Dear Friend,
I am super tired, so this will be fast. I want you to know that I was awake, feeling pretty good, and DRESSED by 8:30 this morning! It was unbelievable! And I've stayed awake all day. I am super tired because I had two doctor's appointments out of town and had to do some serious shopping at Bed, Bath &Beyond to get the bathroom ready for our guest coming. I think I found a great shower curtain that will work with the very bright and cheerful duvet in the bedroom. Now if they will only get the curtains hung in time!Then had to rush home and change and give a reception for about 30 people and stay in my feet in heels for about three hours. ouch!!
Workers came to the house under the new agenda Tuesday and got a start on all the electrical problems. Of course, as soon as they'd open something up, they'd find a new problem. But the usual chandelier/light fixture I got for the dressing room has been installed along with the large medallion, and it is gorgeous!
I think this new beta blocker is helping me feel much better. Instead of fighting to wake up I'm just ... you know ... waking up! I am very encouraged.
I have to pick out a ceiling fan for the den IMMEDIATELY and a rug runner for the back staircase IMMEDIATELY if I want them installed before the conference.
Our daughter had an interview yesterday with a MAJOR employer and it went really well. They told her she is a strong candidate but there are more interviews to go before they start to make a decision. Pray, please!
My brother called and then texted me today. The crazy brother, not the sort-of crazy brother. And, guess what?? HE HAS WRITTEN A BOOK!!! Oh, my gosh. He was at. Book store and wanted me to tell him what book to get that would teach him grammar and punctuation and technical writing and how to keep a storyline going. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! He said he would send me a copy and I suggested that that might not be a good idea. I don't want to read it because I suspect it will be some political diatribe, plus I would start editing it and he would get mad because he says I act like I'm smarter than him. NEWS FLASH ... I AM SMARTER THAN HIM! So, I told him that, instead of a book, he needs and editor and told him about some websites and suggested he find out what people charge, and then offer our son somewhat less to edit it for him. I can't wait to tell my son!!! He's going to want to kill me!
Well, Im about to die I'm so tired. Receptions just exhaust me. But it went really well and I think people are just amazed that we are reaching out to the community. Oh, one man asked me to tell him about me. I stumbled on that and he said, tell me something you're interested in. So I said, "I LOVE THEOLOGY!" Then went on about how much I love it and am planning on going to seminary in the fall and about teaching the prologue of John, etc. He said he had literally never heard anyone say that before. Well ... duh!
Cheers!
Lisa
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Day 122 - Picked the Towel Back Up
Dear Friend,
I'm feeling a bit better. Yesterday wasn't a great day emotionally, still pretty depressed, but I did make a big dent in the laundry. Today was a little bit better, too. I stayed in my nightgown almost all day, the most sure-fire way to get me to work diligently on one task. I attacked the contents of a large armoire in our son's room. I went through and organized all the video games in there and separating out the boxes that no longer had their discs in them. I found yet another box full of cables and went through them and got them sorted and organized and stored in zip-loc bags. I checked with my husband and son about a lot of the game machines, etc. and am giving away a fair amount of them. The library is virtually finished. Our sons room is getting very close. I have to the dust ruffle on the bed and find the European shams. I finally got the pillows, but now I can't find the fans. I have to unload one of the bookcases, move it it of the way, and then move the chest of drawers and out on its mirror frame and mirror. I also have to order new handles for it. I've saved the missing handles, but the things the handles fit in are gone. Oak is kind of out-of-style right now. I wonder if I could get some sort of handles that would update it some. Maybe some oil-ribbed bronze in a Mission Style?
And, THEN ... I have to move the huge Rmoire to the corner of the room, then move the bookcase into its new place and reload it with the books, hopefully organizing them some while I'm at it.
And ... guess who gets to help me do this?? MY HUSBAND! He said I can't ask the college facilities people to help me with things like this, so ... !
I also need to get him to carry a whole bunch of boxes I have packed up for Salvation Army down to my car.
I figure that one of the reasons I'm getting so depressed is that all this unpacking is taking me so long since I now have to do all the housework, laundry, cooking, cleaning the refrigerator, ironing and steaming clothes, etc. I can only swing in some unpacking as I am able and I'm not getting any exercising done at all. So each day I'm just getting up to another impossibly huge to-do list. No wonder I'm pretty downhearted.
I'm giving one large reception this week and am meeting with two different college girls who I think may be interested in being mentored ... which I would love. That's something I have done a lot of and am very committed to.
So, my attitude is better, but my to do list for tomorrow is still impossible. Wish I could stay in my nightgown tomorrow, but that won't work.
I hope you had a good weekend and are ready for the week holds. I'm not ... but I hope you are!
Lisa
I'm feeling a bit better. Yesterday wasn't a great day emotionally, still pretty depressed, but I did make a big dent in the laundry. Today was a little bit better, too. I stayed in my nightgown almost all day, the most sure-fire way to get me to work diligently on one task. I attacked the contents of a large armoire in our son's room. I went through and organized all the video games in there and separating out the boxes that no longer had their discs in them. I found yet another box full of cables and went through them and got them sorted and organized and stored in zip-loc bags. I checked with my husband and son about a lot of the game machines, etc. and am giving away a fair amount of them. The library is virtually finished. Our sons room is getting very close. I have to the dust ruffle on the bed and find the European shams. I finally got the pillows, but now I can't find the fans. I have to unload one of the bookcases, move it it of the way, and then move the chest of drawers and out on its mirror frame and mirror. I also have to order new handles for it. I've saved the missing handles, but the things the handles fit in are gone. Oak is kind of out-of-style right now. I wonder if I could get some sort of handles that would update it some. Maybe some oil-ribbed bronze in a Mission Style?
And, THEN ... I have to move the huge Rmoire to the corner of the room, then move the bookcase into its new place and reload it with the books, hopefully organizing them some while I'm at it.
And ... guess who gets to help me do this?? MY HUSBAND! He said I can't ask the college facilities people to help me with things like this, so ... !
I also need to get him to carry a whole bunch of boxes I have packed up for Salvation Army down to my car.
I figure that one of the reasons I'm getting so depressed is that all this unpacking is taking me so long since I now have to do all the housework, laundry, cooking, cleaning the refrigerator, ironing and steaming clothes, etc. I can only swing in some unpacking as I am able and I'm not getting any exercising done at all. So each day I'm just getting up to another impossibly huge to-do list. No wonder I'm pretty downhearted.
I'm giving one large reception this week and am meeting with two different college girls who I think may be interested in being mentored ... which I would love. That's something I have done a lot of and am very committed to.
So, my attitude is better, but my to do list for tomorrow is still impossible. Wish I could stay in my nightgown tomorrow, but that won't work.
I hope you had a good weekend and are ready for the week holds. I'm not ... but I hope you are!
Lisa
Friday, February 20, 2015
Day 124 -Throwing In the Towel
Dear Friend,
This will be brief. I am so extremely discouraged right now. This has been a pretty major meltdown/loss of nerve day with a lot of depression.
I didn't have any cortisol this morning to take ... so I didn't wake up until noon. That was twelve hours of sleep with a radio alarm playing loudly right by my head with the wake-up light on in my face until it turned off after an hour and a half without even razing me. I was so discouraged, I just want to give up. I feel like I want to go to a deserted cabin in some woods for a couple of weeks and just wail and cry and pray until I get something somehow FIXED inside.
I don't know what to do. At all. What am I supposed to DO???
I tell myself 1) you've gotten to a specialist finally, 2) you have a lead on two churches, 3) you have a lead on a women's Bible study, 4) you are nearly through unpacking the top two stories of the house, 5) you're planning on going to seminary part-time in the fall, 6) I've made a lot of progress decorating the top story of the house, 7) I've got a pretty good doctor.
But it's not helping.
I can't have the autonomic nervous system disorder tested until the middle of April. The nephrologist my doctor wants me to see doesn't take referrals from anyone except liver doctors.
