Dear Reader,
Saw my psychologist today, which was a timely appointment since I was obsessed with this unsupervised child thing that had me so mad last night. I couldn't get to sleep till 2 this morning, which made this day start late which made me mad at myself. There were so many aspects that I could not put to rest. The mother's vilification of the neighbor. How did the police get involved? The neighbor. My anger at her mitigating the real problems of not keeping an eye on a child that sound, that far away. The irresponsible journalists and bloggers her are regurgitating her defensive and accusatory statements. The way she kept saying, "he was just playing outside" -- which wasn't the issue! The issue was that he was waaaay away from the house, by myself, and unsupervised by her. It wasn't that he was "just playing outside". And then the comments all over the internet saying terrible things about the neighbor. Oh, and this woman says she wants to move to a different neighborhood now. I understand her being mad. I understand her minimalizing the real issue. I understand her playing the victim and vilifying the neighbor on her blog. Self-defense is human nature. But then, some reporter came along, talked to her, snapped a couple of pictures, took her word on everything and did not talk to the neighbor to find out how the police got involved. Did she know that child protective services would come out? Had that been her intention? Nothing. She's just being written about and treated like she is the scum of the earth by people all over the place! I think it's one thing to be mad on your blog, but it's another thing to fire off the same vitriol to a reporter who is going to put it into the news. I had a woman yell at me one time for spanking my son when he was three years old. It was at a movie theater. I took him out of the movie (I don't remember what he had done) and gave him a paddling. On an ultra-thick diaper. They don't even make them that thick anymore! It didn't hurt him at all! But this woman came up and said, "You don't have to beat him like that!" I said, "What???" And she repeated herself. Loudly. He was screaming, because that's what he did whenever he was thwarted, and she was yelling at me. So I said, "Lasy, it's in my job description that I have to take pay attention to him, but I DON'T have to pay attention to you, so leave me alone!" She went on into the theater and I was, yes, FURIOUS! And I was on my guard for a week for CPS to,show up. This happened, incidentally, while I lived in South Austin. I was spanking him in a way that made a lot of sound on those super thick diapers, but which he could barely feel. He was screaming because he was raging mad because I wouldn't let him do "X" ... whatever "X" might have been. I don't remember now. He got the spanking for going into a screaming anger fit for not being allowed to do something. Probably run around in the theater.
Anyway, the whole thing occupied my mind the entire day and I spent a lot of spare time online looking up statistics on kidnappings and all sorts of other things.
So, I had a good talk with my doctor about it and told her I was mad because I couldn't pull myself out of it. She said it was like a vortex for me and once I slipped in, I was gone and there was probably just no stopping it at that point. We talked about triggers to be aware of and what news articles to NOT look at in the future and to consider it to be something that is not healthy for me to get involved in. I found a lot of conflicting figures online about it all. I only just now found a good site that was a thorough analysis of all the main scenarios, I'm going to save that to read later. At this point, the vitriol is almost gone, and I've become interested in it on a more academic level.
I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond today to look at their steam mops and to return the swiffer sweep and trap I got there a couple of months ago, only one problem. The receipt I kept did not have it on it, and they said they had never carried it! So, I wonder where I got it? They had some steam mops, but they were too expensive, even with my 20% off coupon. I did, however, find an extremely happy shower curtain form my daughter's bathroom here which will really spark up that really dull room. Everything in it is beige, including the sink, the toilet, the shower, the floor, and the walls!
I made a quick Coq au Vin for dinner with fingerling potatoes and a fancy schmancy salad. It was all good, but murder to clean it all up afterwards. I may be going back to just salads!
I have to get up early in the morning for our first ground-breaking ceremony. Pretty exciting, huh! But I'll have to really dress up, wear a suit and pantyhose ... the whole nine yards!
This evening, I just couldn't shake being angry. It was just this rough emotion going through me that I couldn't stop, so I'm guessing that my testosterone levels are still way too high.
That's it for me. I'm going to hate myself for staying up this late tomorrow!
Cheers!
Lisa
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