Dear Friend,
I've screwed this day up so bad that I don't think there's a even a chance that tomorrow's going to go well. It is 1:18 as I write this! My husband is on a trip, and I hate going to bed when he's gone. Although I was so sleepy I wanted to go to bed at 8:30! I didn't get much done today or yesterday, and the big crew of workers will be here first thing tomorrow and it will be insane around the house again.
I kept looking at the mini-chandeliers I had installed in the two hallways and ... they just didn't look like what I thought they would. Too babyish. And PLASTIC fake-crystal drops. I wouldn't have ordered something with plastic. But I couldn't find my receipt or any email telling me where I ordered them. I finally found, though, that they were ordered from LampsPlus via Amazon and that they are NOT what I ordered! So thinks going to be a mess. I'll have to get them to send me the right ones and have the electrician take these down and out u the right ones and then ship them back. Darn! Darn! Double darn!
I spent oodles of time today trying to pick out a carpet runner for the back stairwell. I had hoped to have it installed before the conference, but I think I can forget that. It's kind of hard because it needs to coordinate with the colors in the den and the colors at the top of the staircase ... but I don't know what the colors of the den are going to be yet! I'm going to call around tomorrow and see what delivery dates the different ones have. Plus, I'm just really bad at making decisions like this. As you already know. So that's going to be hard.
I seem to have misplaced the curtains that are supposed to go up in the guest room, and they placed the curtain rods wrong, so those will have to be redone.
One million decisions all of the time!!!
I've ordered the curtain rods for our bedroom, but they aren't here yet. I hope they come tomorrow.
I had a lot of anxiety going on yesterday and today. Yesterday was pretty bad.
I've realized I have a real problem with hating myself when I don't meet up to my expectations. Or my to-do list. Or have any sort of day other than a terribly organized and disciplined one. If I get a lot done, correction ... a WHOLE lot done ... then I'm not mad at myself and don't hate myself.
But take today for instance. My husband didn't leave until after 12:00, so I didn't try to get anything done until he left. But then I saw how grossly dirty the kitchen was from not having washed the dishes the night before. The laundry room is full of dirty clothes. I was tired and didn't want to work, though I was trying to make myself. And then, to top it all off, I overage at dinner. Or did I? It's hard to tell. I had a sushi role, one that was not covered with rice and was about 6 inches long ... not huge. A bowl of thai curry soup, which was mostly broth with some vegetables in it. I split some lettuce wraps with a chicken salad with my daughter. And then ate some sautéed bok choy. So, too much, but not horribly too much. But my stomach has not wanted to digest it, so it's just been sitting there making me feel so sick. I finally remembered that this can be a dysautonomia thing, but by then I was so mad at myself that there was no lightening up. I also read too much and spent too much time looking for the carpet runner. And now I've stayed up way too late. I forgot to take my klonopin this morning so that probably added to it all.
I'm just so tired of every day being constant work. I know it won't stay this way, but it feels like it will. I know I used to work out almost every day, have good prayer times, read my Bible, write Bible studies and teach groups of high school or college girls, go to church, go to women's Bible studies and manage a home. I just need to get back to that point.
On a good note, though, it snowed all day today. My daughter and I got dressed and walked down to the train stating and climbed up to the top to look at the Hudson. Wow! It's saltwater at this point, but it's still frozen for a long ways out. You can see the ice flows in the middle moving in the current, so it's not frozen all the way over. But my husband is up further north and he said it looks like the Hudson is completely snowed over where he is.
On the way back to the house, I got confused about hw to get back to the house. My daughter was insisting it was one road, but I was sure it was the other road. So I told her to just meet me at the house. I started walking up the road and finally realized that ... I was WRONG! (gasp!) so I walked back down to where she had stayed waiting for me. We were laughing and joking all about it until it reached the point that I was doubled over I was laughing so hard! So that was a lot of fun. Then we ordered delivery (yes, I gave the man a good tip!) and watched Spielberg's "The Prince of Egypt." Hadn't realized before that Sandra Bullock is the voice of Moses' sister, Miriam.
So, it is now 1:47. Perhaps it is time to go to bed now.
Cheers! I'm expecting tomorrow to be awful, but cheers to you, anyway!
Lisa
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