And it doesn't help that we went to a restaurant tonight where I had a salad with a vinaigrette and within two bites a whole bunch of taste buds fell off! Have you heard of this? It's called geographic tongue because the patches where your taste buds fall off look sort of like a map. To some person who had a really strange imagination. Hurts really bad when this happens and that patch of the tongue becomes completely smooth and shiny until the taste buds grow back.
And now, when I tried to lay down my uvula was spasming and "popping" against my hard palate, I guess.
I am at the end of my wits and have used up what bit of courage I had.
Lisa
This will be brief. I am so extremely discouraged right now. This has been a pretty major meltdown/loss of nerve day with a lot of depression.
I didn't have any cortisol this morning to take ... so I didn't wake up until noon. That was twelve hours of sleep with a radio alarm playing loudly right by my head with the wake-up light on in my face until it turned off after an hour and a half without even razing me. I was so discouraged, I just want to give up. I feel like I want to go to a deserted cabin in some woods for a couple of weeks and just wail and cry and pray until I get something somehow FIXED inside.
I don't know what to do. At all. What am I supposed to DO???
I tell myself 1) you've gotten to a specialist finally, 2) you have a lead on two churches, 3) you have a lead on a women's Bible study, 4) you are nearly through unpacking the top two stories of the house, 5) you're planning on going to seminary part-time in the fall, 6) I've made a lot of progress decorating the top story of the house, 7) I've got a pretty good doctor.
But it's not helping.
I can't have the autonomic nervous system disorder tested until the middle of April. The nephrologist my doctor wants me to see doesn't take referrals from anyone except liver doctors.
And it doesn't help that we went to a restaurant tonight where I had a salad with a vinaigrette and within two bites a whole bunch of taste buds fell off! Have you heard of this? It's called geographic tongue because the patches where your taste buds fall off look sort of like a map. To some person who had a really strange imagination. Hurts really bad when this happens and that patch of the tongue becomes completely smooth and shiny until the taste buds grow back.
And now, when I tried to lay down my uvula was spasming and "popping" against my hard palate, I guess.
I am at the end of my wits and have used up what bit of courage I had.
Lisa
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Day 125 - Too Busy to Accomplish Anything of Importance
Dear Friend,
Let's see if I can sum up my day for you. Hard time waking up, stayed in bed doing Facebook etc until I felt able (and willing) to get up and face the day. I read over and over that people with dysautonomia are not morning people! That is so true!
But, I got up, got dressed, took care of the dogs, cleaned up the poop that dropped from my incontinent's dog's diaper, my daily morning task! No wonder I don't want to get up. Then I made coffee and a Glutino English muffin (soooo good!) and went upstairs to my study. I read my Bible and prayed. Noticing a lot of things about David and Solomon that I had not noticed before. I defrosted homeless, skinless chicken drumsticks and out them in a slow-cooker to make pulled BBQ chicken. Realized I was about to be late for my psychoogist's appointment, so I there on my makeup and rolled my hair real fast and headed out. After seeing her, I got some packages mailed at the post office and UPS, returned some dog things to a pet store, and found storage things to put the zillions of computer games we have in to organize them. Drove home, ran into the grocery store, came home, fixed dinner, ate and watched Nashville and the very first episode of House. Bathed, came to bed.
Really exciting, huh??! I fixed a really healthy meal, at least. But I didn't get a single thing done on the house or take care of any of the things that are on my huge to-do list. I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, except to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions and to the grocery store for some milk and stuff for dinner. I'd like to think that I can really work on those rooms... But I also have a ton of laundry to do and then, that huge to-do list from yesterday. So, I'll be juggling the urgent versus the important all day long tomorrow, it looks like.
I did a little research last night and found that dysautonomia is associated with celiac disease. I don't think I really understand what that is. I had been thinking of Chrone's Disease. If you have wheat and gluten allergies, you she'd be tested for celiac, and apparently that is done by having an endoscopy and a biopsy drawn. More fun.
I also found that dysautonomia is associated with and, in facts causes anxiety! When your blood has pooled because your veins are too loose and you are losing blood plasma through the vein walls, your body releases epinephrine and norepinephrine to try to fix this. and that produces the feeling of anxiety and panic. This is interesting because it would explain those times when I am hugely anxious for no reason and I can't do anything to stop it.
So, there's my daily report! Hope you are doing well.
Cheers!
Lisa
Let's see if I can sum up my day for you. Hard time waking up, stayed in bed doing Facebook etc until I felt able (and willing) to get up and face the day. I read over and over that people with dysautonomia are not morning people! That is so true!
But, I got up, got dressed, took care of the dogs, cleaned up the poop that dropped from my incontinent's dog's diaper, my daily morning task! No wonder I don't want to get up. Then I made coffee and a Glutino English muffin (soooo good!) and went upstairs to my study. I read my Bible and prayed. Noticing a lot of things about David and Solomon that I had not noticed before. I defrosted homeless, skinless chicken drumsticks and out them in a slow-cooker to make pulled BBQ chicken. Realized I was about to be late for my psychoogist's appointment, so I there on my makeup and rolled my hair real fast and headed out. After seeing her, I got some packages mailed at the post office and UPS, returned some dog things to a pet store, and found storage things to put the zillions of computer games we have in to organize them. Drove home, ran into the grocery store, came home, fixed dinner, ate and watched Nashville and the very first episode of House. Bathed, came to bed.
Really exciting, huh??! I fixed a really healthy meal, at least. But I didn't get a single thing done on the house or take care of any of the things that are on my huge to-do list. I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow, except to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions and to the grocery store for some milk and stuff for dinner. I'd like to think that I can really work on those rooms... But I also have a ton of laundry to do and then, that huge to-do list from yesterday. So, I'll be juggling the urgent versus the important all day long tomorrow, it looks like.
I did a little research last night and found that dysautonomia is associated with celiac disease. I don't think I really understand what that is. I had been thinking of Chrone's Disease. If you have wheat and gluten allergies, you she'd be tested for celiac, and apparently that is done by having an endoscopy and a biopsy drawn. More fun.
I also found that dysautonomia is associated with and, in facts causes anxiety! When your blood has pooled because your veins are too loose and you are losing blood plasma through the vein walls, your body releases epinephrine and norepinephrine to try to fix this. and that produces the feeling of anxiety and panic. This is interesting because it would explain those times when I am hugely anxious for no reason and I can't do anything to stop it.
So, there's my daily report! Hope you are doing well.
Cheers!
Lisa
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Day 126 - Saw the Neurologist
Dear Friend,
well, I drove into Manhattan all by myself yesterday! I was only supposed to drive to the Upper West Side, but I wound up driving to Midtown West by accident. I put in W 168th street to my google map, but I have to use this invulnerable iPad cover because I've dropped and ruined ... a few ... so far. It has a thick sheet of plastic over the front and it's hard to get it to always sense your touch. So instead of "168th Street" it took me to "68th" street. So, that was lots of fun. But at least I did drive in to almost the bottom of Central Park. And Manhattan is WAAAAY easier to navigate than Nashville!
Anyway, called to say I'd be late and they said no problem. So is signed in at 3:25 instead of 3:00. Not too bad in my world! But then, the receptionist didn't enter me into the system! And she never took note that all these names under the list had been peeled off of the list, but my name was still sitting there!! So it was TWO HOURS after my appointment time that I finally saw the doctor.
I was impressed with both him and his resident. One question he asked me was if I had balance problems. I said not really, but I run into things constantly, like door frames and beds and chairs and counters and car doors, etc! Then I realized that I do get wobbly sometimes and have to reach out and touch things. He's going to bring in a nephrologist to consult because he thinks there may be a connection between my kidney problems and this autonomic nervous system (ANS) problem. He said done things that make it sound like a kidney biopsy is in my future, and won't that be fun with no local anesthesia! I had three breast biopsies with nothing but my husband's hand, but it actually wasn't nearly as bad as the prolotherapy injections. Maybe they have toughened me up enough that this won't be too bad.
