Dear Friend,
I apparently really don't want to talk to you, do I? It's been 19 days since I wrote anything, and I'm not going to write much now. I should probably read over my last posts to see where I was when I quit writing, but I don't have time to. It's super late and I'm finally really sleepy.
But here's the skinny version if these 19 days:
1. I finished the freaking room and got the adjoining bathroom decorated and it all turned out looking really, really nice. If I say so myself. The speaker who stayed with us was a very quiet woman and no trouble at all ... after she got here. She was a TON of trouble because of all the work I had to do in that room!!
2. I got the library cleaned out also. It's right beside this bedroom and doesn't have a door, so it had to be cleaned up also. I did realize that there is about a half of a box tat has to be dealt with still in there, but it shouldn't take much time.
3. The conference was a great success with a terrific turnout.
4. Our good friends came up for the conference and stayed with us and I got as much visiting done with my friend as could be squeezed into the time they were here.
5. Our daughter is done with the ex-boyfriend. Finally. She is "talking" with a cute guy who works at a movie theater as a ticket taker. That doesn't sound promising, but it turns out he's a junior in college getting a psych degree and is having to sit out for a year to make some money to be able to go back and finish. She hasn't let him know who her daddy is or what he does. She says he's already a better boyfriend than her last boyfriend of four and a half years ... Even though he's not her boyfriend! He has already treated her more nicely than the jerk did in the entire four and a half years she was with him!
6. I got extremely angry with my right-wing, gun-toting, red-neck brother (and this is the one I like!) over the homeless man that was killed by the police in L.A. I won't even go into that.
7. Sessions with my psychologist have been ... intense lately. I asked her to give me some feedback on her thoughts about me so far. She surprised me by intimating that she is surprised by the degree of meanness I have towards myself and anger at myself and some issues with self-hatred. Shazam! You could have knocked me down with a feather, but it have been thinking about it and she's kind of hit the nail on the head.
8. My husband went to a conference in D.C. where he spoke and was on a panel. I took these four days as an opportunity to work like a dog on the house. I got a good start in the basement and a TON of work done in my study! I lifted and carried and moved so many boxes of things up and down between the three stories of the house.
9. All was fine until, just before he got home on the train, I moved a bunch of flattened cardboard boxes to the curb for recycling. But they had been outside for a week and were wet and very heavy. I had to pick them up one at a time, twist and turn towards the curb, and drag them there. In the process, I tore up my back. By the next day I was in extraordinary pain with super-bad spasms in it. Scream-worthy pain. I got to a chiropractor and he did some very strong STEM treatment and heat and ice in it just to try to get it to call down. I may have torn a tendon or a muscle again.
10. The main problem with this was that we were entertaining a couple who are very important to our college that evening. A pretty famous man who is close, personal friends with people like Eli Wiesel and Ben Carson! I managed it okay. Had a few spasms hit me that were excruciating, accompanied by me saying, "Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!" Which was a lot better than some on the things I had been yelling earlier in the day!
11. Our son celebrated his two-years of sobriety!! We are so proud of him, I can't even begin to tell you!!! And so thankful to God for the amazing work he has done in his life.
12. I am extremely angry with my oldest brother and about ready to cut him out of my life. We are in the middle of some exchanges on email and I've decided to just come straight out and say that he is pathologically paranoid, and subtly dishonest, and a disseminator of hate. I've decided that I don't need him in my life and if he decides to cut me off, that is ok. But I'm not sitting back anymore and let him do and say the ridiculous and outrageous things he does and says. My son called today while I was working in the email and we had a good talk about it. He had me send him the whole trail of emails to look at and make suggestions. Since this is pretty serious, I'm waiting until tomorrow to finish it, after I've had time to mull it over.
13. Saw my psychologist today. She asked me why I didn't listen to my body and take better care of it instead of pushing it so hard and far. It came down to I absolutely don't care about it. It is going to do what I tell it to. She says it comes back to the self-hatred thing.
Husband is calling me to get back in bed. Later!
Lisa
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