will get in on Tuesday. The interview is at 10:30, which is not goo news, since I'm not usually fully awake at that time and certainly not feeling perky!
The interview will be at out house. We will sit on ... I don't know what! We have no furniture yet!
The baby grand looks wonderful, super happy with it.
I've got to get my eating and working out to start happening. This week!
Oh, and really good news! I'm not needing Xanax to go to sleep for the last several days. Awesome, huh?
Have a great week!
Lisa
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Day 257 - Good Day!
Dear Reader,
I know you are gasping at my heading for this post. Usually I'm whining and complaining by this time of night! But today was a fun day.
Workers came to the he's early and started drilling holes in the ceiling of the room right under me, but I was able to stay sleeping for the most part. They had to break through a ton of plaster to get wiring through in order to be able to hang a light fixture in the living room. It's going to make such a huge difference. I'm also having a new fixture added to the large entry which is lit only by two sconces. They got those things done and I'm pretty excited. There's a lot of re-sheet rocking that has to be done, but ... that's just the way it is. Tomorrow they are going to put a light fixture in the ceiling of my bedroom. I can't wait to get a ceiling fan with a light fixture in here. It's soooo dark in their right now. I've found a beautiful white shabby chic ceiling fan I'm going to get to go in here which will look wonderful.
The other great thing that happened is we got our baby grand piano delivered today! My husband was able to find a used Kawai at a fantastic price. It looks beautiful and sounds great!
My daughter and I went to a CAbi dealer. If her not familiar, this is a clothing line that is only sold privately by dealers. The designer, Carol Anderson, designs a spring and fall line each year which I almost always love. I like the pants because they fit me better than any others, so I ordered three pants and two tops. She had samples from previous seasons on sale and I were able to get our daughter several items for next-to-nothing. Blouses were $10, a great skirt was $15, and a $200 jacket was marked down to $34, I think.
She's looking at jobs up here now. Chanel has a position for a graphic designer! They want more experience than she has, but she's going to apply anyway. Tommy Hilfiger has a position, also.
My husband and I found out that a fancy, glossy, regional magazine is going to do an article about us as a "power couple"! Crazy! I'm going to be meeting with a stylist, apparently. That's going to happen next week. Thank goodness I already had a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow!
My brother responded to my email pretty angrily. I sent a response back, addressing each of his arguments, except for one which was just an insult. I haven't looked today to see if he responded back or not. But it's a little weird because he sent my husband a Facebook friend request yesterday. What's that about??
And ... I DEFEATED the evil Department of Motor Vehicles!! I did go to the other town and got everything done without a single hitch. Thank goodness! The town is very poor and a little freaky in places. It looked like a good setting for a zombie movie!
But, while I was leaving the dmv, a young man came up to me asking for money. I had five dollars which I gave him and we had a long talk. His mother died three years ago and he fell apart. Started doing drugs and became addicted. Lost everything he had, including his career as an underwear model (not something you hear everyday!)and is now homeless. His dad is an addict and doesn't want him to come home. His parole officer is recommending that he go to jail for six months to take care of some misdemeanors he has, get off the street and have food, and get six months sobriety under his belt. We talked about it and I encouraged him to do this. I asked him if he was at peace with God which opened up a great conversation in which I was able to affirm how dearly he was loved by God and how eager He was to forgive his sins and guide him. He let me pray for him and I felt such love for him. Poor homeless, motherless young man! I gave him my cell and asked him to call me before he goes into jail so that I can bring him things he needs and go visit him. And I got his name in case I don't hear from him so I can follow up. I have him a hug and he said he needed that so badly. Our son has made some bad decisions and gotten into some trouble, but he always had us standing with him, loving him, and encouraging him. So it breaks my heart to think of this kid with no one. If you pray, please pray for him. His name is Rob.