Regarding the idea of whether I am producing antibodies to attack the neurotransmitters is a real possibility. He said it's pretty rare, but so is angioedema, Ehler's-Danlos Syndrome and dysautonomia! That would explain why my inflammation levels are so high, also, and why I can't get it down by avoiding all of my food allergies.
They also did a general neuro exam. Apparently I've got some neuropathy started in my lower legs, and I don't have an ankle reflex at all.
By the time we were done, the desk had closed down, so they didn't give me my parking voucher so I had to pay $29 to get my car out.
But I got home safely and didn't even run out of gas!
I did some more looking last night at churches in the upper West Side of Manhattan. Turns out First Baptist Churxh is there, where I went to by mistake. It was founded in 1740. I called today to see if they had a woman's Bible Study and they don't. They don't even have couple's Sunday school classes. It's all split up and men meet separately than women, largely so women who are coming without their spouses won't feel awkward. Apparently they are a pretty small congregation, but he suggested I call a different church and, sure enough, they have NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE women's Bible studies a week!
So, I'll be checking those out soon.
Cheers!
Lisa
well, I drove into Manhattan all by myself yesterday! I was only supposed to drive to the Upper West Side, but I wound up driving to Midtown West by accident. I put in W 168th street to my google map, but I have to use this invulnerable iPad cover because I've dropped and ruined ... a few ... so far. It has a thick sheet of plastic over the front and it's hard to get it to always sense your touch. So instead of "168th Street" it took me to "68th" street. So, that was lots of fun. But at least I did drive in to almost the bottom of Central Park. And Manhattan is WAAAAY easier to navigate than Nashville!
Anyway, called to say I'd be late and they said no problem. So is signed in at 3:25 instead of 3:00. Not too bad in my world! But then, the receptionist didn't enter me into the system! And she never took note that all these names under the list had been peeled off of the list, but my name was still sitting there!! So it was TWO HOURS after my appointment time that I finally saw the doctor.
I was impressed with both him and his resident. One question he asked me was if I had balance problems. I said not really, but I run into things constantly, like door frames and beds and chairs and counters and car doors, etc! Then I realized that I do get wobbly sometimes and have to reach out and touch things. He's going to bring in a nephrologist to consult because he thinks there may be a connection between my kidney problems and this autonomic nervous system (ANS) problem. He said done things that make it sound like a kidney biopsy is in my future, and won't that be fun with no local anesthesia! I had three breast biopsies with nothing but my husband's hand, but it actually wasn't nearly as bad as the prolotherapy injections. Maybe they have toughened me up enough that this won't be too bad.
Regarding the idea of whether I am producing antibodies to attack the neurotransmitters is a real possibility. He said it's pretty rare, but so is angioedema, Ehler's-Danlos Syndrome and dysautonomia! That would explain why my inflammation levels are so high, also, and why I can't get it down by avoiding all of my food allergies.
They also did a general neuro exam. Apparently I've got some neuropathy started in my lower legs, and I don't have an ankle reflex at all.
By the time we were done, the desk had closed down, so they didn't give me my parking voucher so I had to pay $29 to get my car out.
But I got home safely and didn't even run out of gas!
I did some more looking last night at churches in the upper West Side of Manhattan. Turns out First Baptist Churxh is there, where I went to by mistake. It was founded in 1740. I called today to see if they had a woman's Bible Study and they don't. They don't even have couple's Sunday school classes. It's all split up and men meet separately than women, largely so women who are coming without their spouses won't feel awkward. Apparently they are a pretty small congregation, but he suggested I call a different church and, sure enough, they have NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE women's Bible studies a week!
So, I'll be checking those out soon.
Cheers!
Lisa
Monday, February 16, 2015
Day 128 - Second Arc of New, Fulfilled, Organized Life Plan!
Dear Friend,
Last week definitely had it's challenges. For one thing, depression was bad and anxiety was high. I am such an empath. I spent years trying to beat it out of me, but it's part of me. And my husband is having a rough go of it getting this college turned around. So I sense immediately any irritation, anger, quick-temperedness, discouragement, etc. immediately. With me not being terribly stable right now, it triggers all of my abandonment issues and terror of conflict, etc. I had that one good day of waking up early and staying awake, but I haven't had another. In fact, the next day, I could NOT wake up at all! I never heard the alarm or even noticed the light come on for the hour and a half that it continues. And I had one dream after another after another after another of my husband breaking up with me in college. It went on until 11:30 when I managed to get myself out of sleep's clutches. It was pretty upsetting. The other days have had bad dreams, but not to the extent of this one. I don't think I got over it the whole day. I think subconsciously myhusband's preoccupation tells my fearful subconscious that he's going to break up with me. My psychologist said were going to address this this coming week.
But we had a great time for Valentine's Day and the next day was my birthday. We had a six-course dinner at a Ritz-Carlton with our daughter and then, for my birthday, just the two of us went to a charming French bistro in one of the neighboring villages where I was able to get some absinthe, which I LOVE!
We talked about what's been going on between us and I'm feeling a lot better. Feel like I kind of shaking off that depression and the blinders it had out on me where I couldn't see anything he did except in a rejection sort of way. So, I kind of feel like I'm starting fresh tomorrow.
Soooo ... I've come to a conclusion. I'm taking exercise out of the goal list for right now. I am very close to being finished with the library and my son's bedroom. And then that will leave me with one large box in my study and a small one that is full of bits and pieces from different Bible studies I've written. I came across the article I wrote that was accepted by a major Christian magazine which went under before it bought and paid for it or published it. It was so horrendously discouraging that I just put it aside for years about three years now. Well, I started reading it again and, it really is very good! Heavy on theology, but made interesting and personal because it is abut dealing with the extreme fear of death I used to have.
Anyway, I just want to finish the house really, really badly. I have the curtain rods ordered for my bedroom at last, and for our son's room. My husband is now handling the issues regarding not being able to get the company we subcontract facilitities to to come out and take care of things. Hopefully I'll start seeing some action soon. The only thin left are two light fixtures for my study, and figuring out what I want to do for window treatments in there. Rupiahs now I'm thinking some luxurious lavender drapes for the two windows in the room that has my sofa and all. And maybe just stained glass transoms in the sunroom part of the study.
I am seeing the neurology specialist in Manhattan tomorrow at long last. I hope that goes well.
I had almost decided that I wouldn't be able to go to the seminary I had picked t because it looks like all the courses I want to take are at their Manhattan campus ... and it is moving all the way south down to Block Island. But then I realized that that really wouldn't be a worse drive than going to LaGuardia, which isn't bad at all.
I ate wheat and cheese and dairy liberally over the last two days with no real I'll effects. I'm quitting now, again, though. My CRP inflammation level is back up to a 10, which is super, extremely bad.
We are having guests stay with us in March during a conference our college is putting on, and then have family coming up for my husband's inauguration ceremony in April. By then it's time to start planting every flower pot I have, and maybe starting a vegetable garden, too. I'd love to have the basement finished by then, too! (Please hear Arrowsmith singing "Dream On" in the background at the point where he's really screaming!).
Well, that's it for me. No more fighting myself to try to get myself to quit working to go to jazzercise or yoga. It's just another month, probably.
Oh, I'm getting back on Xanax at night. My psychologist said I don't have an addictive personality, I haven't become addictive, I'm taking one pill that is the smallest dosage they make, so just get back on it. So that puts me back to taking the klonopin in the morning instead of at night and that alone should make waking up easier. I sure hope so.
Good night. I hope you have a great week!
Lisa
Last week definitely had it's challenges. For one thing, depression was bad and anxiety was high. I am such an empath. I spent years trying to beat it out of me, but it's part of me. And my husband is having a rough go of it getting this college turned around. So I sense immediately any irritation, anger, quick-temperedness, discouragement, etc. immediately. With me not being terribly stable right now, it triggers all of my abandonment issues and terror of conflict, etc. I had that one good day of waking up early and staying awake, but I haven't had another. In fact, the next day, I could NOT wake up at all! I never heard the alarm or even noticed the light come on for the hour and a half that it continues. And I had one dream after another after another after another of my husband breaking up with me in college. It went on until 11:30 when I managed to get myself out of sleep's clutches. It was pretty upsetting. The other days have had bad dreams, but not to the extent of this one. I don't think I got over it the whole day. I think subconsciously myhusband's preoccupation tells my fearful subconscious that he's going to break up with me. My psychologist said were going to address this this coming week.
But we had a great time for Valentine's Day and the next day was my birthday. We had a six-course dinner at a Ritz-Carlton with our daughter and then, for my birthday, just the two of us went to a charming French bistro in one of the neighboring villages where I was able to get some absinthe, which I LOVE!
We talked about what's been going on between us and I'm feeling a lot better. Feel like I kind of shaking off that depression and the blinders it had out on me where I couldn't see anything he did except in a rejection sort of way. So, I kind of feel like I'm starting fresh tomorrow.
Soooo ... I've come to a conclusion. I'm taking exercise out of the goal list for right now. I am very close to being finished with the library and my son's bedroom. And then that will leave me with one large box in my study and a small one that is full of bits and pieces from different Bible studies I've written. I came across the article I wrote that was accepted by a major Christian magazine which went under before it bought and paid for it or published it. It was so horrendously discouraging that I just put it aside for years about three years now. Well, I started reading it again and, it really is very good! Heavy on theology, but made interesting and personal because it is abut dealing with the extreme fear of death I used to have.
Anyway, I just want to finish the house really, really badly. I have the curtain rods ordered for my bedroom at last, and for our son's room. My husband is now handling the issues regarding not being able to get the company we subcontract facilitities to to come out and take care of things. Hopefully I'll start seeing some action soon. The only thin left are two light fixtures for my study, and figuring out what I want to do for window treatments in there. Rupiahs now I'm thinking some luxurious lavender drapes for the two windows in the room that has my sofa and all. And maybe just stained glass transoms in the sunroom part of the study.
I am seeing the neurology specialist in Manhattan tomorrow at long last. I hope that goes well.
I had almost decided that I wouldn't be able to go to the seminary I had picked t because it looks like all the courses I want to take are at their Manhattan campus ... and it is moving all the way south down to Block Island. But then I realized that that really wouldn't be a worse drive than going to LaGuardia, which isn't bad at all.
I ate wheat and cheese and dairy liberally over the last two days with no real I'll effects. I'm quitting now, again, though. My CRP inflammation level is back up to a 10, which is super, extremely bad.
We are having guests stay with us in March during a conference our college is putting on, and then have family coming up for my husband's inauguration ceremony in April. By then it's time to start planting every flower pot I have, and maybe starting a vegetable garden, too. I'd love to have the basement finished by then, too! (Please hear Arrowsmith singing "Dream On" in the background at the point where he's really screaming!).
Well, that's it for me. No more fighting myself to try to get myself to quit working to go to jazzercise or yoga. It's just another month, probably.
Oh, I'm getting back on Xanax at night. My psychologist said I don't have an addictive personality, I haven't become addictive, I'm taking one pill that is the smallest dosage they make, so just get back on it. So that puts me back to taking the klonopin in the morning instead of at night and that alone should make waking up easier. I sure hope so.
Good night. I hope you have a great week!
Lisa
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Day 133 - Woke Up and Stayed Awake Today!
Dear Friend,
I really did. I stayed in bed, mind you, and looked for artwork for one particular wall in the house -- I don't know what I'm going to do here! -- and I started a new dystopian book series. Oh, I also ate my apple in bed. Ooh! Maybe I can get my husband to start bringing me coffee in bed again like he used to! That would be AWESOME!!
When I got out of bed, I felt strange, though. I felt ... relaxed? I don't know, it was kind of weird. I just sat in my favorite chair with a cup of coffee and read the novel.
I made myself eat more of a proper lunch than I've been doing. Just a romaine salad with red bell pepper and roasted chicken. I've been out of Coke Zero for more than a week, but I will be rectifying that problem tomorrow.
I kept searching for a ceiling fan for the den and, lo and behold, I finally found EXACTLY what I needed! I was so happy and even put a picture of it on Facebook. Then I started comparing prices and found out it was DISCONTINUED and out of stock everywhere!! I kept looking, though, and I think I finally found something that will be really pretty and unique.
I worked a good bit in the library and made some real progress in it. But I found that one of our cats had PEED in a basket on the floor that had a bunch of ziploc bags in it and photos!!! Fortunately for both of them, it only got all over the ziploc bags.
I was planning on finishing the library no matter what tomorrow, but then I made up my to-do list, and it may not happen after all. Were giving away almost all of our hardback novels except for John Grisham, Stephen Hunter, and Vince Flynn. I'm even giving away my Dick Francis! I've got a bunch more boxes for Salvation Army lining the hall upstairs.
Didn't go to jazz aeries because ... I didn't want to get up and go out the door and leave the house. Still a touch of agoraphobia. Still hard for me to leave the house. In fact, I've even talked my daughter into picking up our dinner items the last couple of days.
Talk to you later! Have a good night!
Lisa
I really did. I stayed in bed, mind you, and looked for artwork for one particular wall in the house -- I don't know what I'm going to do here! -- and I started a new dystopian book series. Oh, I also ate my apple in bed. Ooh! Maybe I can get my husband to start bringing me coffee in bed again like he used to! That would be AWESOME!!
When I got out of bed, I felt strange, though. I felt ... relaxed? I don't know, it was kind of weird. I just sat in my favorite chair with a cup of coffee and read the novel.
I made myself eat more of a proper lunch than I've been doing. Just a romaine salad with red bell pepper and roasted chicken. I've been out of Coke Zero for more than a week, but I will be rectifying that problem tomorrow.
I kept searching for a ceiling fan for the den and, lo and behold, I finally found EXACTLY what I needed! I was so happy and even put a picture of it on Facebook. Then I started comparing prices and found out it was DISCONTINUED and out of stock everywhere!! I kept looking, though, and I think I finally found something that will be really pretty and unique.
I worked a good bit in the library and made some real progress in it. But I found that one of our cats had PEED in a basket on the floor that had a bunch of ziploc bags in it and photos!!! Fortunately for both of them, it only got all over the ziploc bags.
I was planning on finishing the library no matter what tomorrow, but then I made up my to-do list, and it may not happen after all. Were giving away almost all of our hardback novels except for John Grisham, Stephen Hunter, and Vince Flynn. I'm even giving away my Dick Francis! I've got a bunch more boxes for Salvation Army lining the hall upstairs.
Didn't go to jazz aeries because ... I didn't want to get up and go out the door and leave the house. Still a touch of agoraphobia. Still hard for me to leave the house. In fact, I've even talked my daughter into picking up our dinner items the last couple of days.
Talk to you later! Have a good night!
Lisa
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Day 134 - Hope You Didn't Really Expect Me to Go to Manhattan Tomorrow!
Dear Friend,
As much as I would like to blink my eyes and BE at Bible Study Fellowship tomorrow ... we both know it's not going to happen! I'd have to get up too early for one thing to catch the train and it's all a little too much for me to do just yet.
I surely did take that walk yesterday ... and I surely did sprain my ankle doing so! It's all swollen and hurting today. I didn't go to jazzercise today, but it was because my doctor's appointment took too long. She is taking me off my allergy drops, she thinks I've been on them long enough. She's also taking me off my bio-identical hormone replacement cream ... she thinks my blood levels are looking right. My testosterone has come down from 90 to a normal level of 2. I'll still be taking the progesterone, which she says converts to estrogen. So, well see how this works. Let's see ... she also wants me off the Ranatidine and the Allegra, but to stay on the hydrocortisone. I'm willing to give it a try. If my reactions come back, I can always add them back in.