We came home and went to eat at a Greek restaurant we all like and then watched a House MD and a Sherlock. So ... fun day. Only problem now is ... WHAT WILL I WEAR FOR THE PHOTO SHOOT!!! Do you have any IDEA the amount of time and energy I can pour into something like this?? Of course you do!
Well, that's it for me.
Cheers!
Lisa
I know you are gasping at my heading for this post. Usually I'm whining and complaining by this time of night! But today was a fun day.
Workers came to the he's early and started drilling holes in the ceiling of the room right under me, but I was able to stay sleeping for the most part. They had to break through a ton of plaster to get wiring through in order to be able to hang a light fixture in the living room. It's going to make such a huge difference. I'm also having a new fixture added to the large entry which is lit only by two sconces. They got those things done and I'm pretty excited. There's a lot of re-sheet rocking that has to be done, but ... that's just the way it is. Tomorrow they are going to put a light fixture in the ceiling of my bedroom. I can't wait to get a ceiling fan with a light fixture in here. It's soooo dark in their right now. I've found a beautiful white shabby chic ceiling fan I'm going to get to go in here which will look wonderful.
The other great thing that happened is we got our baby grand piano delivered today! My husband was able to find a used Kawai at a fantastic price. It looks beautiful and sounds great!
My daughter and I went to a CAbi dealer. If her not familiar, this is a clothing line that is only sold privately by dealers. The designer, Carol Anderson, designs a spring and fall line each year which I almost always love. I like the pants because they fit me better than any others, so I ordered three pants and two tops. She had samples from previous seasons on sale and I were able to get our daughter several items for next-to-nothing. Blouses were $10, a great skirt was $15, and a $200 jacket was marked down to $34, I think.
She's looking at jobs up here now. Chanel has a position for a graphic designer! They want more experience than she has, but she's going to apply anyway. Tommy Hilfiger has a position, also.
My husband and I found out that a fancy, glossy, regional magazine is going to do an article about us as a "power couple"! Crazy! I'm going to be meeting with a stylist, apparently. That's going to happen next week. Thank goodness I already had a hair appointment scheduled for tomorrow!
My brother responded to my email pretty angrily. I sent a response back, addressing each of his arguments, except for one which was just an insult. I haven't looked today to see if he responded back or not. But it's a little weird because he sent my husband a Facebook friend request yesterday. What's that about??
And ... I DEFEATED the evil Department of Motor Vehicles!! I did go to the other town and got everything done without a single hitch. Thank goodness! The town is very poor and a little freaky in places. It looked like a good setting for a zombie movie!
But, while I was leaving the dmv, a young man came up to me asking for money. I had five dollars which I gave him and we had a long talk. His mother died three years ago and he fell apart. Started doing drugs and became addicted. Lost everything he had, including his career as an underwear model (not something you hear everyday!)and is now homeless. His dad is an addict and doesn't want him to come home. His parole officer is recommending that he go to jail for six months to take care of some misdemeanors he has, get off the street and have food, and get six months sobriety under his belt. We talked about it and I encouraged him to do this. I asked him if he was at peace with God which opened up a great conversation in which I was able to affirm how dearly he was loved by God and how eager He was to forgive his sins and guide him. He let me pray for him and I felt such love for him. Poor homeless, motherless young man! I gave him my cell and asked him to call me before he goes into jail so that I can bring him things he needs and go visit him. And I got his name in case I don't hear from him so I can follow up. I have him a hug and he said he needed that so badly. Our son has made some bad decisions and gotten into some trouble, but he always had us standing with him, loving him, and encouraging him. So it breaks my heart to think of this kid with no one. If you pray, please pray for him. His name is Rob.
We came home and went to eat at a Greek restaurant we all like and then watched a House MD and a Sherlock. So ... fun day. Only problem now is ... WHAT WILL I WEAR FOR THE PHOTO SHOOT!!! Do you have any IDEA the amount of time and energy I can pour into something like this?? Of course you do!
Well, that's it for me.
Cheers!
Lisa
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