She said the problem with my waking up in the morning is because I'm taking the hydroxizene, and now the Melatonin and Travacore and the Klonopin ... so all of that together is being too much for me to be able to escape in the morning. She doesn't want to increase the cortisol, but she did prescribe me a new medication that she says will absolutely wake me up. She doesn't want me using it every day, though. She also told me to start taking my entire dose of welbutrin in the morning instead of taking half in the morning and half I the evening. She said it will also help wake me up. I didn't get the prescription filled yet, but plan to tomorrow. The Travacore supplement has improved my sleep so much!
She really thinks I should do the diet program that my usual doctor runs. It's kind of pricey because you get a shot each week of human growth hormone, or something like that. With a low calorie eating plan and the shot, you lose one pound a day! What the shot does is it causes your body to maintain your metabolic level despite the lessening of calories, so you get the full benefit of the diet. This doctor, the main one oh is an MD and functional medicine doctor believes that my health will improve greatly when I lose this weight. I need to lose 30-50 pounds. That would be amazing. I'm very interested in doing it.
I got some real work done in the library and in my son's room today. Soooo much more to go, but they are both beginning to appear to be possible. I hope to be able to catch up on the laundry tomorrow and work hard in these two rooms. Plus get a lot of packages taped up and MAILED!!!
I need to return some shoes and boots to Lord and Taylor, but not tomorrow. What I DID do today was get all of the boxes out of my garage and to the curb to be picked up tomorrow! You can actually see my entire garage now. I'm even close to having the counter cleaned off. There are cabinets in there, and the drawers are just right for holding wrapping paper! I'm planning on making this my gift-wrapping center.
I'm hungry again. This happened last night and I got up and ate turkey pastrami on gluten-free baguette slices with a really strong French country dressing that had so much horseradish in it! I have an apple by my bed which I am planning on eating in the morning to help me wake up.
I've been trying to be more mindful as I go through my day, really tuning in to what I'm doing, especially when I am cooking. It's not meditation, but it's still a mental discipline that I think is valuable.
I have my alarm set for 7 in the morning to take my cortisol and my welbutrin. And then I have my other alarm set for 8. What if I were actually able to get up!! Wouldn't that be amazing!
The more work I get done in these two rooms, the better I'm feeling about everything. I'll still have to go back through the entire house to get things really arranged right and to cull out stuff one more time.
I'm still at a loss about how to handle things with the facilities folks. At this point, I just don't want to call them or anything. Our next event isn't till the 28th, I think ... so I can hibernate for a bit longer.
I'm still having a hard time picking out a ceiling fan for the den. They just don't make what I want, so I'm having to just go with what I can find. I'll have to see if there is a Quorum place anywhere close. They seem to have the best fans.
I want to see a wolf so bad! No ... more than that, I want to be friends with a wolf! Shoot! I want to OWN a wolf! I just found out that there is a wolf conservancy center just 46 minutes away. So, guess where we'll be going soon! I know my husband will have the BEST TIME!! Because, you know, he loves the wilderness and the great outdoors and creatures like wolves so much. (Dripping sarcasm!)
Well, good night. I'm slightly encouraged and I hope you are being me raged as well in whatever difficulties or challenges you are facing.
Cheers!
Lisa
As much as I would like to blink my eyes and BE at Bible Study Fellowship tomorrow ... we both know it's not going to happen! I'd have to get up too early for one thing to catch the train and it's all a little too much for me to do just yet.
I surely did take that walk yesterday ... and I surely did sprain my ankle doing so! It's all swollen and hurting today. I didn't go to jazzercise today, but it was because my doctor's appointment took too long. She is taking me off my allergy drops, she thinks I've been on them long enough. She's also taking me off my bio-identical hormone replacement cream ... she thinks my blood levels are looking right. My testosterone has come down from 90 to a normal level of 2. I'll still be taking the progesterone, which she says converts to estrogen. So, well see how this works. Let's see ... she also wants me off the Ranatidine and the Allegra, but to stay on the hydrocortisone. I'm willing to give it a try. If my reactions come back, I can always add them back in.
She said the problem with my waking up in the morning is because I'm taking the hydroxizene, and now the Melatonin and Travacore and the Klonopin ... so all of that together is being too much for me to be able to escape in the morning. She doesn't want to increase the cortisol, but she did prescribe me a new medication that she says will absolutely wake me up. She doesn't want me using it every day, though. She also told me to start taking my entire dose of welbutrin in the morning instead of taking half in the morning and half I the evening. She said it will also help wake me up. I didn't get the prescription filled yet, but plan to tomorrow. The Travacore supplement has improved my sleep so much!
She really thinks I should do the diet program that my usual doctor runs. It's kind of pricey because you get a shot each week of human growth hormone, or something like that. With a low calorie eating plan and the shot, you lose one pound a day! What the shot does is it causes your body to maintain your metabolic level despite the lessening of calories, so you get the full benefit of the diet. This doctor, the main one oh is an MD and functional medicine doctor believes that my health will improve greatly when I lose this weight. I need to lose 30-50 pounds. That would be amazing. I'm very interested in doing it.
I got some real work done in the library and in my son's room today. Soooo much more to go, but they are both beginning to appear to be possible. I hope to be able to catch up on the laundry tomorrow and work hard in these two rooms. Plus get a lot of packages taped up and MAILED!!!
I need to return some shoes and boots to Lord and Taylor, but not tomorrow. What I DID do today was get all of the boxes out of my garage and to the curb to be picked up tomorrow! You can actually see my entire garage now. I'm even close to having the counter cleaned off. There are cabinets in there, and the drawers are just right for holding wrapping paper! I'm planning on making this my gift-wrapping center.
I'm hungry again. This happened last night and I got up and ate turkey pastrami on gluten-free baguette slices with a really strong French country dressing that had so much horseradish in it! I have an apple by my bed which I am planning on eating in the morning to help me wake up.
I've been trying to be more mindful as I go through my day, really tuning in to what I'm doing, especially when I am cooking. It's not meditation, but it's still a mental discipline that I think is valuable.
I have my alarm set for 7 in the morning to take my cortisol and my welbutrin. And then I have my other alarm set for 8. What if I were actually able to get up!! Wouldn't that be amazing!
The more work I get done in these two rooms, the better I'm feeling about everything. I'll still have to go back through the entire house to get things really arranged right and to cull out stuff one more time.
I'm still at a loss about how to handle things with the facilities folks. At this point, I just don't want to call them or anything. Our next event isn't till the 28th, I think ... so I can hibernate for a bit longer.
I'm still having a hard time picking out a ceiling fan for the den. They just don't make what I want, so I'm having to just go with what I can find. I'll have to see if there is a Quorum place anywhere close. They seem to have the best fans.
I want to see a wolf so bad! No ... more than that, I want to be friends with a wolf! Shoot! I want to OWN a wolf! I just found out that there is a wolf conservancy center just 46 minutes away. So, guess where we'll be going soon! I know my husband will have the BEST TIME!! Because, you know, he loves the wilderness and the great outdoors and creatures like wolves so much. (Dripping sarcasm!)
Well, good night. I'm slightly encouraged and I hope you are being me raged as well in whatever difficulties or challenges you are facing.
Cheers!
Lisa
Monday, February 9, 2015
Day 135 - Actually Walked Today!
Dear Friend,
Well, I feel like I got a lot accomplished today. I have mountains of recycling to put out for Wednesday pickup. I'll be so happy to get it out of my garage!
I didn't go to jazzercise today, but I did take a thirty-minute walk out in the freezing cold, so I'm pretty proud of,that. We were supposed to have another big winter storm yesterday and today, but it didn't happen. We got some more snow, but that was it.
Hmmmm ... not much to talk about. I just worked today and made dinner. I did get one great big box unpacked in the library. It contained several ... things. I don't know what they are. Scanners? Printers? Game player things?
I finally got my stained glass window metal edges superglued back on. I'm afraid to hang it, though. Have real difficulty believing that it will be sufficient to hold it securely. I was thinking of getting that see-through fishing line and tying it around the top to the bottom of the window and through the hooks so that it is actually holding the weight.
My doctor's flight was cancelled, so I will be seeing the main doctor tomorrow. I'm kind of glad since my confidence in the other has kind of taken a hit. That's what happens when you wait an hour and a half and she never comes out of her office.
Well, I'll say good night now. Have a great day tomorrow!
Lisa
P.S. Where is my blog from yesterday??? I wrote a long one!
Never mind! Found it!
Sent from my iPad
Well, I feel like I got a lot accomplished today. I have mountains of recycling to put out for Wednesday pickup. I'll be so happy to get it out of my garage!
I didn't go to jazzercise today, but I did take a thirty-minute walk out in the freezing cold, so I'm pretty proud of,that. We were supposed to have another big winter storm yesterday and today, but it didn't happen. We got some more snow, but that was it.
Hmmmm ... not much to talk about. I just worked today and made dinner. I did get one great big box unpacked in the library. It contained several ... things. I don't know what they are. Scanners? Printers? Game player things?
I finally got my stained glass window metal edges superglued back on. I'm afraid to hang it, though. Have real difficulty believing that it will be sufficient to hold it securely. I was thinking of getting that see-through fishing line and tying it around the top to the bottom of the window and through the hooks so that it is actually holding the weight.
My doctor's flight was cancelled, so I will be seeing the main doctor tomorrow. I'm kind of glad since my confidence in the other has kind of taken a hit. That's what happens when you wait an hour and a half and she never comes out of her office.
Well, I'll say good night now. Have a great day tomorrow!
Lisa
P.S. Where is my blog from yesterday??? I wrote a long one!
Never mind! Found it!
Sent from my iPad
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Day 136 - Better Day
Dear Friend,
I started feeling better abut things last night. Just found myself feeling cheerful again after all the chaos of last week. Then tonight my husband and I were able to sit down and talk about everything that happened last week. I told him that I felt like I had been stabbed in the back by two of the people involved who went to him and told him I was yelling at everyone and told everyone to get out and who knows what else. He hasn't decided how to handle the matter yet. But, honestly, I can't find any reason why the head of the company that takes care of facilities did not take care of things last week. I just can't figure that out unless he is a poor manager or just dithers and can't make up his mind how to prioritize things. The manager before this one took such good care of me. He wouldn't let me do anything and anything he saw me doing or found out I was going to do, he would say absolutely not! We'll do that, and would call some guys who would come take care of the matter. Now, he was not a good manager in so many other ways, but I at least felt like I was being taken care of. This guy ... it seems like he will only send someone over if there is NOTHING that needs to be done on any of the four campuses! Hopefully things will get worked out. The main person told me that he realized there was no system in place to monitor whether or not things actually got done or not. I sent an email, he told them to take care of it and just assumed that they did.
Our daughter was very depressed all day today. She said she didn't know what brought it on, but she just wanted to stay in her room. When I looked in on her it looked like she had been crying. Please pray that she gets a job soon! She said she is planning on going to church with us next week. The Koreans were much more friendly today. I guess they finally got used to enough to feel more comfortable around us.
I did get more done in the library today, but I think I'm switching back to our son's room ... if I get to work on anything extra at all. I have to spend the day getting everything ready for the cleaners to come in tomorrow, and do the laundry and go to jazzercise, and get a lot of packages packed up and taken to the post office. I have an enormous todo list ready for tomorrow. Ugh. I'll be SO FREAKING GLAD when I'm finally unpacked and organized and every spare moment to doesn't have to go into unpacking things and figuring everything out. I found a picture of a wreath I want to make for the front door for the rest of winter. Let's see if I can copy it here.
Nope! It copied, alright ... But GIGANTIC!
WTH!!i had a lot more written about this week, mostly committing to going to Bible Study Fellowship in Manhattan on Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it now. ... HOLD THE FORT! A. It's on Tuesdays and B. It starts at 9:30! It's two miles from Grand Central Terminal, so that means a taxi. So, say, twenty minutes to get off the train, get outside and catch a cab, and then ten minutes to get there. That means arriving by 9:00 am! Are people crazy?? Oh, this is not looking good. A 7:18 train will have me there at 8:07, or the 8:18 train will have me there at 9:07. Guess which one I'm going to take. Yes, the 8:18. I don't mind walking in late! To get the8:18, I need to leave the house at 8:00. I'm not usually awake at 8:00. To get dressed, makeup, hair, gather everything, feed the dogs, let them out, etc. I'm going to need to be up at 7:00. I know that's a normal time for a lot of people ... but it will be extraordinarily challenging for me.
I think it probably ends at 11:30, but I'm going to want to eat lunch in the city. So, let's say I'm ready to leave and at the terminal at 1:00. I can pick up dinner and flowers at the market in the terminal and catch a 1:20 train that arrives at 2:05. Or, if I miss that, a 2:20 that arrives at 3:05. Get off the train, walk to the car, drive home - fifteen minutes. So, home at 3:20. Sleep an hour and fix dinner? It's a doable day, but an awfully long one and will be exhausting. That means no yoga or jazzerckse or animal rescue on Wednesday. Or anything else.
What do you think? Any conceivable chance I'll do this?? Can't try this week because I have the doctor's appointment. It will either be a ton of fun and exciting,,or miserable and exhausting.
Well, that's it for me tonight. Cheers!
Lisa
I started feeling better abut things last night. Just found myself feeling cheerful again after all the chaos of last week. Then tonight my husband and I were able to sit down and talk about everything that happened last week. I told him that I felt like I had been stabbed in the back by two of the people involved who went to him and told him I was yelling at everyone and told everyone to get out and who knows what else. He hasn't decided how to handle the matter yet. But, honestly, I can't find any reason why the head of the company that takes care of facilities did not take care of things last week. I just can't figure that out unless he is a poor manager or just dithers and can't make up his mind how to prioritize things. The manager before this one took such good care of me. He wouldn't let me do anything and anything he saw me doing or found out I was going to do, he would say absolutely not! We'll do that, and would call some guys who would come take care of the matter. Now, he was not a good manager in so many other ways, but I at least felt like I was being taken care of. This guy ... it seems like he will only send someone over if there is NOTHING that needs to be done on any of the four campuses! Hopefully things will get worked out. The main person told me that he realized there was no system in place to monitor whether or not things actually got done or not. I sent an email, he told them to take care of it and just assumed that they did.
Our daughter was very depressed all day today. She said she didn't know what brought it on, but she just wanted to stay in her room. When I looked in on her it looked like she had been crying. Please pray that she gets a job soon! She said she is planning on going to church with us next week. The Koreans were much more friendly today. I guess they finally got used to enough to feel more comfortable around us.
I did get more done in the library today, but I think I'm switching back to our son's room ... if I get to work on anything extra at all. I have to spend the day getting everything ready for the cleaners to come in tomorrow, and do the laundry and go to jazzercise, and get a lot of packages packed up and taken to the post office. I have an enormous todo list ready for tomorrow. Ugh. I'll be SO FREAKING GLAD when I'm finally unpacked and organized and every spare moment to doesn't have to go into unpacking things and figuring everything out. I found a picture of a wreath I want to make for the front door for the rest of winter. Let's see if I can copy it here.
Nope! It copied, alright ... But GIGANTIC!
WTH!!i had a lot more written about this week, mostly committing to going to Bible Study Fellowship in Manhattan on Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it now.
I started feeling better abut things last night. Just found myself feeling cheerful again after all the chaos of last week. Then tonight my husband and I were able to sit down and talk about everything that happened last week. I told him that I felt like I had been stabbed in the back by two of the people involved who went to him and told him I was yelling at everyone and told everyone to get out and who knows what else. He hasn't decided how to handle the matter yet. But, honestly, I can't find any reason why the head of the company that takes care of facilities did not take care of things last week. I just can't figure that out unless he is a poor manager or just dithers and can't make up his mind how to prioritize things. The manager before this one took such good care of me. He wouldn't let me do anything and anything he saw me doing or found out I was going to do, he would say absolutely not! We'll do that, and would call some guys who would come take care of the matter. Now, he was not a good manager in so many other ways, but I at least felt like I was being taken care of. This guy ... it seems like he will only send someone over if there is NOTHING that needs to be done on any of the four campuses! Hopefully things will get worked out. The main person told me that he realized there was no system in place to monitor whether or not things actually got done or not. I sent an email, he told them to take care of it and just assumed that they did.
Our daughter was very depressed all day today. She said she didn't know what brought it on, but she just wanted to stay in her room. When I looked in on her it looked like she had been crying. Please pray that she gets a job soon! She said she is planning on going to church with us next week. The Koreans were much more friendly today. I guess they finally got used to enough to feel more comfortable around us.
I did get more done in the library today, but I think I'm switching back to our son's room ... if I get to work on anything extra at all. I have to spend the day getting everything ready for the cleaners to come in tomorrow, and do the laundry and go to jazzercise, and get a lot of packages packed up and taken to the post office. I have an enormous todo list ready for tomorrow. Ugh. I'll be SO FREAKING GLAD when I'm finally unpacked and organized and every spare moment to doesn't have to go into unpacking things and figuring everything out. I found a picture of a wreath I want to make for the front door for the rest of winter. Let's see if I can copy it here.
Nope! It copied, alright ... But GIGANTIC!
WTH!!i had a lot more written about this week, mostly committing to going to Bible Study Fellowship in Manhattan on Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it now. ... HOLD THE FORT! A. It's on Tuesdays and B. It starts at 9:30! It's two miles from Grand Central Terminal, so that means a taxi. So, say, twenty minutes to get off the train, get outside and catch a cab, and then ten minutes to get there. That means arriving by 9:00 am! Are people crazy?? Oh, this is not looking good. A 7:18 train will have me there at 8:07, or the 8:18 train will have me there at 9:07. Guess which one I'm going to take. Yes, the 8:18. I don't mind walking in late! To get the8:18, I need to leave the house at 8:00. I'm not usually awake at 8:00. To get dressed, makeup, hair, gather everything, feed the dogs, let them out, etc. I'm going to need to be up at 7:00. I know that's a normal time for a lot of people ... but it will be extraordinarily challenging for me.
I think it probably ends at 11:30, but I'm going to want to eat lunch in the city. So, let's say I'm ready to leave and at the terminal at 1:00. I can pick up dinner and flowers at the market in the terminal and catch a 1:20 train that arrives at 2:05. Or, if I miss that, a 2:20 that arrives at 3:05. Get off the train, walk to the car, drive home - fifteen minutes. So, home at 3:20. Sleep an hour and fix dinner? It's a doable day, but an awfully long one and will be exhausting. That means no yoga or jazzerckse or animal rescue on Wednesday. Or anything else.
What do you think? Any conceivable chance I'll do this?? Can't try this week because I have the doctor's appointment. It will either be a ton of fun and exciting,,or miserable and exhausting.
Well, that's it for me tonight. Cheers!
Lisa
I started feeling better abut things last night. Just found myself feeling cheerful again after all the chaos of last week. Then tonight my husband and I were able to sit down and talk about everything that happened last week. I told him that I felt like I had been stabbed in the back by two of the people involved who went to him and told him I was yelling at everyone and told everyone to get out and who knows what else. He hasn't decided how to handle the matter yet. But, honestly, I can't find any reason why the head of the company that takes care of facilities did not take care of things last week. I just can't figure that out unless he is a poor manager or just dithers and can't make up his mind how to prioritize things. The manager before this one took such good care of me. He wouldn't let me do anything and anything he saw me doing or found out I was going to do, he would say absolutely not! We'll do that, and would call some guys who would come take care of the matter. Now, he was not a good manager in so many other ways, but I at least felt like I was being taken care of. This guy ... it seems like he will only send someone over if there is NOTHING that needs to be done on any of the four campuses! Hopefully things will get worked out. The main person told me that he realized there was no system in place to monitor whether or not things actually got done or not. I sent an email, he told them to take care of it and just assumed that they did.
Our daughter was very depressed all day today. She said she didn't know what brought it on, but she just wanted to stay in her room. When I looked in on her it looked like she had been crying. Please pray that she gets a job soon! She said she is planning on going to church with us next week. The Koreans were much more friendly today. I guess they finally got used to enough to feel more comfortable around us.
I did get more done in the library today, but I think I'm switching back to our son's room ... if I get to work on anything extra at all. I have to spend the day getting everything ready for the cleaners to come in tomorrow, and do the laundry and go to jazzercise, and get a lot of packages packed up and taken to the post office. I have an enormous todo list ready for tomorrow. Ugh. I'll be SO FREAKING GLAD when I'm finally unpacked and organized and every spare moment to doesn't have to go into unpacking things and figuring everything out. I found a picture of a wreath I want to make for the front door for the rest of winter. Let's see if I can copy it here.
WTH!!i had a lot more written about this week, mostly committing to going to Bible Study Fellowship in Manhattan on Wednesday. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of it now.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Day 138 - Meh.
Dear Friends,
Today has been a bit better. Still fairly dispirited. I hope my husband is able to rest this weekend. I had to give in to some Tylenol last night because of hurting so bad, it helped a lot thankfully. I slept hard till 11:00, I think. But couldn't fully wake up until after 12:00. Then I was discouraged enough that I just didn't want to get up at all, but I did eventually. I was able to get started in the library. I got some things worked through and out away and a few more boxes out together for Salvation Army. I'm looking forward to working hard in there tomorrow. I guess I need to place an order for food, too.
My sons room is coming along and it is thinkable that it will be ready for our guests next month. I have to move a huge armoire, a large oak dresser, and then unload two bookcases, move them, and load them back up properly. Everything's just a mess in them right now.
The library is full of ridiculous things. My family should be very afraid! We've been in this house for almost eight months and no one has done anything with this stuff ... so I'm thinking that a whole bunch of it can disappear from the house without anyone even noticing. It is all sorts of technology/game crap. Remote controls and cables and plugs and wires! Most of it is probably stuff the will never ever use again, but won't want to get rid of JUST IN CASE they might need them again someday.
There is a pile on my son's floor which is where I left off when things got urgent for getting ready for the breakfast. I may try to work through that area of the floor tomorrow also. I think were going to go see a movie tomorrow, and I learned about a sushi restaurant that is supposed to be unbelievably fantastic. I'd like to check it out.
I've been really wanting to start volunteering at a no-kill pet rescue shelter. There's one in a nearby village that uses volunteers to work with the animals to get them adoptable. Many have come from terrible situations and need to learn to trust humans again, so they need volunteers to come pet them and play with them and take them on walks, things like that. I will probably look into that next week. That along with starting to attend a women's Bible study in Manhattan should be great a opening my new world to other people,which will be good.
It seems like I had something else to tell you, but I can't think of it. Ow. I have to get back to exercising next week. Oh, I remember now. I really need to see my doctor to see if she'll raise the cortisol levels since I still can't wake up. But, the last time I was there I waited an hour and a half on her and then left. The main doctor talked to me that they were having problems with her learning time management. I finally called today and talked to the sweet office manager and asked her how all that was going. She said that she was doing much better, so I went ahead and made an appointment for next week.
I made a sugar-free, grapefruit sorbet yesterday. I had a serving of it today and, somehow, it upset my stomach like crazy! It's a shame because it tasted really good. I've changed my diet a lot with MUCH less sugar, carbohydrates and fried foods. But no results on the scale.
So that's it for Mel. Have a great weekend!
Lisa
Today has been a bit better. Still fairly dispirited. I hope my husband is able to rest this weekend. I had to give in to some Tylenol last night because of hurting so bad, it helped a lot thankfully. I slept hard till 11:00, I think. But couldn't fully wake up until after 12:00. Then I was discouraged enough that I just didn't want to get up at all, but I did eventually. I was able to get started in the library. I got some things worked through and out away and a few more boxes out together for Salvation Army. I'm looking forward to working hard in there tomorrow. I guess I need to place an order for food, too.
My sons room is coming along and it is thinkable that it will be ready for our guests next month. I have to move a huge armoire, a large oak dresser, and then unload two bookcases, move them, and load them back up properly. Everything's just a mess in them right now.
The library is full of ridiculous things. My family should be very afraid! We've been in this house for almost eight months and no one has done anything with this stuff ... so I'm thinking that a whole bunch of it can disappear from the house without anyone even noticing. It is all sorts of technology/game crap. Remote controls and cables and plugs and wires! Most of it is probably stuff the will never ever use again, but won't want to get rid of JUST IN CASE they might need them again someday.
There is a pile on my son's floor which is where I left off when things got urgent for getting ready for the breakfast. I may try to work through that area of the floor tomorrow also. I think were going to go see a movie tomorrow, and I learned about a sushi restaurant that is supposed to be unbelievably fantastic. I'd like to check it out.
I've been really wanting to start volunteering at a no-kill pet rescue shelter. There's one in a nearby village that uses volunteers to work with the animals to get them adoptable. Many have come from terrible situations and need to learn to trust humans again, so they need volunteers to come pet them and play with them and take them on walks, things like that. I will probably look into that next week. That along with starting to attend a women's Bible study in Manhattan should be great a opening my new world to other people,which will be good.
It seems like I had something else to tell you, but I can't think of it. Ow. I have to get back to exercising next week. Oh, I remember now. I really need to see my doctor to see if she'll raise the cortisol levels since I still can't wake up. But, the last time I was there I waited an hour and a half on her and then left. The main doctor talked to me that they were having problems with her learning time management. I finally called today and talked to the sweet office manager and asked her how all that was going. She said that she was doing much better, so I went ahead and made an appointment for next week.
I made a sugar-free, grapefruit sorbet yesterday. I had a serving of it today and, somehow, it upset my stomach like crazy! It's a shame because it tasted really good. I've changed my diet a lot with MUCH less sugar, carbohydrates and fried foods. But no results on the scale.
So that's it for Mel. Have a great weekend!
Lisa
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Day 139 - Very Bad Week
Dear Friend,
A friend asked me today to please start blogging again so ... here I am. Things have not been going well on a personal level. Stress has been running really high in the home and yesterday gets to go on my "One of the Worst Days of My Life" list. I would tell you about it, but I just don't have the energy other than to say it ended with me crying for about three solid hours. And some of the most outrageous, unbelievable things were done here at the college yesterday at my home, that you will not believe me when I do tell you all. I learned a whole lot more abut what happened today and I now see that there is a vicious, back-biting culture here which I don't know if my husband will be able to change or not. Just crazy stuff and I learned that there is one person at the heart of a lot of what went on. One man was so angry by how he was treated yesterday that he didn't come in today. The other person came in but was still very angry about how he had been insulted. But at least they were both called last night by their two main bosses telling them that they were fine, not to worry, they knew they were their best workers, etc. But I can't do the work I'm supposed to do in a place this dysfunctional. The main boss, though, sees clearly what is happening and got to experience some of it for himself yesterday when he had to call some one down for actually yelling at these two men out in the front yard of my house. I understand better what all the undercurrents were, but there is still some stuff going on that I haven't figured out yet. The main director promised me that this would never, ever happen again. Long,long story. I'm not even getting to the highlight of it because I will get so mad again if I think about it.
I gave the breakfast for the board of directors this morning and it went well. I got up early to,get more,work done in the house. And, even though I only got about fur hurs of sleep, looked good, if I say so myself! I had a well-timed appointment with my psychologist and went to the grocery store to get stuff to make dinner for a Korean family we invited over for dinner, we hadn't realized they had ayoung daughter who worked in Manhattan. She took the train and joined us. She's my daughter' sage and also has an art degree. It would be great if they became friends. Our daughter really needs a friend. And a job!
So, I'm still not getting to live my life and have been tremendously discouraged. But tomorrow is a new day. All I want to do is,stay in my nightgown all day and work at unpacking and come waning tub the library. And get a massage. I've got muscle spasms all over from everything, mostly all the cooking I did this evening and am hurting like crazy. I'm trying to get past it without taking anything.
I need to go back to the doctor because the amount of cortisol she has me on is not being enough to wake me up. I'm working better once I'm awake, but being able to wake up is not being any easier. Do you know that there are four enzymes or proteins or hormones or whatever the heck they are ... but there are four of them that give you energy, burn fat and increase muscle mass ... that my body is just not making!! My levels are crazy low, in the doctor's word, completely negligible amounts! I'm on heavy supplementation and had a little bit of improvement in one of them with the last blood test
At least my appointment with this specialist is coming up this month. Maybe he'll be brilliant.
And then there's the latest horrors from ISIS. Good God, please help us all.
Good night,
Lisa
A friend asked me today to please start blogging again so ... here I am. Things have not been going well on a personal level. Stress has been running really high in the home and yesterday gets to go on my "One of the Worst Days of My Life" list. I would tell you about it, but I just don't have the energy other than to say it ended with me crying for about three solid hours. And some of the most outrageous, unbelievable things were done here at the college yesterday at my home, that you will not believe me when I do tell you all. I learned a whole lot more abut what happened today and I now see that there is a vicious, back-biting culture here which I don't know if my husband will be able to change or not. Just crazy stuff and I learned that there is one person at the heart of a lot of what went on. One man was so angry by how he was treated yesterday that he didn't come in today. The other person came in but was still very angry about how he had been insulted. But at least they were both called last night by their two main bosses telling them that they were fine, not to worry, they knew they were their best workers, etc. But I can't do the work I'm supposed to do in a place this dysfunctional. The main boss, though, sees clearly what is happening and got to experience some of it for himself yesterday when he had to call some one down for actually yelling at these two men out in the front yard of my house. I understand better what all the undercurrents were, but there is still some stuff going on that I haven't figured out yet. The main director promised me that this would never, ever happen again. Long,long story. I'm not even getting to the highlight of it because I will get so mad again if I think about it.
I gave the breakfast for the board of directors this morning and it went well. I got up early to,get more,work done in the house. And, even though I only got about fur hurs of sleep, looked good, if I say so myself! I had a well-timed appointment with my psychologist and went to the grocery store to get stuff to make dinner for a Korean family we invited over for dinner, we hadn't realized they had ayoung daughter who worked in Manhattan. She took the train and joined us. She's my daughter' sage and also has an art degree. It would be great if they became friends. Our daughter really needs a friend. And a job!
So, I'm still not getting to live my life and have been tremendously discouraged. But tomorrow is a new day. All I want to do is,stay in my nightgown all day and work at unpacking and come waning tub the library. And get a massage. I've got muscle spasms all over from everything, mostly all the cooking I did this evening and am hurting like crazy. I'm trying to get past it without taking anything.
I need to go back to the doctor because the amount of cortisol she has me on is not being enough to wake me up. I'm working better once I'm awake, but being able to wake up is not being any easier. Do you know that there are four enzymes or proteins or hormones or whatever the heck they are ... but there are four of them that give you energy, burn fat and increase muscle mass ... that my body is just not making!! My levels are crazy low, in the doctor's word, completely negligible amounts! I'm on heavy supplementation and had a little bit of improvement in one of them with the last blood test
At least my appointment with this specialist is coming up this month. Maybe he'll be brilliant.
And then there's the latest horrors from ISIS. Good God, please help us all.
Good night,
Lisa
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